Violet Moon

Mel E. Lemon

Copyright © 2023 by Mel E. Lemon

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission requests, contact Mel E. Lemon at mel@melelemon.com.

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Book Cover and Illustrations by Gio @artthetrash on Instagram and Twitter/X

Mel@melelemon.com

MelELemon.com

1st edition 2023

This book is dedicated to Michael for being my partner and my biggest fan. This book would not exist without you. Thank you for always listening when I needed to whine about how hard writing a book is, and thank you for always having the right thing to say so I'd keep going.

And to Ali for being my friend and my editor. This book would also not exist without you. Thank you for reading all of my ramblings as I worked through what I wanted this book to be, for always having the best ideas, and for knowing comma rules and the difference between lie and lay.

And to my Beta Readers — Aaron, Annica, Cameron, Christina, Jess, and Rowan — thank you for all your feedback that made this book so much better.

And to Gio for bringing my characters to life in such a beautiful way!

Content Warnings

This book is mostly wolves and baked goods, but it does have on-the-page sex, some grief, some PTSD, a fair amount of anxiety and confidence issues, some mentioned bipolar disorder, and some blood in short action scenes.

one

Seraphine dug her paws into the ground with force. Mud splattered up her legs as she ran through the misty mountains. She tore through familiar forests until the first hints of Hickorywood appeared over a hill. The inviting lights of the arts district pierced through the late night darkness. She swore she could smell the bread and pastries at the pack’s bakery as she traveled down a path she knew by heart.

Home was in sight. She quickened her pace. She had news to share.

In the unused stable on the pack house’s property, Sera shifted back into her human self, holding onto the power and confidence she felt as her wolf until the last possible second. She tugged on the wrinkled pair of trousers and shirt she’d abandoned there earlier and raced towards the back door of the large, modern cabin where the Pitch Mountain Pack lived. The front faced the city, but the back of the cabin looked towards the low, old mountains.

As soon as she opened the door, the smell of the crackling fire and freshly made coffee welcomed her home.

“Sera!” Parisa called out.

She had hoped to have a moment to change into something more presentable before seeing her Alpha. Pulling on the hem of her shirt to straighten it and running her fingers through her short, light brown hair, she slipped out of her boots and walked towards the living room with its well-loved, mismatched sofas and chairs, and shelves bursting with the pack’s collection of books.

Parisa sat in a green wingback chair with a pot of fresh tea, coffee, and leftover treats from the bakery on the small table beside her.

“I’m back,” Sera announced with a smile, warming her hands by the fire. “And boy, do I have some news for you. Alpha Clyde said —”

“Wait.” Parisa held up a hand. Her long, dark brown hair was perfectly styled and pinned back, the way it always was. The rich, saturated colors of her tailored dress paired well with her tanned skin. “Is this better said behind closed doors?”

“Probably. Though does it really matter? Everyone can hear everything in this house.”

“It’s best to at least try.”

“So should we head to your office?”

“And let this tea grow cold? Let these snacks be eaten up by some other hungry mouths? I think not.” Parisa leaned forward and patted the seat of the sofa diagonally across from her. “Sit. The news can wait.”

“But it —”

“It can wait,” Parisa repeated in a tone that couldn’t be argued with. She let her words hang in the air before her expression brightened again. “Besides, I feel like we haven’t properly talked in ages.”

Sera chuckled, rounding the sofa to take her seat and enjoy the coffee and the fruit tartlets that were on a plate next to her mug. “We talked this afternoon.”

“About work.” Her eyes traveled the length of Sera’s body. “Looking a bit scruffy, azizam.” Parisa took a sip of her tea.

Sera didn’t know what the word meant and Parisa always dodged giving her a direct answer. Her Alpha said it with a fondness that made her not worry about it too much.

“The scruffiness is part of my charm.” Sera splayed her fingers across her chest. “It says ‘look how down to Earth I am!’ Plus, I was in a rush. There wasn’t much time to be neat.”

“There is always time to be neat, though I’m still sorry I sent you off so quickly after the end of your shift. But Clyde insisted it was urgent and I —”

“Had to meet with distributors, I know. And I don’t mind because it’s —”

“Part of your job as Beta, you were going to say. It’s almost like we can finish each other’s —”

Sera raised her mug. “Cups of coffee.”

“Oh please, spare me. I couldn’t have a sip of that stuff. Only tea for me.”

“Meanwhile I’m a truly cultured individual who enjoys both.”

Parisa scrunched up her face. “You can keep your culture and your hot bean juice.”

“You make a fine cup of hot bean juice for someone who hates it.”

“I’ve had enough practice making it for you all these years.” Parisa took another sip of her tea and leaned back in her chair. “Jo was looking for you earlier.”

Sera attempted to keep her expression neutral. “Were they?”

“Yes. They seemed quite intent on finding you, too. Something about maybe starting a new task at the bakery.”

“Oh, that’s exciting.” Sera felt like Parisa was trying to read her, and she was probably succeeding. Sera did an awful job at hiding how she felt. She cared for Jo as their newest pack member, but being around them dug up a lot of things she’d rather leave buried.

“Sometimes I wish the pack approached me like they do you, but it’s best to leave some traditions intact. An Alpha is meant to lead the pack. A bit of distance helps with that. It’s my darling Beta’s job to be the bridge.” She smiled.

“A job I hope I do well,” Sera replied, tone lighter than she felt as that insecurity she always carried with her started growing.

“You know you do.”

Sera shrank at the compliment. She was grateful when Parisa steered the conversation elsewhere and Sera could focus on eating a fig tartlet and drinking coffee instead of the weird feeling in her chest or the weight of the news she had yet to share.

Parisa sank into her plush office chair at her large oak desk. Her room was dark from all the wood, but Parisa did her best to lighten it with art she’d collected over the years. “What’s the report from Crooked Creek?” she asked, tone serious with none of the levity from before.

“A new Alpha presented in their pack a few days after the last full moon.”

“Are congratulations in order?” Not every Alpha presentation was a cause for celebration. Stories of “failed Alphas,” a terrible but pervasive term, were whispered about in every werewolf circle.

“That’s where Alpha Cylde is unsure. Do you remember Jason? A thin sort of man, like taffy that’s been pulled too long? I couldn’t remember him well until I saw him. A really mousy guy. Rarely spoke with any of us when we visited for the full moon. Well, apparently a lot of that has changed.”

“As to be expected. Every Alpha experiences changes when they emerge.”

She chose her words carefully. “Yes, but Alpha Clyde has concerns about his aggressive tendencies.”

Parisa leaned forward, placing her elbows on her desk and tenting her fingers. “Every new Alpha struggles with aggression. Clyde should know that.”

“He does understand that, but Jason seems to get worse every day, not better. And he’s only in his eleventh year of being a wolf.”

“That early?” Parisa’s eyes widened. “I can see why there’s concern now. It will be an uphill battle for him to fight the Alpha within and win when he’s still so inexperienced. He could easily lose himself to the wolf.”

Sera winced.

“Not like your situation, of course,” Parisa said.

She pulled her lips into a tight, thin line and nodded.

“No one can ever blame you for reacting how you did after a forced transformation.”

Staring at her hands, Sera nodded again.

“And don’t forget you found yourself again. You won.” Parisa was silent for a long moment. “Did he seem lost when you saw him?”

Sera took a deep breath and shook her head. “He’s bulked up considerably and he was baring his teeth when I passed, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary for the short time I did see him. Alpha Clyde has seen more of who he is now.”

“I have no doubts that he has a deeper grasp of the situation than us, but if Jason appeared fine to you in those short moments, let's cling to that as something to be hopeful about. If there is humanity left in him still, then there is humanity in him to save.”

Sera smiled. “That’s what I thought, too.”

two

While snacking on bits of a leftover pear tartlet she grabbed from the bakery last night, Sera sorted through her sparse wardrobe of mostly neutral colors and threw together a simple outfit of trousers, a button-down, and a plaid vest with minimal effort, savoring these last few peaceful moments as the afternoon sun pierced the clouds and shined through her curtains.

Sera kept typical werewolf hours, starting her day in the afternoon and ending it well into the night. Werewolves could exist in daylight, unlike their vampire neighbors, but it was more draining.

She shuffled around her bedroom in fluffy socks while humming to herself and looking for the watering can and mister she’d left somewhere yesterday afternoon. She tended to wake up almost too late to water her plants, but it was necessary that she gave her numerous plants the love and attention they deserved. They dotted every surface in her room and vines were strung across the wall near the ceiling. Living with all thirteen wolves of the Pitch Mountain Pack, this was her small oasis, and she loved caring for her plant children and getting her hands dirty whenever she needed to repot one or propagate new plants so she could watch them grow, too.

The rest of her room might be a mess with clothes strewn about and too many dusty trinkets collected over the years on every surface that didn’t have something green, but her plants were in pristine condition.

Content that everyone was taken care of, Sera took a second to check her appearance in the mirror, her amber wolf’s eyes staring back at her. Unlike other werewolves, hers never shifted back to whatever color they had been before her forced change. It was just another thing she’d lost that she couldn’t remember. She’d retained a few memories from her former life — her name, some blurry images of her family and home — but most of it was gone.

“You can do this,” she whispered, forming finger guns and pointing them at the mirror, waving them at her own reflection. It wasn’t very convincing and, especially lately, Sera had needed a lot more convincing that she was the Beta Parisa needed at her side.

She opened her bedroom door and immediately wanted to rush back inside.

“It’s not my fault the dishwasher’s broken! I loaded it the same way we all do,” Jo defended, their perpetual mess of bedhead swirling around them.

“You overfilled it.” Billie’s cropped, purple hair framed her typically unimpressed features.

“I wasn’t even the last to load it. When I left — ”

Seraphine ducked her head to avoid making eye contact with her two arguing packmates, especially Jo, and shuffled down the long hallway, but she stopped short of the stairs and spun around. If she didn’t deal with this, Parisa would have to.

“What’s with the dishwasher drama?” As Beta, she existed in some weird space between Alpha and the rest of the pack where she was either vice principal or big sister and she could never tell which one she was supposed to be in the moment.

“It’s broken. Again,” Billie said in her characteristic sharp tone.

Jo seemed more hurt than angry, but brightened the moment they turned their attention to Sera. “Good afternoon, Beta Seraphine! I hope your day is off to a great start! Did Alpha Parisa tell you I might get to start helping Emmaline during the day shift in the bakery?”

Sera shrunk under the unwanted, bubbly attention. She kept her expression neutral even as her chest split open with a wound that never healed. “She hadn’t yet. I think she was going to let you tell me.”

“I’m so excited. It’s not like I don’t enjoy working in the front. I just love the quiet hustle of the back, you know?”

“Wouldn't know. I’m not allowed back there.” She laughed. “So the dishwasher?”

“Is broken and Jo was the last to use it,” Billie finished.

“I didn’t do anything different from what the directions say to do.” Jo crossed their arms in front of their chest. “It just breaks all the time because we go through more plates in a day than a restaurant!”

Hurt welled up in her heart and Sera knew she had to get away from Jo if she didn’t want to be thinking about her past the rest of the day. She held up a hand and the two stopped speaking. “Let’s just agree that we all get mad at our appliances and it probably wasn’t anyone’s fault. I’ll make a call and we’ll have the thing fixed by dinner.”

As a pack of thirteen hungry werewolves, their industrial dishwasher did its best to keep up, but machines had their limitations. It was the same for all the loose wolf hair and their vacuum and the poor plumbing.

Billie backed down, admitting that she was just tired from the night shift at the bakery and the situation seemed sorted. Jo turned to talk to Sera, but she pulled her lips in a thin, tight smile, waved, and hurried downstairs, through the hallway that led past the living room, into the kitchen, and out the back door that led to the pack greenhouse.

Filled to the brim with vegetables and flowers, the pack’s greenhouse was one of Sera’s favorite places. She took her time as she walked through it, skimming her fingers along the beds that held a lively array of flowers. She paused at the pansies, particularly the purple ones with bright tangerine centers, before moving on to the daisies. Examining a few up close, she cut a few of the best, bright white and soft yellow, and wrapped the ends in a damp handkerchief before setting it aside so she could get to work. Others in the pack helped her, but the greenhouse was her contribution to the pack and she liked to care for it herself.

Parisa led them all and started the bakery. Emmaline, the only one who’d been with Parisa longer than her, was their primary baker. But, in addition to being a mess of a Beta, Sera was a destructive hurricane in the kitchen. She could grow food, but she couldn’t make it and she managed to ruin everything sweet or savory she touched in the bakery kitchen. She avoided baking because she didn’t need one more thing that made her feel like a failure.

She knew she was running late, and she wanted to hurry the way her racing heart was telling her to, but she needed to take her time pruning plants that required it and making sure the vegetables and flowers got equal love and attention or her entire day would be thrown off. Running into Jo had already set her mind in one direction. If she wanted to correct it, she needed to lose herself in the task. She didn’t have a checklist and didn’t move from one space to the next in a logical order. She hopped around as she remembered things she needed to do.

Satisfied with her work, she washed the dirt from her hands, trying and failing to get it out from under her fingernails, and started back on the path towards the house. Wrapped daisies in hand, she passed by a few of her packmates on the way to Parisa’s study. She gave them all a cheerful “good afternoon” as they started their days with a hearty helping of leftovers from the pack kitchen.

Sera knocked on the door to Parisa’s study that was attached to her downstairs suite. “Are you ready for company?”

“If I yelled back that I wasn’t decent yet, would you come in anyway?” Parisa asked with a hearty laugh.

Sera’s cheeks flushed at the suggestion. “Definitely, yes. I don’t have long before my shift at the bakery.”

The door swung open and Parisa greeted her in a dress with a full skirt because, as she had said on more than one occasion, “Pencil skirts are for sticks and I am built like a wolf.” There was, no doubt, a complementary pair of boots or oxfords by the door for later. For now, Parisa padded around in her bare feet because she hated socks.

She smelled like fresh bread, saffron, and roses.

“You’re late.” Parisa grinned.

“And grass is green.”

Parisa’s gaze drifted to Sera’s hands. “What treats from the greenhouse do we have today?”

“Some humble daisies. A little brightness for the gray afternoon.”

“It is rather dreary out there, isn’t it?” Parisa’s skirt swirled around her legs as she slipped around the edge of her oak desk. “I feel like this autumn has given us a lot of gray days so far. Though, maybe it’s nice — like a bit of nighttime in the day to give us all a break.”

“You sound a bit like our vampire neighbors,” Sera teased.

Parisa clicked her tongue. “A comparison I don’t enjoy. But I do enjoy these daisies,” she said, placing them in the vase she kept on her desk for Sera’s daily delivery. “They’ll be the perfect distraction when I’m talking to —” She turned to consult her well-organized planner, a stark contrast to the messy, red binder Sera kept everything in. “Oh nevermind, my first meeting’s out of the house today. Chamber of Commerce.”

Parisa groaned. “I have to deal with that small group of overly loud humans that think we’re taking over too much of the local businesses. Perhaps I need to visit Clyde instead. The Alpha issue was important enough for him to reach out and, while he hasn’t followed up with us just yet, I can’t imagine it would be unwelcome. After all, a serious issue requires a serious response and traditions, which Clyde loves.”

“And you love,” Sera added.

Parisa shot her a look. “Traditions on this matter are clear: a new Alpha is a potential celebration or threat for every other pack in the region. There are ways to handle this, but we need to strengthen our decades-long bond with the Crooked Creek Pack now more than ever.”

“I could go to your meeting instead,” Sera offered. “I love the gossip I get out of those.”

“You enjoy hearing Clemente drone on and on about the recent financial successes of his vampire coven? He loves the sound of his own voice.”

“He’s not that bad,” Sera defended her vampiric best friend’s partner. “You could swap bakery shifts with me.”

“You keep it. I had my fill of the bakery this morning when I did my bread batch. I’ll go to the meeting and go to Crooked Creek as soon as it’s over.” She stepped away from her desk, lost in thought, before refocusing on Sera. “Before I forget, where’s the color for the day?”

“The daisies are colorful.”

“They’re mostly white. Also, they don’t count. You know the rules.”

Sera looked down at her outfit. “There’s a stripe of yellow in the pattern.” She yanked on the hem of her vest to hold it out. “There. See? In the plaid. A strong slap of yellow.”

Parisa stepped into her space and held the hem of her vest between her fingers. “I would hardly call that a slap of anything. More like a love tap, azizam.”

Sera held her breath as Parisa ran the fabric between her fingertips.

“But I suppose it will count.” Parisa glanced up, face inches from Sera’s.

“Sometimes it’s a good thing to not stand out.” Sera pulled away, ignoring how the room felt warmer now.

“Oh, but you always stand out in the best sort of ways, don’t you?” Parisa spun on her heels. “Even when you don’t intend to be, you’re too good to fade into the background.”

Sera curled her shoulders, folding in on herself. “You wear enough color for the both of us, Pari. At least my outfit is from this decade.”

“This is modern enough. I attempted to keep up with the styles for over a hundred years. Do you know how much fabric I went through? Not to mention all the times the wolf slipped out and I ripped the beautiful things to shreds. No, I stopped in the fifties. Once those patterns in the sixties hit, I knew I was finished. Besides, it’s not old-fashioned. It’s vintage.”

“You’ve been unstoppable since you learned that word.”

“Haven’t I, though?” Parisa’s eyes crinkled in the corners before Pari transformed back into Alpha Parisa, losing all the whimsy in her features and replacing them with the stern, respectable gaze of a pack Alpha. She nodded at Sera, “Chamber of Commerce and then Crooked Creek.”

“Bakery and then Hugh.”

Seraphine arrived at the back door of Violet Moon several minutes after her shift began. She flung the door open, and Emmaline looked up at her with one eyebrow raised.

“Better timing than yesterday!” Sera exclaimed.

“Barely,” Emmaline said with an amused grin. She had her hands in some pastry dough and her long box braids were loosely tied back.

“Still counts. Been busy back here today?”

“Always.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t get in your way.” Sera made her way towards the door that led towards the front of the shop.

“I’d just barrel through you if you did.” Emmaline winked. “I stand by my offer to teach you so you can be back here, too, and not out there with all the people.” She shuddered as she said the last word.

Sera shook her head. “I’m a curse back here. You know that. Whatever I don’t burn comes out squishy and I manage to break everything.”

“Not everything. You’re the only one who can fix that mixer we all have issues with.”

“That’s just a bit of tinkering.”

“Whatever it is, it’s a big help.” Emmaline waved a flour-covered hand. “And practice will lift whatever curse you think you have in no time.”

“I know where I’m meant to be and it’s not back here.” Sera put her hand on the swinging door. “Time to face the crowds.”

“Good luck. Oh, and Beta?”

“Yeah?”

“There was an order of tartlets no one could find a record of this morning.”

“Shoot! I forgot. I’ll take care of it now.”

She pushed through the swinging doors and heard the sound of customers chatting over the sound of soft, classical music. The entire room was drenched in soft purples and golds, from the subtle, floral wallpaper to the golden chandelier hanging in the center. Parisa hadn’t liked it at first, but Sera picked it out and her Alpha tended to give her whatever she requested.

Whether it was a tour bus dropping off a sea of tourists in the area or locals needing a sweet treat after a show or some fresh bread to start their day, if Violet Moon was open, it was busy. They were situated in the bustling arts district that had grown up around the vampire theaters and art galleries in the area — not to mention the equally popular vampire coffee shop across the street.

In her haste, Sera nearly ran into Wilma, a wolf who’d been with the pack nearly as long as herself.

“The tarts! I forgot!”

“Already taken care of,” Wilma explained, her expression neutral, as it usually was. “The customer came in a few minutes ago and I handled it.” Her abundant black curls swished around her as she continued filling the front glass display case with tartlets from the back.

“What would I do without you, Wil?”

“You’d be fine.” Wilma stood, wiping off her hands on her apron as a yawn overtook her. She turned to hide it from customers and Sera. “Sorry Beta, I didn’t rest like I should’ve yesterday, but don’t worry. It hasn’t affected the bakery at all.”

“You’re allowed to yawn. Did you stay up working on a new piece?”

Wilma nodded. “I can’t be done until I’ve reached a predetermined stopping point.”

“What’s the current obsession?”

Wilma’s features came alive. “Encaustic paintings. You mix these colored pigments into hot, liquid wax and it’s incredible.” She started speaking faster the more her gaze drifted past Sera and to her various paintings that hung on the bakery’s walls. “At first I was just making abstract pieces to learn the process, but now I’m moving into landscapes and I’ve even started researching how I can incorporate organic pieces like flowers.”

“You can always use whatever you like from the greenhouse.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it, and I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.” Wilma smiled. “Though, it’s also nice to go out into nature and find little bits of inspiration, too.”

“Makes sense. Like how a run in the woods as a wolf can clear your head.”

“Something like that.”

Sera gestured towards a collection of Wilma’s art on the wall. “Don’t you have another art show coming up?”

“Yeah, next month.”

“Excellent. You know I’ll be there as part of the ‘Wil Fan Club.’” Sera chuckled. Everyone knew she could be overly enthusiastic when it came to supporting her pack, but how could she hold back when she was surrounded by so many amazing people? “Will you include your encaustic work, too?”

“Probably not. The show was designed around my mixed-media art where I was working with paint and textiles.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see all the finished products.”

“And her new piece looks awesome,” Lock said, swinging past with a new batch of savory hand pies from the back. His sturdy and imposing build contrasted with the smile he always wore.

Wilma beamed under the attention. “Thanks. I’m still learning, but I’m pleased with the results so far.”

The bell on the front door rang and Sera instantly switched from Beta to bakery manager as Wilma waved and slipped into the back.

The steady stream of customers kept her hands and mind occupied for most of the day, but every now and then it’d drift to thoughts of the Crooked Creek Pack and their new Alpha situation. She’d never known a new Alpha before. The ones she knew had been around for decades, even centuries. A new Alpha with aggression issues seemed like a cause for alarm, even if life was continuing like normal around the whole situation.

Whatever Jason chose, to remain with his pack or break off and begin a new one, it would forever change the Crooked Creek Pack. Any changes in a pack always shook even the firmest foundations. Welcoming Jo to the Pitch Mountain Pack a few months ago was the right decision, but it didn’t mean the balance wasn’t upset for a little while — or still was. Parisa spent a lot of time helping Jo acclimate to both being a wolf and to pack life which meant more fell on Sera’s plate, which also meant Wilma had to pick up more slack when Sera’s messy binder and brain meant some things fell through the cracks.

“Do you have anything you’d recommend?”

Sera startled out of her customer service autopilot mode. A man on the other side of the counter focused on her.

“Are you in the mood for something sweet or savory?”

“Someone like you seems sweet, so why don’t we go with that?”

One of those types, then. Sera kept her eyes from rolling. She painted on the smile that was reserved for times when the situation demanded civility, but Sera wanted to be petty. “The daily fruit tartlet assortment is always popular, as are our ‘wolf-sized croissants,’ but the sheermal is our specialty and we only have it three days a week, so best to get it before it sells out.”

The man laughed and leaned over the counter. “Going to have to tell me what that last one is.”

“Persian sweet bread. The owner made today’s batch with rosewater and saffron, like always, with added raisins and pistachios.”

“I thought you were gonna give me something sweet.”

“There’s always fruit tartlets,” she said and welcomed the rush of relief she felt when he finally picked something, paid, and sat down. He was still in her eyesight, but at least he wasn’t talking anymore.

“Want me to kill him for you?” Lock snuck behind her and laughed.

“Don’t even joke about that,” Sera hissed, but she was torn between being professional and laughing.

“Look, I’ll cut you a deal. I take care of that one for you and then I get to chase down the tourist who asked me what my ‘spirit animal’ was today while you turn the other way.” Lock, full name Amos Locklear, was built like a brick wall and was everything that someone would assume a werewolf should look like, but he was probably the gentlest one in the pack.

“Isn’t your shift over?” Sera changed the subject.

“Covering for Olive in front of the house. She’s got finals coming up.”

“Don’t you, too?”

“Yeah, but I’m fine. And this is, like, my fourth degree. Who cares about As at this point?”

“That’s awfully kind of you.”

“What can I say? I’m always this kind.” He winked before ducking back into the kitchen.

“Excuse me.”

Sera snapped her head back towards the front counter. A young boy who had to stretch to peek over the surface caught her attention. Her heart clenched. He had brown hair like her own and dots of sun freckles across his cheeks.

“Can I help you?” Sera forced out the words and smile.

“Three curry hand pies, please.” His little hand shot up, holding a fistful of money. He dumped it on the counter. “It’s my birthday so we get to have lunch not at my house and mom says I’m big enough to buy the pies by myself now. Some of this is my money.”

“Happy birthday,” she said around the lump in her throat. He had freckles and rosy cheeks. Her vision tunneled. Her heart beat in strange, staccato bursts and there was a ringing in her ears. The past collided with the present and she was back in a seaside town in a well-loved kitchen telling her younger brother to wait for the cookies to cool before he had any.

“Just three, please,” the boy said.

Sera pulled herself back to the present. “Do you want anything else?” She started boxing the three hand pies, starved for anything else to think about.

The little boy looked over his shoulder at a table with a woman and a disinterested teenager scrolling on her phone. The woman shook her head.

“Just pies.” He started bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Please,” he added. “I always need to say ‘please.’”

Sera’s gaze followed his back to the table where his mother gave him two thumbs up for a job well done. He beamed as he collected his change and the purple boxed lunch. Watching him walk away, she sagged in on herself and picked out a custard tartlet in the case she’d take home later to make herself feel better.

It had never been like this before Jo came.

three

“Why do you always insist on meeting here? We could try somewhere closer to where we live.” Seraphine huffed with no real bite when she saw Hugh at their regular table near the back of the heavenly-scented, dark, but cozy cafe. No matter how her day was going, visits with Hugh always made it better. “Not that I don’t love supporting our friendly neighborhood feline shifters, but we both travel across town to get here when you literally work in a coffee shop across the street from our bakery.”

Hugh raised an eyebrow as he closed his book. “I don’t work at the shop. I am co-owner of that very successful shop.”

The vampire was striking in appearance, like firm, steady mahogany, both in complexion and personality. He preferred to use as few words as possible to get his point across, though he did have a flair for the dramatic. His playful side only came out with those he trusted.

“And how many co-owners are there?” Sera teased.

“Four, but glad to see you’re as cheeky as ever.”

“You wouldn't have it any other way.”

“And to answer your question for the millionth time, you know we meet here because I cannot stand the idea of running into any of the younger members of our coven when I direly need a break from wrangling them and all their baser instincts.”

“Your numbers do grow more often than ours.”

Hugh rubbed at his temples as if vampires could have headaches. “There is no need to remind me.”

He cleared his throat, sitting up straighter. “We are blessed with a Lord whose transfigurative powers are unparalleled in the region. It is only natural that he adds worthy members to our ranks regularly. I would expect nothing less from my dear Clemente.”

“Spoken like a very fine, upstanding member of your coven and Clemente’s very good boy.” She smirked.

“As though you’re one to talk, mon lou lou.”

“I fear my lou lou days are quite far behind me. Much too old for something so childish.”

“To me, you are still a little sprout popping up from the fertile soil. And I’d warrant that today you were still quite the rule following, upstanding little representative of your pack that you’ve always been.”

“Naturally, of course.” Sera replied with an air of dignity. “Why would I do anything to harm the pack’s reputation?”

“At least where people can see.”

“Yes, away from prying eyes things can get a little, well, grayer.”

“But never in front of your Alpha,” Hugh finished, looking smug.

“You’re no different. I doubt you’ve ever done anything around your dear Clemente that he wouldn't approve of.”

“Good thing his list of things he disapproves of is so short,” Hugh added with a salacious tone. “There’s plenty of room to partake in a dalliance of decadent delights in the dark. Together. Separately. You know how we are. We don’t bother with unnecessary boundaries.”

“I wish I didn’t know what you mean, but we’ve been friends for long enough that my mind is filled with things I’ve tried to forget.”

Hugh puffed out a laugh. “I’ll get you to loosen up one way or another. Or maybe I could get you to help that Alpha of yours loosen up a little.”

“Choose your next words carefully, Hugh.”

“What’s with the warning, my dear? I’m the innocent party here, just sitting by watching two obviously in love —”

“Hugh.”

“Obviously attracted to one —”

“Hugh.”

“Watching two wolves dance around their love and lust for one another for decades and wishing they could see what is so obvious to the rest is absolutely exhausting. You must understand the pain I’m going through here.”

“And how are things going with Eugene?” Sera deflected, enjoying the way Hugh’s smirk slipped from his face. It was easier to point out his own romantic entanglements than consider her own.

“He’s insufferable as always. The loudest, most obnoxious new vampire we’ve turned in years. Years! And he’s glued to my side.”

“Because he’s —”

“An idiot.”

“Because he’s infatuated with you.”

“If he is, that’s a personal problem.”

“Especially personal when you’re growing quite fond of him yourself.”

“As if that could ever be true.” He focused his attention back on Sera. “And don’t think that distracted me. You two were made for each other. You and Parisa work as a perfect pair.”

“Exactly. Work. We run the pack together. It’s not a relationship, not in that sense. There’s a deeper level than most working partnerships, but it’s biological, instinctual. You know this, Hugh, and yet you insist —”

“But she gets your heart beating faster, doesn’t she? Gets those little wolf hairs standing up at the back of your neck?”

“And this conversation is done.” Sera shot him a look, mustering malice but coming up short because she could never be angry with Hugh. “What are you ordering?”

At least Hugh was gracious enough to drop it. “The usual, my love.”

Sera walked off to order, rolling her eyes at Hugh’s comments.

Sera was no stranger to romance. She’d dabbled in dating. It’s just that over the years nothing had stuck. Man, woman, or somewhere in between, she hadn’t found anyone she wanted to spend that much time with and she’d eventually given up on the whole thing, choosing instead to focus on her role as Beta at her Alpha’s side.

Her connection to Parisa was the bond between an Alpha and a Beta. They were close friends at most. Parisa was objectively attractive — Sera had eyes — but there was no quickened heartbeat, a sudden realization, or any of those other cliches. That wasn’t the nature of their bond.

There was more to it all than just the title of Alpha and Beta. An Alpha underwent changes when they fought the wolf within and emerged victorious. The same happened to a Beta when they followed tradition and sparred with their Alpha to accept the new position in the pack. The change didn’t give a Beta the strength and speed of an Alpha, but it transformed something in them at a deep level and the bond between Alpha and Beta grew stronger, too. It was bone-deep and instinctual.

Hugh could never understand. It was a wolf thing.

Sera flopped down on the couch in the busy living room and wrapped her hands around her warm mug of coffee, a store-bought bag of cookies beside her.

“Any new additions to the ‘Edgar library’ lately?” Sera asked her packmate.

Edgar glanced up from his book, still dressed every bit like a stereotypical college professor with his tweet blazer. “Why? You need another?”

“Not yet. Just curious if you’d found anything new.”

“You know the bookstore always holds the best new romance for me, so I’ve got plenty when you need a new book. Of course, I get first read. I need to know if it’s good enough to share.” He smiled, warm like his copper skin.

“Your choices are always good enough to share.”

More of her packmates were sitting around the family room. Diah and Harry were on the floor playing a card game. Diah, usually sweet, was cutthroat during games. She tossed back her long, straight black hair and threw down a card and ordered Harry to “draw four!”

Carina looked paler than usual on the other side of the room after another day with her own pack of fourth graders. The magazine in her hands slipped to the side as she fell asleep.

“Beta!” Jo bounced into the room.

Startled, Sera’s coffee sloshed in her mug, some of it running over the side.

“Did you have a good day?” Jo beamed. “I hope it was a good day. Mine was good. Okay. Decent.” They stood in front of Sera, looking expectant.

Sera pinched her lips together as the wound in her heart reopened. Her brother had been bouncy and excitable, too. He had messy hair like Jo. He’d smelled like them, too, like sunshine and forests. She couldn’t remember much of her life before the change, but she got flashes of him, so crystal clear sometimes. She didn’t know whether she wanted to cling to them or bury them.

For now, she buried it the best she could, but the pang in her chest remained.

“It was good,” Sera replied, voice thin.

“Awesome.” Jo’s smile broadened and they plopped down on the couch beside Sera — right beside Sera. There was plenty of room on the other end, but Jo chose a seat that forced them to nearly touch. “You know, Wil’s been teaching me ceramics. It’s really fun and my hands get gross, which is also great. Do you like ceramics?”

Sera didn’t turn her head, but her face tingled where Jo was looking at her. “I haven’t tried it. Not in years, at least.”

“Oh, you totally should. You could join us sometime when you’re not busy! Not that you’re not busy, just, like, if you have a moment when you’re not busy. But I know you’re busy so don’t worry about it if you can’t.”

“I don’t want to intrude on your friend time.”

“You’d never be intruding! We’d be happy for you to join us.”

Sera glanced around the living room and caught her packmates staring and hiding grins.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Awesome! And if you’re busy that’s fine. I know you’re usually busy. You’re Beta and all!” Jo tipped their head to the side and let it land on Sera’s shoulder.

Sera tensed at the contact. Jo was enthusiastic in their affections, but they’d never initiated anything beyond a handshake or a quick, jumpy hug. This felt different. Her chest tightened as her heartbeat quickened. The ringing in her ears was back. She wasn’t on the couch anymore, but on the coast, running after a little boy until, finally quiet and calm, he sagged against her side.

“Jo, I —”

Sera bolted upright half a second before the rest of the pack in the room did the same.

Their Alpha burst through the back door of the house, looking every bit as put together as always, but there was a wild look in her eyes.

The levity vanished from the room. The younger wolves dipped their heads in deference.

She stared at Sera. “We need to talk.”

“Close the door behind you,” Parisa ordered. She paced around her office with her arms folded and her face pinched in concentration.

“What’s the news from Crooked Creek?” Sera asked, tone low enough to avoid being overheard.

“Not good. Clyde’s worried Jason’s on his way to becoming a failed Alpha. He’s losing the fight to his Alpha wolf. The aggression’s gotten worse. He’s pushing back against Clyde’s authority. If this were the old days, he would have been taken care of by now.”

Sera shuddered at the insinuation. “How do we help?”

“Support,” Parisa said, locking eyes. “Clyde needed assurance that we could lend our strength if needed and that, if it came to it — heaven forbid — we could take in some of his pack if Jason were to duel him and he lost.”

“Has it really come to that?”

“Last night’s aggression was a wake-up call.” Parisa leaned back on her desk, arms crossed. “For everyone. We forget that the old ways are still alive because we don’t see them daily. We run bakeries and bookstores. We lead tours up to waterfalls. We don’t fight for authority. We don’t struggle like we used to, but, Sera —” Parisa took a step towards her. “Nothing about our pasts, our natures, has disappeared. We just have the luxury of ignoring the darker sides — until something like this.”

“Fight for authority?” Sera balked. “Is that what Jason intends to do? To fight Clyde for control of the pack?”

It was unheard of for duels to happen these days. Now packs settled the matter of a new Alpha by sharing authority or breaking off and beginning a new, smaller pack.

“No,” Parisa replied, features darkening. “He doesn’t intend to duel Clyde.”

“So there’s no chance that Jason would try to take control of the pack?”

“We’re straying from the point.” Parisa clenched her fists at her sides. “He simply needs to know we’re with him.”

“Of course we are,” Sera added, voice quieter than before. She bowed her head, instincts taking over. An angry Alpha was an Alpha that demanded more deference and respect.

“I don’t mean for any of this to leave this room.”

“You intend to keep this a secret?”

“I intend to do what’s necessary to keep everyone safe, our pack and theirs.”

“But our packs interact regularly. Without knowing about it the rest of our pack could be in —”

“I’ve got it handled.”

Words that she couldn’t hold back burned on her tongue. “What about the upcoming moon cycle? There’s no way we’ll be able to spend it on Crooked Creek’s land, especially if our pack doesn’t know.”

“Things took a turn for the worse overnight. Things may also turn around as quickly. Clyde’s a strong Alpha. He can manage this.” Parisa glanced away. “I am cautiously optimistic.”

Sera took a moment to gather herself. “Me, too. Even at my worst, you brought me back. I’m sure they can bring him back, too.”

“Leave it to you to know exactly what I needed to hear tonight.” She let out a deep breath. “I will collect myself and then perhaps it’d be a great time for some tea and coffee by the fire, yes?”

Sera put away the ugliness of the evening and tried to smile. “I’ll put the kettle on for you.”

four

Sera opened the back door of the bakery and expected to find a busy kitchen. Days had passed since the escalation with Jason and they hadn’t heard any good news from Crooked Creek. She was looking forward to a hectic shift to get her mind off of things. Instead, she saw Parisa standing by herself at the other end. Her Alpha looked up from where she was kneading dough.

“Surprised to find me here? Me, too. It’s not a bread-making day, but I needed the stress relief.”

Sera opened her mouth to ask why, worried something else had happened with Jason, but Parisa continued, her voice growing softer.

“Don't mind me. I’m just caught up in my head today.”

“Any reason?” Sera asked, shutting the door.

Parisa kept kneading, staring at her hands as she worked. Sera stood beside her, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

“Care to join in, azizam?” Parisa held up dough-covered fingers, ignoring the question.

Sera shook her head.

“You haven’t ruined anything lately,” Parisa noted.

“Because I haven’t attempted anything in years.”

“If you insist on not baking, I’d still like to have your company.” Parisa smiled, a small, fragile thing. “You could slice fruit for Billie before she makes tonight’s batch of tartlets.”

“I bet I could still find a way to ruin that.”

Parisa glanced over at her. “I bet not. Alpha orders, so you have to try.”

Sera protested, but got to work across from Parisa. None of her kitchen skills were up to par with the rest of the house, but instead of wallowing in all the imperfections in her cuts, Sera forced herself to be present. Quiet moments together like this were precious to her, and Sera was glad they didn’t feel the need to spoil it with unnecessary talking. There was a conversation all its own taking place in the way they moved around one another in the kitchen.

She was focusing so much on her work that she didn’t notice Parisa was beside her until the skin on her arm tingled. Startled, she almost dropped the glass bowl of fruit she was holding, but Parisa reached out to catch it. Parisa’s hands cradled her own like they were made of glass, too.

“Whoops, glad for those wolf reflexes,” Sera said with a strained laugh, Parisa’s hands still touching hers. “Though I suppose if they were a bit better I wouldn't have gotten jumpy and dropped it in the first place.” She looked over her shoulder because Parisa still hadn’t moved.

Her Alpha’s eyes were focused on her and the world around them went silent. Sera couldn’t hear the hustle and bustle in the front of the shop, the annoying fan noise the industrial oven made, or even that faint sound of the fridge that only she and a couple of the other wolves could hear. The dark green of Parisa’s eyes swallowed her like the forest that sat behind their home.

“Pari?”

Parisa snatched her hands away, looking down at them, then back at Sera. “Told you I was out of sorts tonight. Nothing a freshly baked loaf of bread can’t fix, right?” She spun around on her heels, skirt swirling around her as she dashed towards the oven. “Shouldn’t be long now.”

She kept talking but Sera found it hard to listen. The backs of her hands still felt warm.

“You were gone for a while today,” Sera said, placing the pot of tea she’d brought for her Alpha on the small table between their chairs in the living room. The fire had dwindled down to embers, but the room still felt warm and welcoming.

The tension that crackled in the air since the Alpha situation at Crooked Creek started had lessened. Sera still hadn’t heard any news, but Parisa seemed to be more like herself — no more surprise emotional bread baking — if a bit tired.

“Another hike with Jo to give them some space to talk about how the transition is going,” replied Parisa, pouring herself some tea before settling back into her chair, shoulders curling in on herself. She smelled like sunshine and forests, but looked deflated.

“Wear yourself out?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re getting old,” Sera teased.

“I’m already old.” Parisa laughed, but the sound was weak. “And you are, too.”

“Excuse me. You’re only as old as you feel. And I feel about twenty.”

Parisa raised a drowsy eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Sera snickered. She searched Parisa’s face for reasons she might be less animated. Typically, an evening out with a pack member put her in good spirits. “Is everything okay with Jo?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Nothing out of the ordinary there. It is difficult, though.”

“Their transformation?”

“That, but also, on a very selfish note, I’ve been considering the difficulty of finding that balance between the role of a modern Alpha and that of a traditional one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I spend my day managing the pack, both like a business and a family, but I no longer provide for my pack, not in a ‘let me lead us on a hunt’ kind of way. It’s been ages since I’ve kept up a decent sparring schedule.” She glanced at Sera, who’d been her partner for that in the past. “I can’t help but feel I’ve lost something. Maybe by striving to be who I thought my pack needed, I’ve forgotten to be who they actually need.”

Sera felt like she was being handed pieces of a puzzle without knowing what she was supposed to make with them. “No one here — absolutely no one here — finds you lacking in anything.”

“No one in this pack, no. But that’s always how it’s been, hasn’t it? If you’re going to be one of the only female Alphas in the region, you have to be prepared for how everyone wants you to fail.”

“Did someone say something to you?” Sera sat upright. Her voice was a low growl as she gripped her coffee cup.

“Nothing for you to concern yourself with.”

Sera’s heart beat faster. Her skin felt prickly as the wolf’s defensive instincts grew. “If someone questioned your reputation, or the reputation of this pack, then it is my concern.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Parisa replied, silencing any further comment.

Sera seethed, running through Parisa’s schedule in her mind and wondering who had caused this.

“I can handle myself, my dear Beta.”

“And if I do my job right, you shouldn’t have to handle anything like that. Seriously, if someone said something to you, I’ll —” Sera placed a hand on Parisa’s knee.

“Everything’s fine,” Parisa said, closing her eyes and letting out a slow, heavy breath. “I’m processing a lot. I do have something to discuss regarding all this, and I promise I’ll let you know. Tomorrow. I need to sleep on it.” She paused. “I’m sorry to dump all my thoughts. I have no one else to complain to but you.”

Sera patted Parisa’s leg, then placed her hands in her lap. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.” Parisa smiled, grabbed her tea, and took a sip. “Now, can we talk about anything else? How about the book Edgar lent you? I saw you tearing through it the other night. You were probably in here until sunrise.”

Sera couldn’t let go of her worry, but she froze, knowing the reason she had been up so long reading was because the book had reached the sweet, sweet tension relieving point where the characters finally got together. “You know how it is with a good book.”

“I hadn’t read that one yet. Would you recommend it?”

Sera held her cup tighter with her sweaty palms at the thought of Parisa reading this and knowing Sera had been into it — really into it. “Yes, if you like sort of thing,” she said, but she could feel a blush creeping up past her collar. Some of Edgar’s books were of a more heated variety, especially this one.

“What sort of thing?” There was a teasing lilt to Parisa’s voice.

There was no hiding it. Everyone knew what type of books Edgar bought from the fairy bookstore downtown. “Richly rewarding plots.”

“So very, very rewarding,” Parisa echoed with a sly smile.

With violets fresh from the greenhouse in hand, Sera entered Parisa’s office ready to start their day together, but Parisa’s serious expression set the tone from the moment she walked in. She dipped her head in deference and shut the door.

“I have something I need to discuss. This is going to sound sudden, but please know I’ve been considering it for some time now,” Parisa began. She gestured for Sera to take a seat. “I know we’re not a large pack by modern standards, but the bakery continues to grow, our pack welcomes new members every few years — I believe we could handle more — and we need to continue to set our eyes on the future.”

“Don’t we already do that? What else can we do?”

“I’m naming Wilma as Gamma.”

Sera felt like the floor had dropped out from under her. Her stomach swooped as she replayed the words, processing them, willing them to make sense. A Gamma? In a pack their size? The Crooked Creek Pack had four wolves with named positions, but their pack numbered in the thirties, not thirteen. It didn’t make sense. They were doing well with just the two of them. Why did they need a third person in a leadership position?

“I can see your wheels turning, Seraphine. In this modern age, it’s unconventional. I’ll grant you that. But traditionally a pack of our size would have had a Gamma decades ago. Historically, we should have an Alpha, a Beta, a Gamma, and a Delta, at the very least.”

“I know that, but the needs of a modern pack are different.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot and, honestly, is it all that different?”

“Pari, Alpha. Our lives are different now. We’re not running and hiding in the woods, fearing for our safety if the town finds out. We’re not fighting off other packs. You’re not facing duel after duel for your authority anymore.”

Parisa’s face darkened. Her eyes flashed amber. She pinched her lips together in a tight, straight line before she spoke again, voice deep and rumbling. “The health, safety, and reputation of the pack comes before all else. Haven’t we lulled ourselves into complacency? Haven't we weakened ourselves by throwing out too many of our old traditions?”

“What are you talking about?”

Parisa sat forward in her chair, bringing her hand down hard on the top of her desk. “These traditions were there for a reason. They’re not like the lofty, meaningless titles humans give each other at their jobs. This is the structure and the foundation of a pack. The pack must be strong in every regard, on every front. Strong enough to meet any challenge.”

There was a desperation in Parisa’s eyes that was nothing like the Alpha she met with daily. Sera warred within herself, but dipped her head. “I will, of course, support any decision you make for the strength of the pack.”

Parisa relaxed, but Sera could smell Parisa’s heightened emotions in the air and feel her rapid heartbeat as though it were rattling around in Sera’s chest, too. Her Alpha took a steadying breath and attempted to paint on a different expression, but it was a thin veneer.

“I think she’s perfect for it,” Parisa said. “She’s already an essential part of the bakery and this pack. We wouldn't function without her.”

As much as she felt something slipping away from her, Sera had to agree with the choice. “Wil is perfect for leadership. She’s confident and steady.” Unlike herself, Sera thought with a pang in her chest.

“Precisely what I was thinking. I love when we’re on the same page like this. Though we often are, aren’t we?” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yes. Great for pack leadership to be in accord like this,” Sera replied, shoulders tense. “Thanks for asking for my opinion. I know you didn’t need it.”

“You’re right. I would have done it anyway, but I like knowing what’s going on in that head of yours.”

The clock on the wall rang out, and Parisa stood. “I have an appointment to keep and I will never be late. I’ll go straight from there to Crooked Creek because Clyde has asked for me again,” she said casually, like this also wasn’t potentially big news. “Don’t wait up for me. I don’t know how long I’ll be there. Perhaps all night if they need me.”

Sera tried to not let the silly sting she felt in her heart show. There’d be no chat by the fire tonight, then. “Of course.”

“I’ve scheduled a meeting with Wilma for tomorrow evening, too. I will take that alone but will instruct her that, afterwards, she may come to you with questions. I’m not good at that sort of thing.”

Sera nodded, knowing she was doing a terrible job of hiding her true feelings. Though, if Parisa could read her like a book, then Sera could do the same for her. She didn’t always know the details, but she’d known Parisa long enough to know she was keeping something to herself. That hurt worse than any of the doubts about herself that this conversation had unearthed.

Parisa walked towards the door, but paused beside Sera. She placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “It’s a good thing. I promise.”

“I know.”

“It will be good for this pack and for both of us.”

“I know,” Sera repeated.

“Azizam.” Parisa’s hand slid down Sera’s arm. “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”

Sera glanced at her. “I’m fine. It’s just big news. I’m processing everything.”

“Well, you know I’m always here for you. And Wilma will be, too.” Parisa patted her arm and left.

Sera looked down at her hands and her mood sank further. She’d crushed the violet stems in her fist. Doing her best to make them look nice again, she placed them in the vase on Parisa’s desk. She had a feeling they wouldn't be admired today, but she wanted them there for Parisa just in case her Alpha had a moment for herself.

Sera glanced at the clock. She didn’t really have the time before her bakery shift, but she needed to run. She needed to be her wolf and deal with the rest of the day later.

five

If Parisa wanted a Gamma, Wilma was the right choice and Sera knew it. She could deal with it.

Sera’s day proved otherwise.

“Hugh, I’m falling apart,” she whined, holding her head in her hands as she stared down into the frothy latte art in her mug. Hugh had it waiting for her when she arrived after a hectic shift at Violet Moon. “I don’t know where my head was today.”

“At the top of your neck,” he replied.

Sera made a face at him. “I messed up orders, straight up forgot to schedule our fruit delivery, and stepped in custard.”

“Why was there custard on the floor? Of the bakery, I hope.”

“Yes, in the bakery. And I don’t know! I’ll have to ask Billie later.” She sighed, and it broke into a weak bout of laughter. “I ruined a shoe.”

“Which one? Not the good boots I like, right?”

“No, those are safe.”

“Thank goodness for small miracles.”

“Wait, are those the only pair of my shoes you like?”

Hugh sipped his espresso.

“Rude.”

“Your little red binder wasn’t there to save you?”

Sera shot him a look. “It was! Just, you know, after the fact. It’s how I realized I missed the delivery. I went back to find a receipt from that ceramics place we buy dishes from — knew exactly where that was, by the way — and I noticed I’d missed a note to call the farm we order from.”

“Was the note crumpled?”

“Beside the point. I found the thing, was triumphant for all of five seconds, and then stepped in custard.”

“I mourn for all the filled treats that never were. Speaking of —” He wiggled his fingers in front of him.

Sera reached into her bag and presented the pretty box all the bakery’s treats were packed inside. She’d tied it closed with a silver ribbon. “I come bearing gifts, of course.”

“The only gift I need is right here in front of me.” Hugh winked and flashed a bright, toothy grin.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“But flattery gets you everywhere, my dear.” He took the box. “And it also gets me —” He let his voice trail off.

“Some naan khormaei, since I know you can’t stand the overly sweet stuff and you love when it’s Parisa’s baking days. She didn’t have time to make her usual big batch today, so be glad you got one of the few.” She pointed down at her cup. “What do I have the pleasure of enjoying this evening?”

“Just a simple latte.”

Sera raised an eyebrow as she wrapped her hands around it, knowing it was anything but.

“With house-made cardamom syrup, a generous amount of cinnamon, some nutmeg, allspice, and that vanilla syrup you like so much.”

“It smells divine. You always know just what I’m in the mood for.” She smiled before taking her first sip. “But you know what I’m really in the mood for?”

Hugh tilted his head in interest.

“A chance to complain loudly until I feel better and maybe something stronger than coffee.”

Hugh reached across the table to set his hand on top of hers. “Whine to your heart’s content, and then maybe we can dash over to the wine bar after.”

“I see what you did there.”

“I’m very clever.”

“Dork.”

“Excuse you, I’m extremely charming.”

“You can be both, you know.” She squeezed her friend’s hand and sat upright, taking a deep breath and figuring out how she was going to complain without spilling confidential pack business. Hugh would know she was holding something back, but at least he was kind enough to not dig too much.

Hugh’s idea to go to the wine bar sounded better by the second.

Sera made a beeline for the greenhouse when she got home. She needed the comfort of running her fingers through soil and caring for her plants. She didn’t know how long she’d been in there when she sensed someone was near and stood up straight, eyes on the door.

“Beta Seraphine.” Wilma said as she entered, voice shaky. She looked exhausted. “Do you have a moment?”

“Of course,” Sera replied. Wilma’s clothes were disheveled and her face bore signs of bruises that were quickly healing. Clearly Parisa’s conversation with her had included more than just talking. Her stomach tangled into knots at the thought that the position had already been given, that they’d already completed the traditional sparring, and Wilma was officially Gamma.

Wilma wrapped her brightly-colored shawl tighter around her shoulders as she stepped closer. “I believe you already know what’s happened.”

Sera nodded, unable to find the right words.

“I accepted. It’s done.”

Sera’s chest tightened.

“I’m honored and I know I can be what my pack needs me to be,” Wilma said.

Sera knew Wilma truly believed that. She didn’t lie to seem stronger than she was. She didn’t have to. “Congratulations, truly. You’re the right choice.”

“Thank you, but I know how I can be, how people see me. Blunt. Arrogant at times. Unable to read between the lines. A bit too caught up in my own world to hold a conversation for long. And all these things are true, except the arrogant part, and I like those things just fine, but do you think they’ll get in the way of being a good Gamma?” Some of Wilma’s usual confidence faded away.

“Never,” Sera said. “The things that make you who you are could never get in the way.”

“I’m not sure how to act now.”

“Like who you should be around the pack?”

Wilma nodded. “Should I be different?”

“What did Parisa say?”

“That I was chosen because of who I was, not what I should be.”

Sera smiled, the words filling her chest with fondness. “She’s exactly right. You’re who you need to be. You’re who this pack needs you to be.” Wilma was who she needed her to be, too — someone to lean on when she often fell short.

“Thanks,” Wilma said quietly, her fingers playing with the hem of her shawl. “I’ll try to follow your example.”

Sera laughed. “Oh, please don’t do that. We don’t need someone else like me trying to lead the pack.”

Wilma looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m definitely not the right role model. Watch Parisa if you need to know how to be.”

“But my role is much closer to yours,” she started, looking confused. “You’re the bridge between the Alpha and the pack. Now I’ll be a part of that bridge, too.”

“Just be a part of that bridge in your own way. Don’t follow me.”

“But you’re an excellent Beta.”

Sera wished she could believe her. She cracked a smile anyway because she didn’t want to be rude. “Thanks, Wil. I think I try, but I’m a mess. I just do my best, is all.”

“The pack doesn’t expect more than that. And they love you, you know. We all do.” Wilma’s voice grew quieter. “I do, too.”

“Wil.” Warmth flooded Sera’s chest and she moved to pull Wilma into a hug, but remembered to ask, “Is it alright if I hug you?”

Wilma smiled and nodded.

Sera hugged her, Wilma’s curls pressing against her cheek.

Wilma squeezed her back in return. “We’re going to tell everyone tomorrow,” she said over Sera’s shoulder. “The plan is to close the bakery and have a dinner.”

Sera patted her back and stepped away. “It’ll be nice to have everyone together. And to celebrate you, of course.”

Despite her own selfish thoughts about the situation, it was an event worth celebrating. Wilma was definitely worth celebrating.

Members of the pack often ate together because it was impossible to be alone in a house of thirteen, but it was rare for everyone to sit around the giant oak table in their dining room. It was good to see her pack all together, even if Sera’s stomach was a knot of nerves.

Parisa stood at the head of the table, back straight, shoulders squared. She spoke in her commanding voice, the one Sera didn’t often hear, and ran through the preparations for the moon cycle while Sera felt like she was about to burst with the news.

“I think we all need a reminder that the moon cycle is both exhilarating and draining, so we need to all be preparing so that we are both physically and mentally ready for the change. We have excellent cooks in our midst providing nutritious meals, but I’ve noticed a sharp increase in the amount of, well, less than substantive snacks around the house.”

Some of the wolves shared guilty grins with one another. Sera thought about the store-bought, overly sweet chocolate sandwich cookies in her bedside table drawer.

“So please make sure you pay close attention to your nutrition in the days ahead of the moon cycle so you are able to care for both your pack and yourself. In addition, physical training shouldn’t be ignored. I, myself, fall into this trap with a busy schedule, but being physically ready for the change is paramount. If we keep the health of the pack in mind, we should all be set to have an exciting two days in the country this month.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Additionally, I know that, even though we’ve kept a tight lid on any gossip, every single one of you knows about the Alpha situation at Crooked Creek. I’ve been there several times over the past few weeks and please know that Clyde’s level of concern has dropped after some initial well-founded concerns. However, he has suggested that we move deeper into our borrowed area to give this newly presented Alpha the space he needs during this challenging time.”

Any wolf was more aggressive and territorial during the full moon, so a new Alpha was a wild card. Giving him more space was a wise idea, though she wished they had other options. As the only city-bound pack in the region, their choices for places where werewolves could roam free was limited.

“And with that out of the way, I have much more exciting news for our pack. The Pitch Mountain Pack has grown over the past several decades.” She smiled at the newer wolves before landing on Jo. “With growth comes the need to adapt. As we change and look to the future, we must also reflect on tradition and what makes us who we are in order to secure the health and safety of this pack for generations to come. And with that —”

Parisa glanced at Sera to her right, Wilma to her left, and reached for her wine glass, filled with one of her favorite reds, and raised it in a toast. There were whispers as the other wolves did the same.

“I’d like to present to you all our new pack Gamma, with all her strength, creativity, and stellar character, our dearest Wilma.”

The others raised their glasses, but Jo leapt out of their seat and threw their arms around Wilma’s shoulders before pulling back, confused. “Wait, what’s that mean?”

A chorus of laughter rang out across the table. “It means she’s pack leadership now,” Olive explained, beaming from beneath a crown of bright red hair, freckles dotting her cheeks. “And a wonderful choice.”

Benjamin, or Benny, one of the youngest wolves, jumped up from his seat. “This is huge! Congrats, Wil!”

Jo hugged Wil tighter, still squealing with delight until they locked eyes with Parisa. They slid back into their chair and looked down at their hands, a blush spreading across their cheeks.

“So you’re like a Beta now?” Jo asked under their breath, but in a house full of wolves few things went unheard.

“Oh goodness no,” Wilma replied with a laugh. “Not even close.”

“I wouldn't say that.” Sera set her forearms on the table and leaned forward with a soft smile. “I’d say you’re pretty close to me now. And rightfully so.”

‘This is so exciting!” Diah clapped her hands. “You already do so much and now it’s super official.”

Similar sentiments were echoed by all of their packmates.

Edgar leaned forward. “This might still be somewhat new to me and I might not understand the significance of everything, but I can recognize greatness in my students and I can see it in you, too, Wil.”

“Well now I’m feeling a bit choked up,” Sera admitted. Hearing everyone say things about Wilma and their years together in the pack made her remember all of those little moments that time had pushed to the back of her mind.

When Wilma joined the pack several years after Sera, she couldn’t understand Wilma’s decision to turn. Enough time had passed by then that Sera had begun to accept what had happened to her and even learned to embrace the wolf after it was tamed, but she couldn’t understand giving up a human existence for this. Yet, here was this person, full of energy and life, not even thirty, and she knew exactly what she wanted.

For years, too, Wilma kept mostly to herself. She needed her time alone more than anything. They were friendly with one another, but there’d been a disconnect between Wilma and herself. But as the pack grew, Sera recognized that the only disconnect was on her end, on not understanding the ways Wilma shared herself with the world, especially through her art.

“I’m just so proud of you,” Sera added.

“Not much else to say.” Parisa gazed at Wilma, eyes a bit glassy. “Nothing more perfect than what you all have said, but I’ll try anyway. You’ve been with us for decades and I’ve gotten to watch you grow and change — oh my, I sound like someone’s mother.” Parisa laughed. “But I do sort of feel that way. When you came to us you were so self-assured and ready and none of that has ever changed. You tackle everything with a confident, matter-of-fact nature that’s served you well and yet your art is so inspired and shows the creative soul that lies just beneath that sometimes steely exterior. You’re truly a wonder.” She raised her glass again. “To Wilma, our Gamma.”

The lively atmosphere returned in an instant as people clinked glasses and conversation struck up again with new energy. Across the table from Sera, Wilma took it all in. She was silent, which wasn’t rare for her, but the dumbstruck expression was.

Maybe having mixed feelings about this change wasn’t strange after all. Wilma was experiencing something similar. Or maybe Sera was telling herself this to get rid of the twisted up, guilty feeling in her stomach because she couldn’t just be happy about the whole thing like she wanted to be.

She turned to find Parisa focused on her with an unreadable look on her face. She stared in a way that made a shiver run down Sera’s back.

“Everything alright?” Sera reached for her glass with a shaky hand.

“Fine. Just a mind full of thoughts. What else is new?”

“Good thoughts, I hope.”

“Oh, always a mixed bag.” Parisa wrapped her fingers around her glass and took a long sip of wine.

“Wait, wait, wait, why can’t a pack have two Alphas?” Jo’s voice dropped the moment they realized they’d caught the attention of everyone at the table, including Sera and Parisa. They ducked their head in a quick nod at the both of them. “I was just wondering about all the Jason stuff. Why’s it such a big deal? Can a pack not have two?”

Wilma was the first to answer. “They can. The younger Alpha has to accept the authority of the other, or I suppose in some cases the other way around, and they can co-lead the pack with any disagreements being sorted by going to the Alpha the other submitted to. The Yadkin Falls pack has two Alphas.”

“But usually they form their own pack amicably, which is why we have so many smaller packs nowadays,” Sera said. “It’s so different from how things used to be. In the past, the two Alphas fought, the winner won the pack, and the other Alpha was killed,” she said the last part in a hushed tone. “Now the losing Alpha is stripped of their power and their pack.”

“They’d really abandon their Alpha?” Jo’s expression was incredulous.

“There’s more to an Alpha than just leading the pack. There’s changes we can’t really understand that take place, and when an Alpha loses them, the ties that bind the pack weaken, too. The pack as a whole grows weaker. They also lose their grip on their wolf and may fail to tame the Alpha wolf inside.”

“Have you ever had anyone challenge you?” Jo blurted in Parisa’s direction.

Wilma elbowed them hard in the side. Jo slumped in their chair, but kept their eyes on Parisa.

“Yes.” Parisa stared forward, not making eye contact with anyone. Silence gripped the table until she spoke again. “Alright, back to happier topics, shall we? It’s Wilma’s night! Wil, dear, what would you like to do to celebrate tonight?”

Wilma waved her hands in front of her. “Nothing, really. Honestly, a dinner is enough. Just having everyone together is nice.”

“We should go out!” Lock shouted.

Jo rolled their eyes. “Wil would hate that.”

“We should stay in!” he said with the same enthusiasm. “Seriously, what would be fun?”

Wilma shrugged. “Doing nothing is fine. I don’t much like being the center of attention.”

“Then let’s make something together,” Jo suggested.

Wilma’s smile broadened, fondness in her gaze as she looked around the table at her pack. “We could maybe do something with clay? I have more than enough left over.”

The pack took off in another round of too-loud, overlapping conversations. The remnants of dinner were forgotten as they formed plans. The noise followed the pack out of the dining room as they left to go celebrate Wil, leaving just Sera and Parisa back at the table.

“At least they remembered to grab their dishes first.” Sera leaned back against her chair.

“I’d expect nothing less from our pack.” Parisa waited until she had Sera’s attention to continue. “They carry our name well. All of them.” She stood. “Everyone does their part to put the pack before all else and it shows. No matter what, the pack comes first.”

“Of course it does.”

Parisa stared off in the distance and continued to have a conversation with herself. “If one of us wasn’t here or at our best, if someone was missing, the others would pick up the slack and the pack would carry on.”

“We could never carry on seamlessly if someone was missing. Every single one of us matters.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Sera flinched.

“I mean that no matter what happens, this pack will endure.” With that, Parisa walked out of the room.

Sera stared at her empty plate. What was Parisa talking about? Were they not all essential to this pack, this family? Who wasn’t at their best?

Herself. Sera had no idea what her best was. She tried, but there were more times than not where Wilma stepped in to do something Sera had forgotten or Parisa had to remind her to do one of her tasks. She handled a lot but she always felt like she could be good at one of three things: she could be a good friend to Parisa, she could run the business well, or she could be a big sister to the pack, but never all three at once. If she got too friendly with the pack, the Beta and business side of her suffered. If she spent all her time at the bakery, her relationships suffered. It was a game, and not one she ever felt like she was winning.

Sera huffed out a laugh alone in the big room. She was vain, too, for thinking Parisa meant her when it could have been anything. She wasn’t on Parisa’s mind twenty-four hours a day and she’d do well to remember that.

six

Sera stopped short before she reached Parisa’s office. Her Alpha wasn’t alone. She held a tiny bouquet of freshly-clipped pansies in her hand and rapped her knuckles on the door.

Wilma was already there. Of course their new Gamma would be a part of their afternoon meeting but she couldn’t shake the sense that her entire day was thrown off now.

Sera opened the door and sat down in a different chair because Wilma was in hers. Parisa had her planner and notebooks out on her desk. Wilma had a binder with bright, colorful tabs that was way more organized than Sera’s red binder full of messy receipts and requests.

Her Alpha paused, noticing the pansies Sera had placed on her desk.

“What sweet, precious things,” Parisa said, placing them in a small vase. Their stems were barely long enough to reach the water line. “This tangerine color is divine. It makes me want to go change into that orange dress I have. That’d certainly turn some heads in the bakery.”

Sera kept glancing between Wilma and Parisa, wondering how she was supposed to act now. When it was just her and Parisa, it was okay to act relaxed around one another, but now she felt like she was on a stage.

“You always turn heads in the bakery without trying,” Sera joked, but she felt the tips of her ears getting red, and she couldn’t seem to get comfortable in this chair.

“I do turn heads with the stern, silent stares that make everyone feel unsettled. Yes, I’d agree with that.” Parisa chuckled. “I provide excellent sweets and treats and subpar customer service.”

Sera caught Wilma’s gaze and the new Gamma dipped her head in a quick nod of respect. Sera toyed with the peeling edge of her binder.

“We were just going over a few bakery needs,” Parisa explained. “Don’t worry. There’s still lots to attend to.”

Wilma perked up at that, tapping her pen on her open binder. “We should dive into the bakery schedule. There’s been a lot of shift trading lately and I looked at who switched when and looked for a pattern. I have a few theories.”

“Couldn’t we just ask them?” Sera asked.

“I hadn’t thought of that, honestly. But this is easier and gets around conversations where you might not get direct responses.”

It was a very Wilma approach. “Let’s hear what you figured out.”

As the meeting stretched on far longer than usual, there were plenty of times when Parisa and Wilma were speaking and Sera felt as though she could leave the room and it wouldn't matter.

Wilma and Parisa approached things similarly. They followed one another’s thinking without needing much explanation. With the pack growing, Parisa needed someone more like herself to help run the pack, someone who had their own life together.

Sera was so much more in control as the wolf. She was stronger, more focused, more tenacious. When she was the wolf, Sera felt like her mind and body were connected in a way she could never achieve as a human. She was present. The past didn’t haunt her.

The cardboard inside her binder bent and Sera realized how tightly she had been clutching it.

As they stood to leave, Parisa asked, “Where’s the color today, azizam?”

Sera looked down at her comfortable, drab outfit. She grabbed the hem of her vest and flipped up the edges. “There. The lining is blue.”

Parisa clicked her tongue and shook her head. “It doesn’t count if it’s hidden.”

Sera opened her mouth to retort but caught Wilma watching the exchange. Something that was routine was now much too vulnerable and Parisa’s playful disapproval stung more than it made her laugh. She forced out a smile. “If it’s cold enough I’ll wear some bright gloves.”

Parisa’s grin vanished. She stood up straighter, smoothing down the front of her skirt. “Thank you both. Don’t want to keep you longer than I must.” She nodded in Wilma’s direction and the Gamma took her cue to leave.

“Oh, and Sera,” Parisa called after her as she also turned to leave.

Sera looked back over her shoulder to see Parisa chewing her lip as she chose her words.

“Nevermind.” Parisa waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll save it for later. Tea and coffee by the fire tonight?”

Sera relaxed her shoulders and smiled. At least that was the same. “Looking forward to it.”

In the predawn darkness, Sera prepared coffee and a fresh pot of tea and waited for Parisa to come home. She read the same page in her book over and over, unable to focus on anything until she sensed her Alpha was near.

“Welcome home,” she shouted towards the front door.

No reply came. Instead, Parisa emerged from the hallway looking worn. She slumped into her chair and closed her eyes.

“Is everything alright?” Sera asked.

“No. Yes.” Parisa said sharply then broke out into a strangled laugh. “It is what it is.”

“What’s wrong?” Sera asked, hoping she’d finally learn.

Parisa blinked her eyes back open. “Nothing.” She reached for the cup of tea Sera had placed beside her chair and stared down into it without saying a word. Silence stretched on for ages until Parisa sniffled once and looked up again, eyes watery.

Sera froze. Parisa never cried.

“We should start training again,” Parisa said. “I’ve let myself get weak.” She glanced down at her tea. “I think we all have.”

“There’s a lot of ways to be strong,” Sera said.

“Have you finished the book you borrowed from Edgar?” Parisa asked.

Sera got whiplash from the swift change in mood and topic. “Yes. Diah has it now,” she said, still processing what Parisa said before. “He’s got me reading another one now.” She reached for the book beside her and showed it to her.

“Another good one. I think I devoured that book in a couple of days.” Parisa’s voice and posture was stiff, but she was trying to smile. “Want to tell me about where you are in it?”

Sera longed for an easy conversation, for this fireside chat to feel like the hundreds that had come before, so if she had to work for it, she would. “I was shocked at the, uh, level of heat it had in the beginning.” She joked with a forced laugh.

Parisa made an attempt at a playful grin. “When it comes to books, Edgar knows best.”

“Sometimes I need a little more story.”

“And sometimes I need an escape,” Parisa said, tone heavy with what was left unsaid.

Sera reached forward and settled her hand on Parisa’s knee, looking up to meet her gaze. “Pari, I — I don’t know what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me, but please don’t shut me out. I’m your Beta, but I’m also your friend. If you need anything —”

“This. This is what I need,” Parisa replied, placing her hand on top of Sera’s and slowly rubbing her thumb along the back of her hand. “I need a cup of tea. I need a warm fire. And I need you, azizam. That’s enough for me.”

Sera’s heart fluttered at her honesty. She flipped her palm up and curled her fingers around Parisa’s hand, smiling. No matter what else was happening, if she could deliver Parisa some flowers in the afternoon and end their nights together in the living room, then everything was okay. “This is all I ever need, too.”

seven

“Hugh, I have had a breakthrough!” Sera announced. Pushing her second empty coffee cup to the side, she presented her stack of proof from the bookstore. “I’m going to be less of a mess and way more amazing.”

Earlier that day, she’d stopped by the fairy-owned bookstore downtown and gotten a baking book marketed towards beginners to help her take action, actually do something about how she felt about the whole Gamma situation and about not being a good enough Beta. She’d also walked out with a new novel with a spicy cover to share with Edgar. She couldn’t leave without a treat.

“My dear, you’re already magnificent.”

“But I can be better.” She splayed her fingers across her new baking book, cover shining with promise.

“And that all starts with baking somehow?”

“We do run a bakery, Hugh.”

He took a sip of his espresso. “This doesn’t have anything to do with your new Gamma, does it?”

“Of course it does! I’m insecure and petty even when I adore the other person. Wil’s incredible and I am going to reach peak Seraphine and be amazing, too.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short.”

“How? I forget things all the time. Important things! I ruin everything I attempt to bake.”

“That’s all part of your charm.”

Sera gave him a deadpan stare. “Is it charming to be incompetent?”

“You’re charming when you’re you. And you’re not incompetent. Faults make us who we are.”

“And what if I want this Seraphine to be a better Seraphine?”

“I would say she’s already the best one.”

“I’ve been enjoying my lengthened life for decades now. A little change is to be expected.”

“Yes, but I would hope it would be theatrical and fun, maybe a bit salacious, not —” He gestured towards Sera’s book. “So wholesome.”

“I’m plenty dramatic,” she defended, laughing.

Hugh leaned back in his chair, his arm draped over the back of it. “You could stand to loosen up a little.”

“Says the man in a suit.”

“Says the woman who’s been in her exact same routines for at least two decades now.”

Sera opened her mouth to retort but found she had nothing. Hugh was right. When life stretched out in front of her without an ever-present threat of ending too soon, she tended to let the years pass by without thinking too much of them.

“Do you remember when we used to go out? Not just for coffee?” he asked.

Sera groaned. “Dancing? In front of people? Yeah, that’s too tiring now.”

“You’re much too young to be so old.”

“I like our coffee dates and our trips to the theater.”

“As do I. Just merely making a point that maybe, if you had to change something about your perfect little self, it’d be something daring.”

Sera pointed to her face. “Daring can wait for after I get the rest of all this put back together.”

Hugh smiled, a gleam in his eyes. “Maybe do something fun with that Alpha of yours.”

“We already go to dinner and get drinks together every now and then.”

“Oh, mon lou lou, you know I meant something far more exciting.”

“Never going to happen.”

“I shall eagerly but patiently await the moment you change your mind.”

“What about you?” Sera deflected, shifting in her seat. “Do you try to change anything about yourself every few years?”

“Why mess with perfection? But honestly, yes I do. Or I try to. Don’t you remember those few years when I tried to dress more casually?” He said the last word while making a face, voice thick with disdain. “I like staying the same, but Clemente and I are good for one another in that regard. We’re both very stuck in our ways, but we get annoyed with the other’s stubbornness so we can point out areas for improvement.”

“And how does Lord Clemente think the perfect Hugh needs to improve?”

“He says I need to loosen up, too.”

“You?” Sera feigned a gasp. “Never.”

“That’s what I said. But by vampire standards, I suppose, I am a tad less adventurous.”

“Maybe that’s why we get along so well.”

“Maybe it is.”

Sera held up her new book. “But all that adventure can wait until after I learn how to bake.”

Sera walked out of the coffee shop feeling like she could actually be the competent Beta Parisa deserved. She decided all this positivity deserved more treats, so she headed towards the faun-run chocolate shop a few stores down.

It often had a line outside, but luckily for her, it wasn’t too busy and she strolled in ready to walk out with treats she’d hide in her room so no one else would eat them and Parisa wouldn't know about all her indulgences ahead of the full moon.

She scanned the chocolates behind the glass until she spotted Jo bent over, picking out more flavors than Sera would dare to in one visit. She considered walking right back out, but before she could turn, Jo turned around.

Their eyes opened wider as they recognized her. “Oh, hi Beta.”

Sera waited for the rest of Jo’s excitable rambling and, when it didn’t come, she waved. “Hey there. Picking out some treats?”

Jo nodded, taking the bag of chocolates they’d picked out from the person behind the counter. “Felt like I could use a pick-me-up.”

Sera searched Jo’s features for a sign of what might be making them less animated than usual. “Me, too. Sometimes we all deserve a little something.” She smiled, expecting one of Jo’s bright grins in return, but Jo just nodded again.

“Alright, well, I’m heading back to the house, so —”

They weren’t acting like themselves. Sera had her own feelings to protect and didn’t want to be in their company for long, but Jo needed someone. “Want to walk back together?”

Jo took a beat to respond. “Sure. I’ll go wait outside until you’re done.”

Sera watched them walk out of the store, then turned her attention back to the chocolates behind the glass. She took her time picking out some of her favorites, including some seasonal maple bonbons, and purposefully struck up a conversation with the cashier, glancing out the window to see if Jo was still there. She regretted her offer to walk home together.

She fought the wave of memories that threatened to overtake her and was left with shaky hands, a quickened heartbeat, but only flashes of faces she didn’t want to see in that moment. Before she stepped out, she popped a mint chocolate into her mouth as a way to bolster her spirits before talking to Jo. It didn’t do much, but it did taste amazing as it melted on her tongue.

“You ready to go?”

Jo nodded. They had chocolate at the corner of their mouth.

The sight tugged at the lock Sera kept on her more vivid memories, but she started talking to distract herself. “It’s warmer today.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice.”

They fell in step together on the sidewalk, dodging tourists who were likely in Hickorywood for all the hiking and breweries.

“Not as chilly as yesterday. Though I kind of like when I need a coat and a scarf. Makes me feel cozy.”

Jo ate another chocolate, but walked along in silence.

Sera waited before asking, “Hey, is everything alright?”

Jo shrugged. “I get like this sometimes. It’s fine.”

“What do you mean? Did something happen?”

They glanced over at Sera. “Nothing happened. This is just how my brain works. Or doesn’t work, I guess. My meds do a pretty good job of managing everything, but they don’t, like, magically take all the bad parts away.”

Sera realized how little she knew about Jo. In trying to avoid them, she’d neglected to learn about the newest member of their family. Guilt settled in alongside the hurt in her chest. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It is what it is.” Jo smiled, a weak, small thing. They raised their bag. “Chocolate helps. It doesn’t actually, but for the brief moments I’m ingesting way too much chocolate, I do feel a little better.”

“Does it happen a lot?”

“It comes and goes. Sometimes it’s not so bad, but this episode is really hitting hard. It’s weird ‘cause so far only Wilma has seen me like this. I tend to hide when I feel bad so people don’t see, but I guess now you’re seeing all this mess.” Jo scrunched up their face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be! We’re a pack, right?” Sera consoled, knowing she hadn’t been the best Beta for Jo lately.

As she thought of her current family, memories slipped free and she tried to remain in the present and not travel back in time to a warm, happy kitchen that made her heart ache.

“And I don’t mind your mess because I’m a mess, too,” Sera continued, puffing out a laugh to cover up what was happening inside. “That’s what packs do. We share everything, the good and the bad.”

“I needed that reminder. Thanks.” Jo smiled, brighter this time.

Sera saw the face of her younger brother, his smile so wide his eyes crinkled in the corners. Waves crashed behind him and he started to run away from her, looking back to make sure she followed.

“You remind me of someone,” she said each word slowly, as though speaking it out loud would break the wall between her past and her present.

“Someone good, I hope.”

“Someone very good.”

Sera fell silent as they approached the bakery.

Jo was speaking, but she was miles away, somewhere in a town she’d forgotten seeing faces she couldn’t keep locked away no matter how hard she tried.

“Beta?”

Sera’s vision tunneled as she came back into herself. “Sorry, my mind was wandering.”

Jo cracked a grin. “I get that. Thanks for walking with me. I feel a little less like a pile of burning garbage.” They laughed and gestured towards Violet Moon as they got closer. “I’m going to go say hey to Wil. You want to come?”

“Sure,” she replied, welcoming the distraction. “I’d like that. I wanted to ask her about the new piece I saw in the bakery today. It’s gorgeous.”

Talking to her pack wasn’t a distraction. It was a tether. Being around the other members of her pack family was what kept her grounded. Even with Jo around, that connection was what she needed more than anything.

She opened her bag and popped another chocolate into her mouth.

She was going to learn to bake. She was going to be a better Beta. Getting to know Jo was going to have to be a part of that, but Sera decided she could take as much time as she needed.

eight

Starting that afternoon, Seraphine was going to be a top-notch, modern Beta. She was going to wake up early enough to take care of her plants without rushing and make coffee for the pack on her way to the greenhouse. She’d have plenty of time to pick flowers for Parisa. She was also ready to tell Emmaline she was ready to take her up on her offer to learn how to bake.

With her new baking book and red binder in hand, she strolled through the hallways of the pack house with a bounce in her step, passing Benny helping Olive study for an exam in the living room. The sight made her happy, but it also picked at her heart in a way that stung and she wasn’t going to let anything slow her down.

In the kitchen she made a new pot of coffee before pouring a cup for herself and heading to the greenhouse to carefully pick out a small bouquet of autumn mums for Parisa. Content with how they looked tied up with some silver ribbon from the bakery, she headed for Parisa’s office and knocked on the door.

“Ready for me?”

“Always,” Parisa replied.

Sera walked in with a smile, presenting the flowers.

Parisa held them close to her face for a long moment, looking at the little blooms intently before she finally put them away. “They look perfect. Thank you.”

Sera felt her cheeks warm. They hadn’t been able to chat as often by the fireplace lately, so Sera wanted to talk as much as she could about anything other than pack business before Wilma arrived. She landed on the first thing she could think of. “Hugh tells me a new family of cat-shifters recently moved here. Bobcats, he thinks.”

“Are they attached to any groups?”

“They came here on their own from the sound of it.”

“I hope they find a community here.”

“We’re a welcoming bunch in Hickorywood.”

“Some of us anyway.” Parisa said. Her shoulders tightened as she sat forward and tented her fingers. “There’s always a few bad eggs who seek to ruin things unnecessarily.”

Sera hated the change in tone, but thought she might be close to finding out what had been bothering Parisa for so long. She drummed her fingers on her leg but tried to calm her heartbeat before Parisa noticed. “Has there been anything like that recently?”

“It’s always something.” Her gaze drifted back to the mums. A smile flickered across her face before it faded. She turned to Sera. “But nothing a little brightness can’t fix. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For doing this every day. I need it more than you’d believe.” She paused. “What’s that under your arm?”

Sera had forgotten she was carrying the book. “I’m going to learn to bake,” she said, feeling self-conscious. “Finally. That way I can help out more than I can now.”

“Azizam, you do more than you give yourself credit for, but if you want to learn how to bake, I’d never stop you. It’s one of my greatest joys. I’d love to share it with you, too.”

“Maybe one day I’ll work up to helping you out with your bread.”

“I don’t usually like anyone around me when I bake, but for you, I’d make an exception.”

“A Beta exception?”

Parisa grinned. “Something like that.”

Wilma walked into the room and stopped short of the chairs, glancing between the two of them. She hung around in the doorway like she had stumbled across something she wasn’t meant to see, but Parisa welcomed her in and she took her seat.

As their afternoon meeting began, Sera was ready to take notes and crush this whole being a better Beta thing.

“The most important thing for us to get through today is full moon preparations,” Parisa announced towards the end of their time. “Seraphine, do you have a preference between assisting me with bakery affairs or house affairs before we go?”

Sera gave her a puzzled look. “Typically both are within my role.”

“With Wilma here, I thought it was a good opportunity to take a few things off your plate.”

“Of course. I’m happy to share.” Having less to worry about as her emotions and wolfish tendencies flared before the full moon would be fantastic, but that silly part of her that she couldn’t silence felt as though Parisa must be disappointed with how Sera had handled things in the past. “Which would you prefer?”

Wilma considered it for a moment. “I’m still picking up more tasks at the bakery, so maybe it’d be best for me to help out at home.”

Parisa clapped her hands. “Then it’s decided. This is exactly what I was hoping for when I brought the three of us together like this. A pack in perfect harmony. A pack ready for anything.”

“Emmaline!” Sera flung open the back door to the bakery. “I’m ready to bake!”

“Now?” Emmaline replied with a chuckle.

“Well, no, not right now. I have work to do. But in general. I’m ready to try again.”

“Glad to hear it. We could always use another set of helping hands around here. And who knows? You might have a specialty like Parisa’s bread somewhere inside of you.”

“I highly doubt that, but thank you.” Sera rounded a counter and presented her book. “The recipes seemed easy enough. Any suggestions on where I should start?”

“I’d thumb through the pages myself, but I’ve got —” She held up sticky, dough-covered fingers before getting back to work. “Cookies are very forgiving.”

Sera flipped through the beginning of the book. “There’s a whole cookie section.”

“See? A great place to start, then. No matter how they come out, it’s easy to say you intended for them to be that way. Over-baked? You wanted them to hold up to milk. Under-baked? You wanted them to be soft and chewy.”

“I like it. And it’d be nice to move beyond the pre-made dough I buy and still manage to mess up from the store.”

“Do you want some help learning? My offer still stands.”

“I don’t want to bother you.”

Emmaline raised an eyebrow and leveled her stare at Sera. “My offer still stands.”

Sera puffed out a laugh. “Fine. I’d gladly welcome the help. Just not tonight. Tonight’s my night out with Parisa.” A shiver of anticipation rolled through her. It felt like ages since the last time they’d got to be around each other without talking about pack business for longer than a cup of tea by the fire.

“Y’all should really do that more than once a month or so. Lord knows Parisa needs it. And you, too, for that matter.”

“Pack business comes before Alpha and Beta bonding.”

“Your Alpha and Beta bond is the foundation of this pack. It deserves to be more of a priority.”

Downtown Hickorywood smelled like forests, patchouli, and hops. It was filled with hippies and werewolves, hipsters and vampires, and a little of everyone else. It was once a small mountain town with a different name, but the people there had dreams of becoming something bigger, so they renamed it Hickorywood — the Hollywood of the mountains. Over time it grew into a thriving small city with a booming arts scene, artisan shops, and more breweries than anyone could ever need.

Sera stepped into her favorite restaurant and searched for Parisa. She found her at their usual table in a deep navy dress with a matching bow at the collar and a subtle polka dot pattern in the full skirt, sipping a glass of red wine.

Parisa spotted her and raised her wine glass as she approached. “To Alpha and Beta bonding.”

Sera took her seat and reached for the glass that had already been poured for her. “To bonding.”

Parisa took a sip, then held it up again in a mock toast. “To talking about something other than pack business for a little while.”

Sera feigned surprise. “Wait. I wasn’t ready for that. You mean I had to prepare topics besides bakery schedules and the way the washing machine is acting up again?”

“There’s always catching up on the latest gossip. What’s Hugh heard recently?”

Sera sat down her glass and leaned forward, a gleeful smirk on her face. “So, you know that older vampire that’s not part of their coven? Well, you already know about how he and Clemente have butted heads for who knows how long, but do you know where that all started?”

“No, but I have a feeling you do.”

“Oh and it’s good. It’s got everything.” She tapped a finger for each point. “Past relationship. Broken promises. Feuds. Secret meetings of the salacious variety. Fights over prime real estate downtown. I probably shouldn’t have ended on that last one. It’s the least interesting.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Prime real estate is worth more than a secret, lustful affair with an enemy.” She shrugged with a grin. “And I always suspected something between them.”

“Really? I would have never. Hugh acted like I was silly for not seeing it either.”

“They’re so clearly attracted to one another. It’s why they’re at each other’s throats so much.” She puffed out a laugh. “The whole ‘I want you but you’re the actual worst’ feeling.’”

“I could never deal with all the drama.”

“Yet you thrive on the chaos in the house.”

Sera waved a finger. “Nope. No pack talk. You said it yourself. And we were doing such a good job!”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Parisa waved a hand in acknowledgement. “Now tell me about this drama you claim to want to avoid yet soak up with such hunger.”

“I want to hear about it. I don’t want to be in it. And Hugh is so good at it.”

“Collecting gossip?”

“Being an observer. The man sees everything!”

“You live as long as him, you’d be a fine study of human and supernatural behavior, too.”

“So how good are your skills, then?”

Parisa splayed her hand across her chest in mock offense. “I am a spry young thing. How dare you insinuate I’m as old as time like those vampires.”

“Hugh’s not that old.”

“And I’m even younger than him.”

“By how much exactly?”

Parisa tapped the table with her fingertip while a smile played at the corner of her lips. “You know, I used to keep that information from everyone on purpose and now I’ve simply forgotten.”

“Oh come on, Pari. I feel like a detective trying to piece together clues stretched out across years and years.”

“And what have you inferred?”

“I don’t want to say it because I’m probably wrong.”

Parisa picked up her glass, a smug expression on her face. “I won’t show any indication either way. I’m simply curious.”

Sera shifted in her seat. “Now I feel put on the spot.”

“Of everyone, you’d probably be the closest. You know me best”

“A thousand years old.”

Parisa blinked. “Is that a real guess?”

Sera shrugged.

“I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not.”

Sera shrugged again but couldn’t hide the grin in the corner of her mouth.

Parisa sighed, rolling her eyes. “Tell me the juicy bits about those two instead.”

Grateful for the change in topic, Sera took another sip of wine before beginning, “It all began in Rome.”

Sera felt light on her feet as they fell in step together. They didn’t have to discuss where they were going. Both of them knew instinctively once they stepped out onto the sidewalk. They wound their way through tourists gawking in shop windows and locals standing in lines outside restaurants and bars.

They approached a nondescript green door and knocked three times. The door whipped open, revealing a somewhat bored-looking university student.

“Do you have your cards?” Realization dawned on his face. “Oh! Sorry. It’s you two. Come on in.” He stepped aside so they could enter the top floor of the bar.

The top floor of the bar was street-level. The bottom floor dug down into the lake it sat beside. It was a popular spot for merpeople because they didn’t have to “leg it” just to come on shore for a drink or two. Inside it was dim, even for a werewolf’s eyes. The place was decorated like a flea market, a taxidermy shop, and an apothecary exploded onto the floor, ceiling, and walls. It was a fantastic mess. Sera loved it.

They walked up to the bar to order, scanning the list of seasonal drinks but it was a foregone conclusion that Parisa would get the same thing she always did and Sera would leave it up to the knowledgeable bartender who ran the place.

“What do you have for me tonight, Jaime?”

The woman behind the counter flashed a toothy grin. “It’s been a while. I’ve seen more of your younger ones than you two lately. That Jo is a hoot. Had to make a new drink and everything because they wanted something spicy? I don’t know. Weird but fun.”

“What’d you make for them?” Sera asked, leaning on the bar.

“I started with a drink that used cayenne pepper, but that wasn’t enough. So I ended up doing a quick infusion with habanero and a bit of warm booze to serve up something with some habanero vodka, mango, and a whole mess of ginger.”

“Sounds good?” Sera replied, unsure.

“I hated it.” Jaime laughed, her chest puffing out with every deep, rumbling chuckle from her body. For a human, she was built very much like the ideal wolf. “So I won’t be making that for you tonight, but I do have some local cherry liqueur that I want to try out on you in a new cocktail I’ve been thinking up tonight.” She turned to Parisa. “And for you, Miss Alpha? The usual?”

“An Old Fashioned because that’s what I am,” Parisa responded.

“And you stick with it for decades, undeterred by anything else that swings past your view. I respect that.”

They chatted with Jaime as she made their drinks, then they claimed a spot on a worn sofa sandwiched in between a grandfather clock and a potted tree covered in fake crows. Even with her wolf’s senses, the dim light and the constant conversation around them made her lean forward so she could see and hear Parisa better. The closer she got, though, the more her heartbeat rang louder in her ears. She watched Parisa’s lips and belatedly realized Parisa was asking her a question.

“Sorry,” she apologized, tearing her eyes away from Parisa’s face to stare at a taxidermied bird on the wall. “Lost in my own world for a second there.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“It’s nothing really. I’m just tired.” Her heart was still racing. Surely Parisa had noticed.

“These pre-full moon days take their toll on me, too, even after all these years. With all the growing strength, there’s aches and pains that I don’t remember having a decade ago.” Parisa laughed.

Parisa looked so soft when she laughed. Her dark brown hair cascaded down her face, framing her round cheeks and bright smile. Sera hadn’t seen that smile as often lately. She’d missed it. Warmth flooded her chest and she took a sip of her drink because suddenly words were hard to find.

“Have you moved on to another book from Edgar’s library?”

Sera nodded.

“What’s it about?”

“It’s science fiction, so not usually my thing, but it follows this human captain of a starship as he, well — it’s about exploration and the marks we leave on worlds whether we intend to or not.”

Parisa’s eyes lit up as she pointed across the table excitedly. “I read that one! How far are you? I don’t want to spoil anything.”

“When do you have time to read?”

“We both know I’m a terrible sleeper.”

“I’m nearly finished. Maybe about a third of the book left.”

Parisa set down her wine glass and clapped her hands together. “You’re deep into the relationship by now, then, right? They’ve gotten together, the uh, the what’s his name, the captain and the chief medical officer?”

Sera felt her face warming. “They’re not together yet, but there’s been some —” She trailed off.

“It wouldn't be an Edgar book without some spice.” She leaned in towards Sera. “Nice to have a little heat on these chilly nights, right, azizam?”

Sera choked on air, unsure why she was running so warm. Surely the drink wasn’t that strong. “What’s that mean, anyway? Azizam? You say it all the time around me but I haven’t heard you call anyone else that.”

Parisa chewed on her lip, hands knotted together in her lap. “It’s just a little nickname.”

“But what does it mean?”

“But that’s half the fun of using another language — no one else knows what you’re saying.”

“Pari, come on. Tell me, please?”

Parisa’s cheeks were turning a rosy hue, visible even in the dim lighting. She poked Sera in the arm. “It means you’re special to me.” She poked her again. “Happy now?”

Sera grinned. “The happiest.” Her own cheeks flushed with warmth.

They stared at one another, neither moving or saying a word. The silence stirred up butterflies in Sera’s stomach and she longed to break it.

“So have you heard anything else from Alpha Clyde recently about their current situation?” The levity drained from Parisa’s face. Sera’s heart sank.

“Nothing new,” Parisa replied, tone sharp and leaving no room for further discussion as she sat back, away from Sera. When she spoke again, though her friendly tone had returned, the lightness of her words didn’t quite reach her eyes. “What else is new in the gaudy vampire house across the street?”

She’d do anything to have some of the brightness return to Parisa’s features. “Have I told you much about the coven’s newest vampire?”

“You’ve mentioned him once or twice.”

“Eugene is a lot like our Jo. Bright and bubbly. Charming to a dangerous degree. But he talks constantly and buzzes around Hugh, allegedly, like an overeager bumblebee.”

Sera relaxed as Parisa did. The mysterious tension in the air, whatever that was, wasn’t thick enough to cut with a knife anymore.

“I get why. Of everyone there, Hugh’s the least — how can I put it — vampirey.” Parisa pantomimed throwing a scarf over her shoulder and showing off the many imaginary jewels on her fingers.

“Oh stop now. They’re not all like that.”

“Clemente is. And so is every vampire he collected before the turn of this century.”

Sera suppressed a giggle. “He likes tastemakers.”

“That’s one way of putting it. Either way, glad the new one is taking after Hugh. There’s a couple of other good eggs in that nest to be sure, but the more vampires we can get like your friend, the better. So what’s the issue? From the way you said ‘buzzing’ I’m getting a hint of a deeper story.”

Sera threw her hands up. “You know I can’t tell you everything because Hugh and I promise to keep some of our secrets, but suffice to say, Hugh hates all the attention and yet he’s reveling in it, too. I can tell. I think he’s found something special about this new one.” She let her expression say what she didn’t want to voice. “He can read me like a book, sure, but it works both ways.”

“Is that how it works for us, too?”

“Hm?”

Parisa leaned in towards her. “Can you read me like a book, azizam?”

She felt herself growing warm again and took a sip of her drink so she didn’t have to answer, but it went down the wrong way and she ended up sputtering into her glass, little droplets landing on her nose on cheeks.

Parisa suppressed a laugh and patted Sera on the back.

Sera righted herself, and they started talking again, but Parisa’s hand lingered at her back for far longer than any mild choking could account for. Sera’s gaze kept drifting to the large, ornate mirror hung on the wall opposite them. Her Alpha was finally relaxed again with a drink in her hand and a more comfortable, less forced smile on her face.

Parisa was talking and she knew she should be listening, but Sera kept staring in the mirror. They fit together. Parisa’s legs were turned in towards hers, their knees bumping together whenever she shifted in her seat. If she could sit here with Parisa, could belong next to Parisa, then surely both of them would be okay, no matter what was going on.

“So there we were, completely covered in batter. It all reeked, by the way. Baking soda seems innocuous until there’s way too much of it and dough saturated with it is smeared across your face.”

Sera shook herself back into the present. “You’ve never told me this.” She chuckled, coming back to the conversation, but she kept stealing glances at the mirror. “Who knew you and Emmaline got up to such mischief?”

“Apparently when you’re gone and I’m left to my own devices, I go a bit batty.”

“I’m never gone more than a week.”

“When the Beta’s away, the Alpha will pl — nearly burn down the kitchen. I think I need you to help keep my head on straight.”

Sera watched in the mirror as Parisa shifted closer, her eyes trained on Sera’s skin in a way that made it tingle. Her pulse quickened and she gripped the glass in her hand harder. “I highly doubt that’s the case. You’ve been a pack Alpha for longer than I’ve been in that pack. You always have it together.”

“Seem to.” Parisa pointed with her glass before she took a big swig from her drink. “I seem to have it together.”

Sera turned towards her, a hint of concern etched in her features. This was far too open and honest for Parisa, even with the joking tone.

Parisa had her head propped up on her hand, and her other arm rested on the back of the sofa. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m all over the place as much as anyone.”

“No, you’re not!” Sera’s volume surprised her. She scooted back towards the faded fabric arm of the sofa to face Parisa fully. “Please don’t talk about yourself that way. It’s based on nothing.”

“I think that’s the most formal way anyone’s ever told me I'm full of it. You included.”

“I’m just surprised. You don’t normally say things like that.”

“Must be my age creeping up on me. I’m getting soft.”

The way she said it with a bite in her tone didn’t sit right with Sera. “Is that a bad thing?”

“For an Alpha? Absolutely. Without a doubt. It’s a terrible thing to go soft.”

“There’s more than one way to lead. When we talk like this, you’re way more relaxed, but with the pack you are, while still every bit as wonderful, maybe a bit —” She let her voice trail off.

Parisa finished the thought, “Authoritative? Dominant? Intimidating? Yes, that’s all on purpose.”

“Have you ever considered letting them see this side?”

“Never.”

“Why?”

“You should know better, Seraphine, honestly.”

At the sound of her full name, Sera knew she’d stepped on a minefield. She felt Parisa’s Alpha walls being rebuilt at an alarming rate.

“There are few spaces where I can let my guard down. So few. Perhaps only here, with you, in this tiny bit of time between when we sleep and rise to another busy schedule. I try to allow myself this one outlet, but sometimes I think this is wrong, too.”

“What do you mean?” Sera’s chest tightened.

“Alphas and Betas are partners, yes, but there is a hierarchy that must be maintained. Perhaps I’ve let the line blur too much. I don’t act this way with Wilma, after all. Only you.” Parisa glanced away, fingers curled tightly around her glass. “And Clyde doesn’t act this way with Gabriel.”

Sera felt the chasm between them widening even further and wished desperately that she hadn’t opened her mouth. “You deserve a chance to let loose once in a while.”

“Once in a while,” Parisa repeated. “Not every day. The pack watches us, you know. They see how we interact. I don’t try to hide anything because I thought there was nothing to hide, but it eats away at my authority.”

“How?” Sera sputtered, not believing what she was hearing. “What made you even think that?”

“It’s how they approach you, Seraphine. Approach me. Our pack speaks with me differently than, say, Clyde and his pack.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted? A pack that didn’t rest on outdated traditions?”

“Traditions matter! And so do rules. There are rules that are etched into our bones the moment we first transform.” Parisa raised her voice. “There are things we can control and there are things that are unchangeable, no matter how much we might want to change them.”

“What are you talking about?” Sera matched the ferocity in her tone.

“See! This is what I mean. I want you to feel able to approach me with things, but this? This questioning isn’t right. I am the Alpha of this pack. Period. By definition my word is law.”

“And that’s not been in question!”

“Hasn’t it been? I’m the one chipping away at it the most. I let my guard down. I ask for opinions and feedback. I sit here and rest with a drink in my hand while my strength fades and my weaknesses show.”

“This is weakness to you?”

Parisa sighed, shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry. I let my emotions take over. You’ve done nothing wrong. Our pack isn’t the only one who watches me. It’s the same as it’s always been. I show weakness. I look vulnerable. I give in to the things I want. Others see it as a chance to take what is mine.”

Sera’s stomach churned. “You’ve changed because the times have changed. We’re not out there fighting for our lives anymore. You wanted to build something that fit where we are now, how the world is now.”

“Is it really all that different? Because from where I am things look the same as they always have.”

Parisa was silent for a long moment. She kept parting her lips as if to speak and then turning away instead. Finally, she said, “Look at me, being such a wet blanket. I know it won’t rattle anything loose in my brain like I need it to, but I’m going to get another drink and when I come back I’m going to be good company again.”

She patted Sera on the knee as she stood.

Sera took a sip of her drink, watching her walk away. “You’re always good company.”

nine

Emmaline’s cottage was down a grassy path that led away from the house and towards the bakery. There was a sweetness in the air surrounding it. From the first moment Emmaline opened the door, any visitor would be met with the scent of fresh bread or other bakes — all the things Emmaline made for fun before or after her bakery shifts.

That day it was filled with the scent of baking choux pastry, a feat Sera would have never taken on herself.

“So, how do these compare with your last cookie batch?” Emmaline asked, looking over Sera’s first batch of choux buns.

“Well, the cookies were hard as hockey pucks, but softened in milk, so I’m calling them a win. These are —” She paused, picking up one and holding it up with a grimace. “Flat as paper, so I’m taking the loss here.”

Emmaline smiled softly. “Choux buns can be difficult! It’s why I picked it for today. I wanted you to have a challenge. And this is only the first batch. You have plenty more opportunities to shine.”

“Thanks.” Sera stared at her first “opportunity.” They weren’t even worth finishing. There was no way they were getting filling inside these and covering them in chocolate seemed like a waste. She flicked one with her finger. “Hey Emmaline. Have you noticed anything off about Parisa lately?”

“If anyone would know it’s you,” Emmaline replied. “But she has seemed more scattered in the bakery lately. And I don’t see much of her in the pack house. Why? What have you seen?”

“Sometimes she’s perfectly fine and other times I feel like I’ve poked an angry bear. It makes me wonder if the ‘fine’ times are actually her covering up something.”

“What would she be hiding?”

“I don’t know,” Sera said. “I guess she’s never really been an open book, has she?”

“No, not that one. She keeps things close to her chest. I think she thinks she does it to protect the pack, but I say she’s just like that. And that’s okay. We all handle things in our own way.”

“I just can’t shake this feeling that it’s something I should be worried about.”

“I’m sure she can handle it. And if she can’t, she’ll tell someone — tell you — when she needs help.”

“I guess.” The more she thought about it, the more she got a tight feeling in her stomach. “It reminds me of how Parisa used to be, decades ago. She was kind, but she was --”

“Unapproachable? Secretive? Untouchable? Times were different then. I know you don’t remember much of your early years with us, but she had to be that way. Every male Alpha in the area looked to challenge her.”

“To take control of the pack?”

“To take control of the tiny pack, sure. But, more importantly to them, to prove she wasn’t a real Alpha.”

“Assholes,” Sera muttered.

Emmaline chuckled. “You got that right.”

“You understand Parisa so well. You two were a pack long before I ever came around. You should have been Beta, not me.”

“Now where’s that coming from?”

Sera sighed. “Maybe Parisa wouldn't have to handle everything herself if you were her Beta.”

“She never asked me.”

Sera stared at Emmaline. “Wait. What?”

“She never asked me. I wouldn't have wanted it anyway, but she never asked me. Parisa picked you,” Emmaline said, emphasizing the final word. “With good reason, too. What you two have isn’t —” Someone knocked on the front door. Emmaline glanced at it before finishing her thought. “It isn’t something you can force. It happens naturally. You fit together well.” With a smile, Emmaline excused herself to get the door.

Sera turned back to her failed choux buns and started cleaning the mess to get ready for the next batch when a familiar voice made her tense.

“Oh sorry! I didn’t know Beta Seraphine was here, too.” Jo apologized from the living room. “I can come back another time.”

“Nonsense. You can join us,” Emmaline replied.

Jo tried to excuse themselves again, but Emmaline refused to take “no” as an answer.

Sera kept her back towards the opening to the living room as the two approached.

“Beta! What are you making? Are these for the bakery or just for fun? Are you really learning to bake? Because that’s so cool. You could make something special for Violet Moon! I’d love to see it.”

“Choux buns,” Sera replied, her body tense.

Jo slid in place next to her, peering at the flat buns. “These look a lot like when I first started, though mine were flat and soggy. Or had sunken middles. Or cracked tops. But it’s whatever. We can always get better, right?” Jo waited for a response and when it didn’t come, continued. “I usually come over here to complain about my family because Emmaline’s a good listener and my family is the literal worst.” Jo drummed their fingers on the counter. “Can I try some anyway?”

At the mention of family, Sera lost her grip on the present. Her skin felt itchy. Her vision got blurry as memories threatened to replace what she could see. “They’re not good enough to try,” she said, voice sounding far away to her own ears.

“Please,” Jo insisted.

Sera was no longer at Emmaline’s, but back in that seaside town with her brother looking up at her, begging in that gentle voice of his, his little hand sliding into her own so she could hold it as they crossed the street.

“I’ve got to go.” This isn’t how Sera wanted her day to go. She warred within herself because this was an opportunity to be a better Beta, to get to know Jo and deal with her past, but she wasn’t ready. It didn’t feel right. “I forgot I have somewhere I need to be.”

“Oh that’s too bad. I was hoping to get to bake with you,” Jo said.

“Yeah, too bad something so suddenly came up,” Emmaline said, arms crossed in front of her chest. She clearly wasn’t buying it.

Sera didn’t care. She needed out. She wiped her hands on a dishcloth and started towards the door in a daze. “I’m sorry. I’ll come back another time.”

Closing the front door behind her, Sera turned in the direction of the stable. After all that, she needed to change out of this skin and run as her wolf.

After Emmaline’s, Sera wanted a quiet night by the fire. She prepped everything for an evening chat, took her seat, and waited for Parisa to settle in beside her.

She didn’t have to wait long. Parisa walked into the room, eyes wild and hair unusually out of place.

“We should spar tonight.”

“You want to do what?” Sera sputtered, coffee flying out of her mouth.

“Spar,” Parisa repeated, “It’s not that odd of a request.”

Sera narrowed her eyes, searching Parisa’s face for some reason behind this sudden request. “Not odd, but it’s been a while.”

“Precisely why I thought it might be useful. If you’re not up for the task I can find someone else,” Parisa tapped her foot on the floor.

“No one else would be at my level,” Sera said, though she was still trying to figure out where this was coming from.

“Too bad no one’s at mine.” Parisa raised an eyebrow.

“We’ll see about that.” She stood, brushing cookie crumbs off her trousers. “I’m surprised because I can’t remember the last time we sparred.”

“And doesn’t that alarm you?”

“Not particularly. The world is different now.”

“The world may get dressed in different outfits over the ages, but it’s still the same at its core. I honestly don’t know why you’re fighting me on this.”

“I’m not.” Sera pulled a face, wondering why Parisa was so defensive.

Parisa huffed, crossing her arms. Sera’s skin felt warm under the intensity of her stare. “Then you will?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Finish your coffee and I’ll meet you in the woods.”

“Right now?”

Parisa threw back the rest of her tea and stood. “Yes, right now.” She left out the back door without another word.

Her Alpha was right where Sera knew she’d be. It’d been ages since they sparred but it wasn’t so long ago that she’d forgotten everything. The small clearing in the forest was more than enough space for two humans or two wolves to try and stand their ground.

With her back turned to Sera, Parisa began to strip. She unzipped the back of her dress and Sera covered her eyes when the soft fabric rolled off her shoulder.

“I take it we’re doing this as wolves, then?”

“God, yes. I need out of this skin,” Parisa said.

Sera grinned. That she could understand. Relaxing, she put her hand down, only to have it quickly snap back into place over her eyes. Parisa’s tan skin in the moonlight was a lot to take in. Heat rushed to her cheeks. Sera had seen Parisa naked before, but usually the rest of the pack was around, all of them preparing for the full moon run. She couldn’t recall the last time it was just the two of them like this.

Sera worked herself free of her clothing with her back turned to her Alpha. She heard rustling in the grass behind her and prayed Parisa wasn’t watching. Sera had let herself grow more docile over time. Perhaps that’s all Parisa saw now — a weak Beta. Sera finished undressing and dropped her clothes in a messy pile near a tree, eager to trade her human self for her wolf.

She sighed with relief as her bones cracked and took on a different form. She welcomed the pain of transformation, breathed in the night air, and begged the wolf to come faster. She needed to trade her weaker form for the one that made her feel strong and worthy of being at Parisa’s side.

She hit the ground with four feet and growled, loving the way the sound rumbled through her chest. Finally, she turned to face her Alpha.

Gorgeous in her thick, chestnut fur, Parisa stood along the edge of the clearing, teeth bared in a slanted, wolfish grin. She would never make the first move. Sera knew that. Her heart hammered in her chest. She was nervous but, more than anything, she’d missed this. If eating together outside of the house was its own sort of thrill, then this was something else entirely, and more wonderful than she remembered. A rush of power surged through her, making the fur on the back of her neck stand on end.

She circled the outer edge of the clearing.

Parisa did the same.

Sera feigned a jump like she was about to strike, but Parisa didn’t flinch. Her Alpha kept her eyes trained on her, large frame imposing and ready whenever Sera decided to make her move. Anticipation simmered in Sera’s stomach. She took one slow step, another, and another. She waited for her opening and, when it never came, she lunged anyway, growling with excitement.

Parisa was ready, her feet firm. At the last second, she dodged Sera’s attack, swiftly switching their positions. Sera had half a second to react before Parisa flipped her onto her side, shoved her down, and rolled her onto her back, pinning her to the forest floor. Parisa playfully bit into the scruff around her neck. Sera squirmed under her hold with a high-pitched whine. Parisa pulled away and loomed over her, tongue darting out to lick across razor sharp teeth. She backed off and gave Sera enough room to stand.

Sera had gotten rusty. It was time to remember what she could do even without the immense power of the full moon transformation. She stood firm and stared down her Alpha. Motionless, they both waited for the other to move first.

Parisa flicked her tail and Sera charged, mouth open and ready to grab fur between her teeth. She stopped short, feinted to the side, and lunged in a new direction, aiming to catch Parisa off guard. It didn’t happen. Her Alpha was ready for her, rearing up on her hind legs to come crashing down on Sera’s back. She shook Parisa off and dashed to the side, surging forward again. She tasted victory as her tongue passed over chestnut fur for a second before Parisa leapt away.

As she dove in again, Sera could feel her instincts taking over and her mind fading away. She knew it was next to impossible to land a strike on Parisa, but it didn’t keep her from trying. Her senses sharpened. She dodged more of Parisa’s attacks and got as far as scraping her teeth along her shoulder before Parisa sprinted past. When Parisa grabbed hold of her scruff or pinned her to the ground, she didn’t taste defeat. She’d look into Parisa’s eyes flashing in the darkness and feel joy and a sort of pride rushing through her veins.

She dodged too late and Parisa’s teeth sunk into the loose fur around her neck, one front leg across her back pushing her down towards the ground. Sera submitted, panting for breath, and waited for Parisa to back away so they could go again.

When it didn’t happen, she gave a grumble of warning. Parisa’s teeth pressed in harder. Sera growled and thrashed beneath her, trying to break free. Parisa let go just enough to let Sera think she’d been freed before Parisa knocked her prone and stood above her.

Parisa licked her teeth in the moonlight and pressed her paw into Sera’s chest. She lay there, staring up at her Alpha, unable to see anything but those teeth and amber eyes. Parisa leaned in closer until their panting breaths mingled in the scant space between them. Seconds stretched into minutes. Sera squirmed beneath Parisa’s grasp, but her Alpha held her there, eyes locked.

Parisa licked Sera’s nose then leapt backwards. Sera rushed to her feet. They stared at each other, neither moving until Parisa flicked her head towards her pile of clothing and ran off, leaving Sera stunned with a shiver running down her spine.

They shifted back and dressed in silence. Sera didn’t dare peek over her shoulder and she dressed faster than she ought to, ripping a few stitches along the way.

“Thank you,” Parisa said to Sera’s back.

Sera swallowed hard as she handled the last few buttons on her shirt. “Of course,” she replied, voice shaky.

“I’m going for a walk. Are you headed back to the house?”

Sera nodded.

“Sleep well, azizam,” Parisa said, tone soft.

Sera turned to look at her Alpha, dressed again in a somehow perfectly pristine, long-sleeved dress with a bright white collar. She smiled, chest blooming with warmth. “Sweet dreams, Pari.”

ten

“There’s no bread again today?” a customer asked, disappointed.

Sera shook her head. “Our bread maker couldn’t bake it today,” she replied, making it sound like Parisa was on some sort of impromptu vacation. In reality, Sera had no idea where Parisa was. She hadn’t seen much of her since the night they sparred. That night had been the last somewhat normal evening and Sera wished she had savored it more.

“But if you’re in the mood for something buttery and delicious, one of our extra-big, ‘wolf-sized’ croissants might hit the spot.”

Sera helped the front of the house staff get through another rush before retreating back into the office where a pile of everything that was slipping through the cracks with Parisa gone was waiting for her. She wouldn't have survived the past few days without Wilma.

It wasn’t like Parisa to disappear.

Worry weighed on Sera’s shoulders and she slumped, sighing and leaning back in her chair. She tipped her head back, staring at the ceiling. As Beta, she could help run the pack in her Alpha’s absence, but should she have been doing more?

Hours later, and several customer rushes behind her, Sera left the bakery and returned home, walking directly to Parisa’s office. She knocked, even though she knew she probably wasn’t there. “Pari?” she called out. When no reply came, she tested the door to see if it was locked.

It opened. Sera stood there for a moment, hand frozen on the door, before she pushed it open and shut it behind her. She waited for permission to enter or sit down that would never come.

The violets she’d brought for Parisa earlier were still in the vase, and the daisies from the day before had been moved to another vase on the bookshelf behind Parisa’s chair. There were signs that Parisa had been home, but she clearly hadn’t done much while she was here.

Sera circled the desk, skimming her fingertips across the surface. Parisa’s planner was open, but it was turned to the wrong week. She flipped through the pages and stopped on the current week. It was empty. Dipping her head, she pulled open the top drawer. There was nothing there but pens and office supplies, all neatly arranged. She sat in Parisa’s chair and pulled the other drawers open to find organized file folders and a surprise snack drawer that had more chips in it than Sera would have expected from Parisa.

Nothing was out of place. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Nothing provided any clues as to where Parisa had gone or why she wasn’t at the pack house.

Sera turned to look at the door to Parisa’s bedroom. Chewing her bottom lip, she stood and crossed the room in a few steps. She quietly asked for forgiveness as she opened the door to her Alpha’s room. Like her office, everything was tidy and clean. The bed looked slept in, though, and that made Sera’s shoulders relax.

She put one foot in past the doorway, but quickly pulled it back. There were some lines she wasn’t willing to cross and sneaking into Parisa’s room was one of them. Her cheeks and the tips of her ears bloomed red the longer she stood there looking at Parisa’s things, and she rushed to close the door.

Leaving Parisa’s office, she gave one last look around the room, wishing something would stick out as abnormal, but it was the same as ever.

At least Parisa had come home at some point. Sera closed the door, face set with determination. She was going to stay awake until Parisa was back.

Sera placed a plate with two tartlets from the bakery on the side table next to the sofa and took her seat in the pack’s living room. The fire fought the late-night autumn chill, the coffee was fresh, and she’d just finished steeping a pot of tea for Parisa.

As long as Parisa came home that night and they chatted by the fire, everything would be alright.

Sera read and waited. She made it through twenty, forty, then sixty pages of the book. Packmates came and went and Sera chatted with each of them. Time dragged on. Still there was no sign of Parisa.

She read the same paragraph for a third time before sighing and closing her book. Worry gnawed at her stomach — a selfish disappointment did, too.

“Beta Seraphine!” Jo sauntered into the room with a big smile. “What are you still doing up? It’s nearly dawn. Is it because you’re reading? Is it good?” They plopped down on the sofa right next to Sera.

Sera faked a smile. Her emotions were already in overdrive. She didn’t need Jo here on top of her worry for Parisa, but the instant Jo sat down, memories were already slipping out of the locked box where she kept them.

“It’s decent. Not one of the best I’ve read recently, but I’m still reading, so it can’t be that bad.”

“Is it one of Edgar’s books?”

Sera nodded.

Jo sat back with a huff, crossing their arms. “He says I’m too young to borrow any. I’m twenty-nine!”

Sera chuckled despite the raw feeling in her chest. “You’re young by his human standards. By my wolf standards, too.”

Jo shifted closer on the sofa. “Can I at least read the back? I’m just curious.”

The second Jo’s arm and leg bumped into her own, Sera’s chest clenched as blurry memories resurfaced, pieces of them sharpening as Jo continued to talk beside her. She wasn’t listening. Her mind drifted elsewhere, to a home she could barely remember and a freckled face she wasn’t sure if she wanted to remember more clearly or forget altogether. She didn’t know which would help her move on and be able to be alone with Jo without this happening.

She used to read to him. They didn’t have many books, but it was fine because he wanted to read the same one over and over. The book had a red truck in it and his face lit up each time it appeared on the page.

“Beta Seraphine?”

Sera pulled herself back into the present. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“Nothing important.” Jo narrowed their eyes. “You alright?”

“Perfectly fine.”

“You know, I dump all my feelings on the pack so I can feel better, and you can do the same.” Jo shifted on the sofa, turning towards Sera and folding one leg on the cushion, the other dangling off the side.

“Nothing to share. I promise.” Sera chewed her bottom lip. Words poured out around the lump in her throat. “You just remind me of someone.”

Sometimes Sera wondered why so many of her fuzzy memories were just the two of them. Maybe they’d been the closest. Maybe their parents had been busy. Maybe they’d only had each other. She wanted to remember him. It hurt, but it connected her to a past she’d lost. It connected her to who she was.

“You mentioned that before.” Jo grinned.

She couldn’t stop the words as they tumbled out. “You remind me of my brother.” Her bottom lip trembled. Sera gripped her pant leg, fisting the fabric in her hand. She tried to keep her expression neutral, but she could feel she was failing.

Jo sprung off the couch and threw their arms around Sera’s shoulders. They held on tight, squeezing Sera until it almost hurt.

Sera felt hot tears stinging the back of her eyes. She inhaled a shuddered breath. She screwed her eyes shut as Jo clung to her to make sure no tears slipped free, but one did anyway. It trickled down her face and was salty on her lips.

Jo gave her one more squeeze and then let go, pulling away with a concerned expression on their face. “I’m sorry.”

“What on earth for?” Sera laughed, the sound watery. She wiped a hand across her cheek, sniffling.

“Is that why you don’t like being around me?”

Sera froze. “What?”

Jo curled inwards, eyes landing on their hands folded in their lap. “I’ve noticed you’ll sit and chat with others in the pack, but never me. I thought you didn’t like me much, or that you found me annoying. But now that I know this, I think it makes sense. I can leave you alone if that’s what you need.”

They started to move away, but Sera reached out for Jo’s hand.

“That’s not what I need. Or want.” She did avoid Jo. It was easier than dealing with memories that refused to stay buried, but as much as it stung, maybe she wanted that reminder. It was bittersweet. It was the feeling of love enduring after so much had been lost.

She didn’t want to lose anything more. “You’re part of my pack, my family. I don’t want you to stop being around me.”

“But is that the reason?”

Sera nodded.

Jo placed their other hand on top of Sera’s. “I have no idea what it’s like for any of you. My family is still around. They make me feel terrible sometimes, but at least they’re here. For some of you — for you, for Parisa, Emmaline, Wil.”

Sera sniffled again. Jo’s palm was warm against her skin. It grounded her in the present. Memories faded, but the bittersweet feeling remained. “Then it’s a good thing we have each other, isn’t it? We’ve lost a lot, but I think —” She paused, knowing what she wanted to say, but she needed to gather the strength to say it. “I know I’ve lost an entire life I used to have, but now I have Parisa and all of you.”

Jo sat there, stunned for a second before leaping forward and crushing Sera in another hug. “I don’t know what to say, so I’ll hug you instead. Is that okay?” They squeezed harder.

Sera thought of a little boy doing the same right before he went to sleep. She wrapped her arms around Jo’s middle and hugged them back. “It’s very okay.”

They stayed that way for a while before Jo pulled back, eyes glassy. They laughed and broke the tension that hung in their air between them before returning to talking about the book like nothing had happened, but for Sera, something had opened inside her, and this time, she welcomed it.

With another hug, Jo excused themselves and Sera was left with these wonderful and horrible raw emotions welling up inside her as memories flooded her mind. She glanced at the tea growing cold beside her and the back door, willing Parisa to walk through it.

More than anything, that was who she wanted to talk to. That was who she wanted to be with. Maybe she would talk about her feelings, maybe she wouldn't, but her messy life would feel so much more manageable with Parisa here.

Sera waited until the sun rose and she lost the fight against sleep, slumping against the sofa as she closed her eyes.

Sera woke to the sounds of her packmates cooking. She sat up, hair pointing at odd angles, and glanced in their direction. “What time is it?” she asked, voice thick with sleep.

“Just before dinner,” Lock replied, dumping vegetable trimmings in their compost container. “I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to sleep through our noise all day.”

“Dinner?” She looked around the room, processing. “The bakery!”

“It’s fine. We helped cover at the bakery and Wil took care of things in the office.”

Sera stood too quickly and she felt lightheaded. “I’m so sorry. I should have been there. I don’t know what happened.”

“You must have been exhausted. It’s fine. We all cover for each other sometimes.”

“Parisa.” Sera said under her breath, glancing at her door. She turned towards Lock. “Thank you for everything. I mean it. I’ll do better. I promise.”

“And I promise it’s fine.” He laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it.”

She nodded and hurried towards Parisa’s office. She flung the door open to find Parisa sitting at her desk talking on the phone. She held up a finger to ask Sera to wait a moment.

Sera froze with her hand on the door.

The moment Parisa ended her call, Sera burst. “Where have you been? It’s been days! And last night I waited for you and you never came home.”

“Clearly I did because I’m sitting right here.” It was Parisa’s attempt at a joke. It fell flat. The tension in the air didn’t allow for any levity.

Sera stepped in and shut the door. “So you’re just going to pretend like nothing happened? Like you didn’t disappear?”

Parisa leaned back in her chair, eyes trained on Sera. “I’m going to resume my daily life and put my own mess behind me.”

“What mess? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Pari, if you need help —”

“I don’t.”

“Then what’s going on? Please don’t leave me in the dark. I’m your Beta, but I’m also your friend.”

“Of course you are.” Parisa shut her eyes tight and took a deep breath. “What is happening with me is something I’d rather handle myself. I’m not cutting you out intentionally. I just need to do this my way.”

“But if it gets to be too much to handle, you know I’m here, right?”

“I know that, azizam.”

Sera slumped against the door and savored the sight of Parisa in her office where she was supposed to be. “I missed you.”

Parisa’s smile was saturated with warm affection, despite the heaviness in her eyes. “I missed you, too.”

Sera walked into the greenhouse determined to find the perfect flowers for Parisa. Something was still wrong, but at least she’d been home, even if Parisa was a ghost of her usual self.

The violets didn’t seem like enough. The daisies weren’t right for what Parisa needed. Her roses had never quite taken off like she’d hoped, but they were still sprouting a few blooms in buttery yellows, crisp whites, and blushing pinks.

The greenhouse door cracked open and Sera turned to see Emmaline waving at her.

“Somehow I knew you’d be in here,” Emmaline said.

“Were you looking for me?”

“No, just needed a few flowers for the bakery and thought you might be in here, too. It’s a nice place to start your day, isn’t it?”

Sera smiled. “My favorite. Though, your day started a while ago, didn’t it?”

“Regular sleep is a concept I’ve long since forgotten. I sleep when I want to. I’m awake when I have things I want to do. Plus that handsome bear of mine still enjoys mornings and I can only take so much stomping around before I’m up for good.” Emmaline chuckled. “What are you bringing to Parisa this afternoon?”

“Roses,” Sera replied, holding up a few fresh clippings.

“A special occasion?”

“No, just feeling drawn to them.”

“Maybe it’s a sign that they’re speaking to you. Roses can symbolize a lot of good things, not just passionate love like everyone immediately thinks. White roses can mean a celebration of new beginnings, yellows can be friendship or warmth, and pinks bring admiration and joy.”

“To me they’re just pretty.”

“I know it might be silly, but I love the language of flowers, and I enjoy sneaking messages onto people’s tarts.” Emmaline regarded the flowers with a soft smile. “Those pansies of yours can say ‘think of me,’ and their cousin, the violet, can say so many things: honesty, devotion, or an invitation to take a chance on a new love. Your daisies, too. Those are often used as a sign of deep attachment. They can say ‘I’m yours.’ I kind of hope when I sneak a few of these violets and use them today that they send a good message -- whatever the customer needs it to be.”

“That’s sweet,” Sera replied, but her mind was running away with another thought. Did she want her flowers to mean something when she gave them to Parisa?

“Of course, none of that would be possible without all your love and care for these little ones.”

“It’s nothing. Just my small contribution,” she said. Her voice sounded far away to her own ears.

Was Hugh right? Was the way she felt for Parisa more like romantic love than the platonic love she’d always considered it to be?

“Hardly a small contribution! You keep the shop looking lovely and help make sure we have more fresh vegetables on our plates.”

“Only some. We still have to buy a lot.”

“Still, it’s nice to have them close by. Take the compliment, will you?” Emmaline chuckled.

“Yeah. Sure.” Did she have feelings for Parisa beyond their friendship? She gave her flowers everyday. Talking to Parisa over tea and coffee was the best part of any day. But they were just close friends. Those were all things best friends could do and think.

Her heart beat faster and Emmaline looked at her with a sideways sort of glance that suggested she’d noticed. Sera chewed on her lip as she considered the time. She could talk through this flurry of confusion with Hugh before meeting with Parisa and Wilma. She had to get it out of her head. Even if she was late, it was necessary.

“You’ve just given me an idea,” Sera said, clipping a couple more pink and white roses.

“A good one, I hope,” Emmaline replied.

“I don’t know yet.”

Sera darted towards the door and grabbed her coat before heading down the path past the house, down to the bakery, and across the street towards the cafe, knowing Hugh would more than likely be there. If he wasn’t she would go hunting for him.

eleven

Sera skipped the line and burst through the vampire cafe doors with a wild look in her eyes. Scanning the floor for Hugh, she didn’t see him in any of his usual spots, but she did see Eugene wiping down a table and she darted over to him.

“Hugh’s not here,” he said once he noticed her. “But can I get you something? Got a new syrup we mixed up today. Could be lovely. I hope. I think it is. Anyway, I bet you’d like it.” His smile was so warm and kind Sera had an impossible time figuring out how on earth Hugh found anything annoying about this soft, sweet man.

“Do you know where he might be?” She asked, then added, “But that sounds like a temptation I just can’t pass up if it wouldn't be a bother.” She was in a hurry but she couldn’t be rude. Also, potentially life-changing realizations demanded a treat.

A few minutes later, she left with determination and a warm cup of rich, spiced, caramel-flavored coffee in a to-go cup.

By the time she reached the bookstore, her coffee was gone and her hands were shaking from nerves and sugar. She could’ve tossed the cup but she held it in her hands to give them something to do besides shake at her sides. She beelined through every aisle in the long, narrow shop until she found exactly who she needed to talk to.

“Hugh! Flowers messed with my head and you messed with my head, so now I have to talk with you.”

He glanced up from the book of poetry in his hands and motioned to the chair opposite him with an overly sweet grin.

She flopped down into the well-worn chair and gripped the empty cup in her hands. “How did you know I liked her?” Sera couldn’t bring herself to say Parisa’s name and she definitely couldn’t say another four letter word that would much better describe the humming in her chest.

He closed his book and folded his fingers together as his features softened and those steady, calm eyes found hers. “Everything,” he replied.

“Unhelpful. I’m serious. Please, I’m reeling here.”

“What do you need from me, mon lou lou?”

“I need you to tell me what you’ve seen that made you know so that I can know it, too, because right now I think I know but I don’t know.”

“This seems like a conversation for another location. Shall we take a walk?”

“Please.”

Back out on the sidewalk, there was a flood rising up in her throat and she couldn’t voice any of it. She simultaneously wanted to let the dam burst and shove it all back down inside.

“That was the least coherent I’ve heard you be in years. It must be serious,” he said, bumping his shoulder into hers.

Sera stared down at her shoes and the uneven pavement.

“You need me to tell you what I’ve seen, hm?” He paused. “I’ve seen every cliché thing that you’re not going to believe because it sounds so fake when someone else says it, but so real when you feel it. Your entire face changes when you talk about her. Your voice sounds different, too. You brighten. You laugh easier.”

“She’s my Alpha and I’m her Beta. That’s part of it.”

“I don’t doubt that, but it’s more than respect and admiration, more than the pack bond between you two. Sera, you care about every person in that house. You tell me stories and laugh and rant, but with her — with her, you get stars in your eyes.”

“You’re right. It does sound cliché,” she deflected because it was easier than letting anything else out.

“Cheesy like staring into one another’s eyes, but when you do it, it’s anything but.”

“I give her flowers,” she blurted, not knowing where to begin. She scanned the street looking to see if it was busy and if she should be more careful with her words to avoid gossiping tongues, but Hugh had steered them down a quiet street lined with parked cars and not a whole lot else. “I always put thought into it, just as I would a gift for anyone, but I do it every day. Flowers can mean something, Hugh,” she turned, placing her hand on his upper arm until his pace slowed. “I think I wanted it to mean something.”

“What’s your favorite part of your day?”

“When we sit by the fire and talk. Or in the summer when it’s too warm, we sit out on the back porch and listen to the cicadas. Whenever one of us is too busy to talk I never sleep well.”

“What’s special about her?”

“She’s strong, strong in so many ways. I’ve seen how she can fight, and don’t get me wrong, that’s hot, very hot, but she shoulders burdens with grace and carries the weight of the pack every single day in a way that shows that she does it not only because it’s her responsibility, but because she wants to. Because she loves her pack.”

“And you.”

“What?”

“She loves you, too.”

Sera’s heart sank. “That’s the problem.”

“Hm?”

“There’s no way this feeling, whatever this is, is returned.”

“Why not?”

“For a million reasons! For her this is just our normal life. She’s not over there suddenly realizing she’s been giving someone love flowers for years or thinking about how if she doesn’t get to talk to someone that she isn’t going to sleep because that’s insane. She’s too level-headed for any of that. She’s never given any indication of any kind of that love is even a possibility for her.”

Alphas, as a whole, weren’t seen as romantic beings. Clyde had never openly had a relationship that she knew about. But then again, she didn’t really know the inner workings of their pack. Packs were private for a reason.

Another fear gripped her chest. “And I’m her Beta. This is not something that happens. Or can happen.” Sera had never heard of an Alpha and Beta being together. There might not be a rule, but years of tradition made it seem impossible. “It would weaken the pack. It weakens the Alpha.”

“How can love ever weaken anybody?”

“That surprisingly sappy coming from you.”

“Just because I don’t believe in the human notion of monogamy doesn’t mean I can’t fall deeply in love.”

“You and Clemente are the oddest and cutest pair, I swear.” Sera’s eyes widened. “Or do you mean someone new? Hugh, is it someone new?”

Hugh ignored her question with a grin. “Many, many times over too many centuries, I’ve collected love, lovers, and hurt, but I’ve never felt weakened by any of it. Not in any way that I couldn’t learn from and gain something from.” He placed his large hands on Sera’s shoulders. “Everyone I’ve loved made me stronger, even when I lost them.”

She placed her own hand on top of one of his and smiled up at him, eyes watery. A silent conversation passed between them, shared memories as friends combining with everything they’d not yet spoken to one another.

Hugh smiled back, a lopsided sort of thing, and let out a long sigh. “Enough of me.”

Sera realized it was her turn to be open now as she fell back in step alongside Hugh. “I can’t lose her. We’re tied together as a pack, as Alpha and Beta. That bond can’t be taken lightly and it’s something beyond romance for a reason. If something happened — if an Alpha and Beta weren’t perfectly in sync or when things went wrong, the health of the pack would be in jeopardy. The health, safety —“

“And reputation of the pack comes before all else. I know. And I won’t deny that adds another element that makes this more difficult, but you’d be a fool to think she feels nothing for you.”

“I know she cares for me, trusts me, but —"

“She has stars in her eyes when she talks about you, too.”

“She does not.”

“Again, I can’t convince you. I can’t make you see what you’re determined not to see, but when she sees me, she mentions you in the first five words.”

“When do you two talk?”

“I’m not a shut-in and neither is she.”

“What does she say about me?”

“Same as you. A quick story about something funny you two talked about. Or she’ll tell me about something you did that made her proud. She brags about you, you know.”

“Because I’m her Beta.”

“Stars in her eyes.”

“Hugh.”

“Stars. In. Her. Eyes.”

“Even if you were right and not making it up or reading into something that isn’t there, it still couldn’t happen.”

“And that’s something for you two to figure out, but you’ve managed to make it through much worse over the years.”

“I can’t jeopardize the pack.”

“Would anything honestly change?”

“How can you even ask that? Nothing would be the same!”

“Internally, sure. But on the outside? What would change about how the pack functioned?”

Sera ran through her day, letting her imagination run wild with what could be. She’d still bring her flowers. They’d still meet to run over the day before it began in earnest. They’d still make time to sit by the fire, hopefully more often, like they used to. Maybe it’d be easier to find time to talk because Sera’s room could be Parisa’s room and they could talk when they woke up and before bed. She felt her skin warming. “I just want to talk to her.”

Hugh gave her a puzzled look.

“All I ever want to do is talk to her and listen to her.”

“So what would change?”

“Everything.”

“And with the pack?”

“I don’t know. There’s too many ways things can go wrong.” As quickly as she could imagine all the best parts, the worst slipped in there, too. Their disagreements could be more heated. Discord between them could cause rifts in the pack. People could look down on Parisa because of something Sera wanted. “It’s selfish.”

“Love is pretty selfish. I’ve been to enough weddings to know all that love is patient, love is kind stuff, but love is also selfish. It wants and it needs. It pleads for what it wants and refuses to let anything else get in the way. Love is wild. Love is fearful. Love is anger and passion and a desperate need to just talk to each other and be there.”

Sera shook her head. “I’m not going to say anything.”

“I won’t force you — of course I won’t.” He patted her cheek before turning back towards the path ahead of them. “And I will never judge you for what you choose because it’ll be the right choice.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re you.”

“I’m confused and barely holding it together, Hugh.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Sorry I’m late!” Sera burst through Parisa’s office door and held out the roses she’d clipped in the greenhouse. She’d wrapped them in a nicer handkerchief than usual.

Parisa stood and took them with a gentle smile. “They’re lovely, my late, little Beta.”

Wilma stared down at her binder.

Sera’s cheeks were warm.

Parisa set the roses in the vase on her desk and got back into whatever she and Wilma had been talking about before she got there. Sera had no idea what they said because she was too busy trying to remember how to sit, what to do with her hands, and trying not to stare at Parisa with this new information in her head.

By the time the meeting was over, Sera had contributed nothing and Wilma was leaving. Sera found herself alone with her Alpha.

“What’s got you in such a state today, azizam?”

“Nothing! Just thinking a lot.”

Parisa circled her desk to where Sera sat. “About what?”

Sera looked up at her and all human language drained out of her ears. Parisa was beautiful. Sera knew this and yet she’d never taken the time to stop and consider her muscles, her curves, the way her hair framed her striking features. She knew she was staring but she couldn’t stop it. Her mouth was dry.

Parisa leaned in towards her. “Now I’m really curious.”

“Nothing to be curious about.” Her voice cracked.

Parisa’s smirk made a shiver run down Sera’s spine. “Good thing the full moon is soon. You can run from your thoughts, like I love to do.”

“Yeah, that’s just what I need.”

“I need a lot more than that, but it’s a start.” Parisa leaned back against her desk, arms crossed.

“Oh?”

She tapped her fingers on her arm. “Alphas have their secrets, too. And as much as I’d love to stay and make you squirm a little longer —” She winked. “I’ve got to go and you have a bakery shift.”

Sera bolted upright and checked the clock on the wall. “Oh no, I’m late for that, too!”

She moved towards the door, but Parisa put a hand on her arm.

“Thank you for the roses. I needed them today.”

“You’re welcome. I have fun picking them out, too.”

Parisa’s hand dropped to her side. She cast her gaze down to the floor, hair falling over her eyes. “I need them every day, but sometimes I need them a little more.”

“Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Parisa glanced up, features pulled together in a tight, neutral expression. “Yes, I’m just tired.”

“We’ve known each other too long. I know there’s something else. And you said that if it got to be too much to handle you’d ask for help.”

“You worry so much. Besides, we really do need to leave or we’ll both be late.” She patted Sera on the arm as she walked past, her hand lingering for a moment too long. “Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. And whatever isn’t okay is going to be fixed with a full moon run.”

Sera reached for the sleeve of Parisa’s dress. “Pari,” she pleaded. “Be honest with me.”

“I am. I promise it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She waited until Sera nodded, then left.

Sera stared at the roses on her desk, wishing she had time to run as her wolf so she could empty her mind before work at the bakery.

Maybe a full moon run really was the reset they both needed.

twelve

The Crooked Creek Pack’s territory consisted of acres of rolling hills surrounded by dense forests. The pack had been on this land for generations and they generously allowed the Pitch Mountain Pack to share some of it once a month. It was the price to pay for being a city pack without much land and they were grateful their closest friends and neighbors allowed them space during the full moon. That month they’d be shoved into an even tinier corner of their territory to give Jason the room he needed, but it would still be more than enough for their small pack.

The Crooked Creek Pack house was made of stone and stood like a formidable castle at the top of a hill. At thirty-eight members, their numbers were far greater than that of Sera’s pack and while not all of them lived in the house, many of them did.

Alpha Clyde was a brick wall of a man, sturdy like his home, but friendly and welcoming. He clung to his heritage and traditions, both as a human and as a wolf. The only exceptions he made were for rules that no longer had a place in this world, but even those had taken much arguing and physical fighting to finally let go.

His relationship with Parisa began poorly. Female Alphas were rare and when they did appear, were not, under any circumstances, allowed to lead their own packs, according to werewolf tradition. They could, with the help of an Alpha male, run a pack together. That was Clyde’s version of progress, which Parisa would not accept. When their tiny pack arrived, he offered to absorb them into his, with some stipulations. Parisa had a counteroffer and she fought him until, bloody and bruised, they each learned to respect the other.

“My friend!” Clyde clapped Parisa on the back with enough force to make anyone else pitch forward, but Parisa stood firm. “How has the last month treated you?”

“It’s only been a week since I last saw you.”

“Yes, but that was business. And short. We didn’t even eat together! A damn shame. We’ll make up for it tonight. Got a feast prepared.”

“You don’t have to go out of your way every month.”

“The hell I don’t! What kind of host would I be if I didn’t even treat my fellow wolves right?” His gaze turned to Sera. “Speaking of which, Beta Seraphine, I trust you’re doing well?”

She didn’t even waste the breath reminding him that she’d just been here recently as well. “Can’t complain.”

“But complaining is good for the soul.” He laughed, the sound rumbling up from his chest and shaking his shoulders. “It gets all the nasty energy out so you’re unencumbered from then on. Well, at least until you need to complain again.”

“I’m sure we’ll find nothing to complain about here. We never do.”

“You’re much too kind, always so kind. I’ve got to see to the last of dinner preparations and table setting, you know it has to be —”

“According to tradition.” Clyde’s Beta, Gabriel, grinned behind him. He waved at their guests, smile bright and cheerful.

Clyde spun his head around. “Well of course we’re following tradition. We’re not animals. We’re werewolves. Now shut the sass and keep working. We’ve got company.”

The feast was nothing short of magnificent. Even for Clyde, this was above and beyond normal expectations. Sera wasn’t sure if there was some historic werewolf holiday she’d forgotten about or if he was celebrating the arrival of a new Alpha, but whatever the cause, everything was perfect.

Sera tried to focus on stuffing herself full before the moon hung high in the sky, but her attention was constantly drawn to the new Alpha. Jason’s once-scrawny frame had filled out since she last saw him and he had a wild look in his eyes that made her feel unsettled.

Jason ate like he was starving, his eyes locked on Parisa the entire meal. It made the hairs on the back of Sera’s neck stand up. She did her best to ignore him and focused on the way her pack and Clyde’s fit together. The room was filled with loud laughter and conversation. If Parisa could sit beside her and chat with Clyde and his Beta as though Jason wasn’t staring holes into her skin, then Sera could, too.

Besides, there was too much to look forward to. Sera tingled with anticipation. Her hands were jittery with nerves. The full strength of the wolf was near. She drummed her fingers on the table and she tapped her toes on the hardwood floors beneath her feet. It didn’t help that Parisa was seated next to her at a table so filled with werewolves that they kept bumping elbows and Parisa’s knee kept touching hers. Sera did her best to keep up with the conversation, but she was overheating for more reasons than just the approaching full moon.

Parisa kept shooting her glances and Sera couldn’t tell if she was being scolded for shaking too much and not hiding her excitement or if Parisa was amused and just as ready as Sera to be let out into the night.

As the sun set, Clyde sent his pack in one direction while he and Gabriel brought Parisa’s pack to the other end of their land. There were no stables in which to strip down. Tradition dictated that the human side invited the wolf to emerge in the fresh air, surrounded by nature. Facing the forest, the pack rid themselves of clothing and took their last human breath before power surged through their veins and reshaped them.

Parisa took off running and Sera followed, the rest of the pack right behind her. She darted between trees and dashed over the fallen leaves and dirt, her paws scarcely touching the ground. Her pack yipped and panted as they kept up, racing one another and tackling their closest friends before catching back up with the rest. Sera pounded her feet into the ground in an effort to stay with her Alpha.

As a human she preferred to be around Parisa. As a wolf she was compelled to be at her side.

Parisa radiated strength, speed, and power. Sera rose to the unspoken challenge, coming up beside Parisa and brushing their sides together as she attempted to overtake her. Parisa growled, bared her teeth, and effortlessly increased her speed.

Behind them the pack kept up, but the further they descended into the depths of the forest, the less Sera could hear anything but the sound of their paws on the ground, their panting breaths, and the little yips and growls that slipped out from their mouths.

Parisa came to a sudden stop in Sera’s path. Sera skidded as she tried to slow herself but she still bumped into her Alpha, eliciting a rumbling but playful growl from the other wolf. Parisa nuzzled into Sera’s neck, nipping at the exposed fur there. She backed away and Sera dipped her head in deference before she bounded over and did the same, bumping their sides together and burying her muzzle in thick brown fur.

Her Alpha leapt back and reared up on her hind legs, teeth bared but no malice behind them. She jumped forward and came down with a front leg stretched across Sera’s spine. Sera whipped her head around and nipped at Parisa’s fur.

Their pack caught up with them. Some of them panted for breath while others played, trying to tackle each other. Wolves played and werewolves did, too. Size and a dash of humanity did nothing to change the fact that bonding was essential for survival and, for many of them, much easier to do when they were wrapped in fur and not all their human insecurities. Under the full moon, friendships deepened and connections between wolves grew stronger. For an Alpha and Beta, the full moon was a chance to strengthen their bond and remember how in sync they could be when removed from human pressures.

Sera and Parisa circled one another, both ready to pounce. Parisa curled her lip, showing her teeth in mock aggression, and Sera prepared to strike. The moment she jumped into the air, Parisa let out an excited yip, briefly falling out of her fighting stance before she sprung into action. Sera was never fast enough to catch Parisa off-guard and this was no exception. In seconds, Parisa had her pinned to the ground with a paw pressed firmly against her chest. Parisa licked the tip of Sera’s nose and jumped away, ready for another round.

She knew she could never truly win against her Alpha, but that wasn’t the point. It was enough to let the wolf run free, to let her howl, bare her teeth, and try to nip her Alpha’s thick, dark brown coat. No matter how many times she lost, there was joy in it. From the way Parisa vaulted around the area and yipped with delight, Sera knew the feeling was shared.

All around her, Sera’s closest friends, her family, her pack ran and played with the same delight she felt. Even Jo, who had a complicated relationship with their wolf, was running off into the night, limbs flailing as they looked back to check if Wilma was following. She wasn’t far behind, ripping up the ground as she tore through the forest to catch up with Jo. Edgar was off in the creek with Emmaline, splashing anyone who dared come too close. The entire pack was buzzing with energy. No one was immune from the freedom they all felt in this moment.

The night wore on and Sera’s thinking mind faded away until there was almost none of the human in her left. The last thing she remembered was a fresh kill trapped between her teeth and the pride bursting in her chest when she dropped it at the feet of her Alpha.

Sera came back to her senses in the forest, lying on her furry belly with the pack around her. Jo was on one side of her, curled up in a tight ball. Parisa was on the other, body aligned with Sera’s. One by one, humanity returned to the wolves, until the only ones still lost to the moon were the youngest members of the pack. This was often the hardest part for Edgar, Benny, and Jo. After being untamed for two days, their wolves were unwilling to return to their mostly dormant state. As they awoke, their aggressive sides came to the forefront and their wolves fought to maintain control.

With dawn blooming over the horizon and the peak of the full moon well over, the elder members of the pack encircled them. They all watched Parisa to see what to do next, following her every move.

Parisa twitched her head to the side and Sera jumped into action, pinning down Jo while Wilma and Lock got Edgar and Benny. The three younger wolves squirmed and growled as they tried to break free. Jo’s teeth were on display and they tried to lunge to bite Sera’s leg, but Sera was undaunted and Jo’s strength was no match for her own. Edgar continued to fight until Parisa helped Wilma subdue him. Gradually, all three submitted to power stronger than their own. Sera stood and let Jo go, knowing the younger wolf wasn’t going to fight her any longer.

The sun warmed the horizon and split through the trees, cracking through the thick fog that surrounded them. Dew glistened on the grass beneath their feet and the birds told them there was no time left to enjoy. Sera looked up at the canopy and savored these last few moments before she started the transformation. For the younger wolves, this happened involuntarily, but for those more in tune with the wolf, they could choose the moment they said farewell to their full moon strength until the next month.

Back at the edge of the forest, they dressed themselves in the now quite damp and crumpled clothes they’d abandoned the first night. Everyone was covered in dirt and happily exhausted. Jo looked wrung out, and they leaned on Harry as they walked back towards the Crooked Creek Pack house.

There was no big meal, no grand send-off like their arrival, but the Pitch Mountain Pack was hardly in any condition to head home right away. It was normal for Clyde to offer them some rooms to rest, showers to clean up, and plenty of cozy space in the large living areas to catch up with friends in the Crooked Creek Pack.

Sera was too tired to think much about the arrangements until she opened the door to her usual small, borrowed room to find Parisa lounging on the far edge of the bed, one arm thrown over her eyes.

She shut the door and stared at the wood as she stood in the hallway.

She always shared with Parisa. It was never an issue, but now Sera couldn’t even open the door fully, let alone lie down and rest. There would be no sleeping in that room.

She turned to walk away and spun around to find Wilma walking up behind her.

“Are you going to rest?” Wilma asked.

“Maybe.”

“I usually do, but Jo is starting a card game in the main living room and asked me to come, too. Do you want to join us?”

Just the thought sounded exhausting. Her bones ached and all she wanted to do was sleep before heading home. Sera shook her head. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

“Have a good rest, then,” Wilma offered as she walked past.

“I’ll try.”

She could do this. It would be even more strange to share a room with someone else, no matter how much she loved her pack. This was nothing. She’d done it every month for years.

Sera huffed out a breath, opened the door, and stepped inside. She felt like a coiled up spring.

Parisa slid her arm off her face. “I thought that was you,” she said with a yawn.

Sera melted. She was so cute when she smiled.

Parisa scooted over, making more room for her. “I promise not to try and hog it all like last time,” she added with a chuckle. She yawned again and started rolling over onto her side, her back towards Sera. “I’m exhausted. How about you?”

“About the same.”

“These full moon nights are taking more out of me than they used to. Remember what it used to be like?”

Sera took several hesitant steps towards the bed. “Yeah, when we could run for two nights, come back, and spend the day with a bottle of whiskey and our Crooked Creek friends?”

“Clyde could really drink back then. So could we.” Parisa peeked over her shoulder. “Are you going to sleep or stand?”

“Sleep.” Sera inched towards the bed and finally sat down on the edge. She glanced at Parisa beside her, her thick, brown hair spilling across her pillow, her shoulder rising and falling with every breath.

Exhaustion tugged at Sera’s eyelids. Her head dipped as her neck relaxed on its own. With her arms and legs as stiff as boards, she lay down on the bed, hanging onto the edge. Behind her, she heard sheets rustling and felt the bed dip.

Parisa poked her between her shoulders. Startled, Sera nearly fell off the bed.

“Do you ever feel like you blink and ten years go by?”

“Sometimes,” Sera squeaked. Her back tingled where Parisa had touched her, her skin radiating warmth with her so near.

“Some humans long for these lengthened lifetimes, and yet, here I am with mine, spending it doing the same things every day.”

Sera couldn’t think of anything to say, but as the silence stretched on, she needed to fill it, if only to distract from the sound of her own heartbeat in her ears. “Routines can be a good thing.”

“Don’t you ever want to do something more daring?”

“Like what?”

Sera tensed as Parisa’s fingertips skimmed along her arm, and then her hand was gone. “Like nothing I can share out loud.”

The bed dipped behind her again as Parisa moved, then she felt her Alpha’s back along her own. “Rest well, azizam.”

“You, too, Pari,” Sera managed to say.

She shut her eyes and focused on calming her own heartbeat, knowing Parisa could sense it. The only thing that helped was the sound of Parisa’s steady breaths behind her. The more she listened to the sound, the easier it was to calm her breathing and slow her racing heart. As Parisa drifted off to sleep, Sera matched her breathing to hers and soon the exhaustion she felt in her muscles won and she fell asleep.

When Sera woke up, it was dark outside and she was on her back with a heavy weight on her arm. Panic gripped her in the darkness as she wondered what was holding her down, but as her rational mind awoke, too, she realized it was just Parisa.

Then, another type of panic settled in. Sera clenched the hand that wasn’t currently wrapped around Parisa’s shoulder, digging her fingernails into her palm. Parisa smelled like the forest and, somehow, like the rose water she used in the bakery. She was too close for Sera to handle, but also not close enough.

Sera longed for more. She wanted to nuzzle into Parisa’s soft hair and press a kiss to the top of her head. She wanted to curl her arm around her and pull her closer. She wanted to kiss her. She pictured it so clearly in her mind. They’d start out innocently enough, but it would melt into more as Parisa relaxed against her in the darkness.

She stopped herself. She’d promised not to let those feelings overtake her. She thought of anything else — the pack, the forest, favorite customers at the bakery — until she’d buried those thoughts like everything else she didn’t want to deal with. It worked well enough for Sera to function again.

She weighed her options. She could continue to lay here until Parisa woke up or she could carefully pull her arm away and slip back out of the room. There was a clear correct choice, given the fact that her feelings for her Alpha were threatening to take hold again. She needed to leave.

But she couldn’t.

In the darkness, Sera let her selfishness win. She closed her eyes and curled her fingers around Parisa’s shoulder.

If she couldn’t have this for real, then at least she could have it for now.

The Pitch Mountain Pack gathered in the foyer of the Crooked Creek Pack house to say their goodbyes and share their gratitude for another full moon spent together. Clyde seemed more haggard than usual, though he was smiling, and Jason was nowhere to be seen. Parisa was also missing. When Sera awoke again later that evening, she’d already left.

“How are you feeling?” Sera approached Jo who was leaning against the wall.

“Everything hurts,” Jo said with a weak grin. “It gets better, right?”

Sera nodded, heart aching for the younger wolf. “Like with most things, time makes a world of difference.”

“I guess I’ve got nothing but time now.” Jo chuckled and then grimaced, holding their arm closer to their body.

“Yes, but time still passes quickly. If you blink, you’ll miss a decade or two. If you can, enjoy what you have now and know just how much better things can be in the future.”

Parisa reappeared with none of the joy in her expression from before. She said nothing as she stepped through her pack and out the front doors, signaling that it was time to leave.

Clyde stepped beside Sera. “How is she?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. Sometimes she’s the same Alpha I’ve come to know, then other times it’s as though she’s changed into someone I don’t recognize.”

“Like all Alphas, the weight of her pack lies heavy on her shoulders. She bears it proudly, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy.”

“I know.”

Clyde clapped her on the shoulder. “Until next time, my friend. And don’t be a stranger. If you need us, we’re here.”

thirteen

Sera emerged from the bakery office rubbing her eyes. She would much rather be out on the bakery floor talking to customers than dealing with documents and spreadsheets or catching up on an endless list of phone calls.

The first few days back at the bakery after the full moon were rough. Werewolves couldn’t experience hangovers, but that was close. In addition to dealing with her body aches, Sera was taking on Parisa’s tasks because she was out for the day — again. She could go to Parisa’s meetings and get some gossip to bring back to Hugh, but it was everything else about managing a pack and a bakery that made her remember just how much her Alpha handled. She continued to lean on Wilma for support.

She saw a familiar face chatting with Lock and Jo at the counter and smiled. “Diah, it’s a little early for you to be back home.”

“Taking a long lunch,” Diah explained with a sigh. “A kid threw up in front of me at the library and I decided I deserved a better lunch and some desserts.”

“That’s so gross.” Lock made a face.

“It’s okay. We’ve already applied a hand pie to the situation.” Jo grinned.

“And half a mango and blackberry tart,” Lock said. “I ate the other half.”

“Make sure there’s something left in the cases after you’re all finished,” Sera teased as she headed into the back to say hello to Emmaline.

She swung the doors open, mouth open and ready to greet her friend, only to be silenced by Emmaline shaking her head, her lips pinched together in a tight line. She tilted her head towards the back and Sera followed her gaze until her eyes found Parisa in the corner, working a ball of dough.

Emmaline wiped her hands on her apron and stood beside Sera so she could whisper, “She came in here about twenty minutes ago and hasn’t said a word. I tried to talk with her, but didn’t get anywhere. Maybe you’ll have different results.”

Sera’s chest tightened. Whatever was pulling Parisa away from the house, it was obviously a heavy weight on her shoulders and she didn’t need to bear it alone. She walked over to her and cleared her throat.

Parisa didn’t look up. She kept kneading the dough so slowly her hands were barely moving. She stared down at it with her hair falling down around her. Sera wanted to reach out and tuck some of the soft, brown strands behind her ear so she could see her face.

“Pari, do you want some help?”

Parisa shook her head.

Sera took a few more steps until they were standing shoulder to shoulder. “If there’s anything I can do —”

Parisa turned and dropped her head against Sera’s arm, forehead pressing into the thin fabric of her button-down shirt. Sera froze as her mind warred between her fluttering heart and her concern for her Alpha. Parisa was never one for physical contact, at least not when she wasn’t her wolf.

She felt Parisa’s fingertips on her back and jumped, startled. Parisa wound her arms around Sera’s waist and stood there in an awkward side hug with her head down. Sera’s heart raced as put an arm around Parisa’s shoulders.

Parisa sighed and leaned in closer. “Thank you,” she mumbled into the fabric of Sera’s shirt.

Sera rubbed her hand in small circles on her back.

“Do you want to make bread with me?”

“If you mean let me watch or fetch things for you, sure. That’s about all I can do.”

Parisa didn’t move.

“But if you want help, I’ll do my best.” She patted Parisa’s shoulder, even though all she wanted to do was hold her close and kiss the spot on her forehead that poked out from between her locks of thick, brown hair. “How about we make some bread? Now’s as good a time as any to learn.”

Parisa looked up, pulling back. Sera already missed the feeling of her pressed against her shirt.

“You mean it? You’ll bake bread with me?”

She looked so hopeful. Sera’s heart burst. She’d do anything for Parisa, now and forever.

“I’ll do my best.”

Parisa sniffled, standing up straight. She wiped her face and pushed her hair out of her face. “That’s all any of us can do, right? Our best.” She set aside her ball of dough and started gathering ingredients for Sera.

It felt good to get her hands dirty. It was like working in the greenhouse, but stickier. What felt even better was standing beside Parisa as they worked together in comfortable silence, only broken by Parisa giving Sera her next instructions. Though she followed them the best she could, when it was time to let the dough proof, Parisa’s looked perfect and round and Sera’s was a sticky, wet mess.

“Looks like you’re making focaccia over there.” Parisa snickered.

“Is that a joke I’m supposed to get?”

Parisa shrugged. It was good to see her like this again. “We have some time as the dough proofs. Maybe we could share a pot of tea in the office?” She suggested, motioning to the front of the shop.

Sera smiled, feeling warm and content. Feelings that were best ignored stirred in her heart. Parisa wasn’t sharing anything yet, but as long as she could be there for her, that could be enough for now. She trusted that her Alpha would tell her when the time was right. “I’d love to.”

“We need to ban Monopoly,” Sera groaned, rubbing at her temples.

“It’s tearing us apart!” Jo yelled, body splayed across the rug with arms and legs going anywhere they wanted.

Sera smiled. She was still learning to be around Jo, but it was getting easier. The things she remembered were less likely to drag her out of the present. She was starting to co-exist with these recollections of her brother, even though they still stung. Having so much of her pack around her helped.

“I can’t help it if I’m just the better realty manager,” Harry said, waving his wad of multicolored cash.

“More like a robber baron,” Olive mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.

“That’s too old-fashioned of a burn to count,” Harry countered.

Wilma narrowed her eyes. “Too old-fashioned?” She attempted to hide the grin forming on her lips. Jo laughed beside her.

“Not you, of course. Or you, Beta. Old things are great,” Harry muttered.

“You’re digging yourself a deeper hole,” Diah added, chucking through a yawn.

“I’m not opposed to flipping the board again like I did last time.” Jo wiggled their fingers along the edge of the game.

“No!” The group shouted in unison.

Jo beamed. “Look, we got all this fancy beer. What are we playing board games for? We can do something more fun.”

Sera leveled her stare at Jo. “You know I can’t do anything too interesting.”

“Come on, it’s all in the name of bonding.” Jo had a charming smile that made everyone want to go along with their ideas even if they were terrible. Whatever was causing that gleam in Jo’s eyes had to be dangerous.

Sera gave it a shot. “What do you have in mind?”

“Beer pong and flip cup aren’t classy enough for this beer or for this decidedly classy bunch of folks. What about —” Jo made eye contact with Wilma and smirked. “Never Have I Ever?”

“Absolutely not. I’m out.” Sera stood up from her spot on the rug, brushing the bits of popcorn off her pants.

Diah also stood. “Me, too. Not for me.”

“No!” Jo whined. “We’ll keep it tame. Promise.”

Sera’s opinion remained unchanged, as did Diah’s.

“Please?” Jo wasn’t above begging, those expressive eyebrows turning outwards and making their expression more pitiable.

“Jo does keep promises,” Wilma added, forever the loyal best friend. Becoming Gamma hadn’t changed their budding friendship in the slightest. Wilma had her role to play as the innocent-seeming but equally-guilty partner in crime.

“Fine.” Diah sat back down. “But only until I finish this can.” She waved the artsy can from a local brewery bearing the name “The Cure for What Ales Ya” in front of her face.

Beer might have little to no effect on werewolves, but it didn’t mean the infectious atmosphere wouldn't loosen a few tongues.

Sera figured her life would be the most tame and boring of all. She led a simple life centered around Parisa’s office, the bakery, and the greenhouse. But as it turned out, living for so many decades might have dulled her sense of what was tame and what was interesting.

“Time to spice things up. Never have I ever had a one night stand,” Jo said.

Sera put a finger down.

Wilma made a cooing sound, pinching Jo’s cheek. “Little gooey romantic you are.”

Jo squirmed away. “Stop it. Wait, what?”

All eyes followed Jo’s line of sight to Sera.

“What?” Sera couldn’t fight off the smirk on her face. “You live this long, it’d be impossible not to, well, you know.”

Jo leaned forward, eyes wide. “No I don’t know. Tell me everything.”

“Jo!” Wilma hissed.

Sera took a sip of her beer and shook her head. “I have to keep some air of authority over here.”

“Believe me. The more I learn here tonight, the more I respect you.”

Sera laughed. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

“Take it well,” Harry offered, raising his beer can and tilting it towards her. “Pack bonding, right?”

“Pack bonding!” Olive cheered, holding up her third ‘last beer’ of the night.

“Was it recently?” Jo asked, leaning in.

“Jo!” Wilma hissed, scandalized.

“I don’t know. Just thought I’d ask when I could. When do I get the chance? Wait, can you even date? Is that, like, a thing Betas can do? And what about Alphas? Wilma, can you date now that you’re Gamma?”

“Yes.” Wilma sighed. “I could date. I don’t want to, though.”

“Same for me,” Sera added.

“Really? Not at all?” Jo was surprised.

“I have my art and all y’all.” Wilma gestured to the group. “And Beta Seraphine has the pack and Alpha Parisa, right?” She smiled at Sera.

“Right,” Sera replied, throat suddenly feeling tight as her heart rate increased at the thought of Parisa. She stuffed her feelings down the best she could so nothing would show on her face. “I have all of you, so why would I bother?”

Jo shrugged. “I don’t know. Just thought it could get lonely, but I guess it’s hard to get lonely in a house filled with twelve other people.”

Sera laughed, the sound strained, and nodded in agreement. The tension from the rest of the pack seemed to lighten as everyone breathed a sigh of relief that the conversation hadn’t gotten too awkward. The game continued, but her attention was elsewhere. She kept glancing between Wilma and Parisa’s office door and wondering what, if anything, she had let on. Regardless, she was going to have to be careful until these feelings faded with time.

A heavy knock on the front door silenced the room. Sera stood, wondering who could be at their home this late in the night.

Opening the door, she was surprised to see Clyde’s Beta, Gabriel, standing there, hair wet from misty mountain rain. His eyes were wide and his normal smile was gone. “I need to speak with Alpha Parisa.”

“She’s not home. Maybe I can help you,” Sera offered. “Do you want to come inside and dry off?”

“I really need to speak with her. Clyde — Alpha Clyde just heard about everything and wants to confirm —”

“He knows what’s going on with Parisa? What is it? Did he tell you?”

“You don’t know, do you? It’s not my place to tell. You should hear it from her.”

“She won’t tell me anything. Please, if you know —”

“I really shouldn’t.” Gabriel’s expression was serious. “When she’s back you need to talk to her.”

“I can’t wait that long. If something is bad enough that Alpha Clyde is concerned, then it’s something I need to know about.” Sera clenched her hands at her sides.

Gabriel backed down the steps. He shook his head. “I’m not the person to tell you. Wait for Alpha Parisa.” He dipped his head as a goodbye and disappeared back into the night.

Sera stood at the open door, fingers gripping the wood. She had no idea when Parisa would be home, but this time when she waited for her, there was no chance she’d fall asleep. She slammed the door shut and went straight to Parisa’s office where she’d sit, or more likely pace, until her Alpha was home.

In the hours right before dawn, the office door creaked open. Parisa walked in wearing dirty, wet loose clothing, her hair a mess, looking nothing like her normal self. She froze in place when she noticed Sera.

“Gabriel was here. Alpha Clyde wants to speak with you. What is going on?” Sera demanded.

“I’m handling it,” Parisa replied, voice weak with exhaustion.

“No.” Sera wasn’t backing down. “I understand that we all keep our secrets, but you aren’t you lately!”

Parisa clenched her fists, eyes flashing amber. “I’m who I need to be.”

“And who the hell is that? Because I don’t think you’ve been who this pack needs these past few days. Weeks, even. Where have you been? What are you doing?”

Darkness swept across Parisa’s face. “I need to be this way. I’m this pack’s Alpha. I can’t do anything if I’m weak.”

“How is being approachable weak? How is having an hour to chat being weak?”

“It’s not who I need to be.”

“Why? It’s worked for us for decades I don’t get why —”

“There’s a challenger! It’s that new Alpha. He’s challenged me to a duel for control of this pack.”

The ground dropped out beneath Sera’s feet. Her knees felt weak. It was hard to breathe. Duels were a thing of the past, especially in Hickorywood. It’d been decades since the last one.

“What?” Sera sputtered in disbelief. “When? How?”

“He made his intentions clear early, but he made it official during the full moon. He made sure to remind me while we were there. I’m taking care of it. I’ve been preparing.”

“I know you can handle everything but, Pari, we’re all here for you. And if you can’t trust everyone else, then at least trust that I am here for you.”

Parisa glanced away and crossed her arms, holding herself tight. “A duel must be faced alone.”

“Sure, when you’re in the middle of it. But now? In the weeks before? Why would you pull away? You know we’re all stronger together.”

“This is different. You know it is. I need to prepare alone. Stop trying to convince both of us otherwise.”

“The health, safety, and reputation of the pack comes before all else,” Sera repeated Parisa’s favorite rule, her tongue sharp as she said it.

“What do you think I’m doing if not that?”

“I know that’s what you’re doing, but what should the rest of us be doing? Are we supposed to do nothing? Are we supposed to be there for one another, but not you?”

“A duel is different.”

“A duel is just another obstacle that we take on as a pack.”

“How have you forgotten what it was like when every Alpha male thought he could take my tiny pack from me?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Sera replied, knowing Parisa was partially right. She could recall the time right after she came back from being lost to the wolf, but it was with the same foggy recollection that she remembered her family. All she knew well was what they had now.

“I face it alone.” Parisa’s tone chilled Sera to the bone and shut her lips tight. “This pack rests on my shoulders more than anyone else’s and I bear that weight proudly. Everything I do is for all of you. I’ve made plans. I’m ready.”

“Plans?”

“If I lose —”

“Don’t.”

“If I lose, those who choose not to remain with him I would hope would follow you, with Wilma as your Beta.”

“You won’t lose. He’s new. He’s nothing.”

“He’s becoming unhinged. He respects Clyde enough to keep it tamed. The moment he’s around me, though, everything changes. The wolf can claim him whenever it wants. He’ll allow it. There’s no telling what he is capable of.”

“You won’t lose.” Sera repeated, voice shaking as her body trembled.

“I don’t plan on losing, but I’ve prepared for every eventuality. You are a part of that.”

“I’m not an Alpha. I can’t lead us!” Tears stung the back of Sera’s eyes.

Parisa pressed a warm hand to her chin and gently lifted her head. “You are an Alpha in everything but status. How have you not seen it all these years?”

“A pack needs an Alpha, a real Alpha.”

“Your years of being lost to the wolf. Does that not make you think of anything? Have you never considered that the Alpha form chose you then? Your years of struggling. You won in the end.”

Sera was thrown back in time to her first moments of clarity after she was turned. The wolf was so strong and terrifying then. It had taken her years to tame it. She was weak. She had lost to the wolf. There was no way. She whispered, “I’m not an Alpha.”

“I think you could’ve been. I think you still are in some ways. When an Alpha forms and the human side fails to tame it, every wolf knows it’s assured death by one means or another. But you? You’re here.”

“I’m not an Alpha.”

“And you can cling to that if you need to, but I know in my heart that you’ve considered this, too. Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. And if that wasn’t enough, your racing pulse tells me the rest.”

“I’m not.”

“Not now. I don’t think it will ever take hold like that again. The opportunity has passed, but I believe without a shred of doubt that, if you were faced with that transformation again, you would emerge even stronger than you are now.”

“None of that matters. You won’t lose.”

“I don’t plan on it, but the pack comes before all else and that includes planning for the worst, no matter how impossible it may seem right now.”

“We’re here for you.”

“Tell no one.”

“But the pack should —”

“Do you trust me?”

For the first time, Sera faltered when responding to that.

“Do you trust me?” Parisa asked again.

Sera nodded, unable to find words.

“Then tell no one. I will tell Wilma the evening of the challenge, but no sooner, and no one else.”

fourteen

The coffee was hot, the tea was fragrant, the fire was roaring on a chilly autumn night, and Parisa was finally sitting across from Sera, exactly where she should be.

As Parisa talked, Sera drummed her fingers along the side of her coffee cup, jumping at every little sound around the house.

“I seriously cannot handle Clemente anymore.” Parisa took another sip of tea. “I counted how many times he interrupted me today. Seven! Seven times. He thinks he’s so great just because he’s a million years older than anyone else." She raised her cup to her lips again. “Truthfully, he’s far better than he used to be, but that’s not saying a lot.”

Sera tried to listen but her skin was hot as anxiety simmered inside of her. Silence stretched between them as Parisa turned her attention back to her tea.

Sera sat with her feelings until she couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you really not worried about it?”

Parisa set down her tea cup with a clatter. She took her time folding her hands neatly in her lap before looking directly at Sera. “The worry consumes me. It’s been decades — longer — since I handled a duel, but I’m not going to fall apart.” She leaned forward, maintaining eye contact. “And it’s so much easier now that you share this burden, too.”

“But there’s nothing I can do to help.”

“I feel immensely better knowing that someone else knows — that you, in particular, know. It’s not that the problem has magically disappeared like I wish it would, but it’s better. I should have told you sooner, if not for my sake then at least so you could mentally prepare for whatever happens.”

Sera wasn’t sure if she meant preparing for being at the duel or preparing for the worst case scenario, but she didn’t want to talk about either, so she didn’t ask. She shifted in her seat and tried to sip her coffee, but her hands shook when she picked up her mug. Sera cast her eyes down to the floor, lamenting how useless she really was in this situation.

“Do I ask too much of you?” Parisa asked.

“No, not at all. Of course not.” Sera looked up in a panic. She couldn’t be more of a burden than she already was. “If anything, I wish I could do more.”

Parisa stared at her, features soft, eyes a bit watery. “I promise, you do more than enough.”

“But I —”

“I made you something,” Parisa interrupted. She picked up a small, opaque container from the side table. “I wanted to thank you for the daisies earlier. I did enjoy them, even if it was much later in the day. They were lovely, azizam.”

Sera managed a tiny smile. Parisa motioned for her to take the container. Peeling open the lid, Sera suppressed a delighted gasp. The large cake slice inside was soaked in a rosy, still-warm syrup. It was decorated beautifully with small rose petals and pistachios arranged meticulously around the edge.

“I must apologize. I baked it more for myself than you. I needed the process of doing it but, aside from the several slices I’ve eaten today, you’re the only other one to get any.” Parisa handed her a dessert fork. “I thought it’d pair well with your coffee.”

Feelings like Sera tried to keep buried rose to the surface. Important, big words danced on her tongue and she looked up at Parisa and wanted to say them, but she kept it all inside. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s a Persian Love Cake. I decorated it just like how I remember my grandmother doing it.”

Sera held the container tighter. Parisa hardly ever spoke about her past. She sealed her lips, stared at the cake, and waited to see if Parisa had more to share.

“I don’t remember a lot. It’s been so long, but there are pieces that stick with me forever, images that come to me sometimes when I smell rosewater. This is one of them.”

“I get the same feeling whenever I get a scent of the sea,” Sera said, voice quivering. “Or whenever I’m around Jo.”

Sera searched Parisa’s face for signs of what was happening below her beautiful exterior.

“You do more for me than I think you know,” Parisa said.

“You saved me, Pari.”

“And you’ve saved me, too, a thousand times.” Parisa leaned over further to pat Sera’s knee. Her hand lingered as she said, “Now do you want to eat that before or after we spar tonight?”

She answered Parisa’s question with another, “How much cake is left?”

“Enough for at least two more slices.”

“Then both. I choose both,” Sera grinned.

Nothing was normal now. Nothing felt right. But if she could be who Parisa needed her to be, then that was enough for her. She didn’t dare hope for anything more.

“No coffee tonight?” Hugh asked with a knowing grin, swirling the wine in his glass.

Sera shook her head. “No coffee tonight. I needed something stronger.”

“There’s whiskey for that.”

“Not even whiskey does anything for my head. I guess I just need the taste, then.”

“What’s on your mind, mon lou lou?”

“So many things, of which I can tell you about very few.”

“Well, that’s no fun.”

Sera gave him the most pitiful look she could manage. She could feel it slipping from feigned concern for show into something real. Hugh’s face softened as it did.

“Anything I can help with?”

“No.” Sera sighed. “Wolf stuff. Big wolf stuff this time, I’m afraid.”

“It wouldn't have anything to do with that spicy little Alpha up at Crooked Creek, would it?”

Sera nearly spat out her wine. “How do you know about that?”

“Please, my dear. Gathering gossip like that is child’s play. Give me some credit. I’ve known for weeks. But what does that have to do with your pack?”

“Nothing I can talk about.”

“Now I’m both interested and worried. Are you sure you can’t tell me?”

Sera shook her head. “Pari has sworn me to secrecy for now.”

“And how are things going on that front?”

Sera raised an eyebrow.

“About some particular feelings?”

Of course he wanted to talk about that. On top of the guilt she already felt for harboring feelings like this for Parisa, she felt worse because she should be focused on the duel, not on how she longed to run her fingers through Parisa’s hair. She’d done a decent job keeping it all below the surface, but there was always a low level concern running through her that Parisa had already seen right past the thin veneer.

“They are properly shoved down deep inside where I will smother them until they die,” she replied with finality.

Hugh gave her a sideways sort of smile. “Is that what you want?”

“It’s what is needed, so yes, it’s what I want.”

“Those can be two very different things, needs and wants.”

“And what I need is for the pack to remain strong, so my wants will always and forever come second — or last.”

Hugh took another sip of wine and sat back in his chair. “I had to fight to put myself first and I don’t think I could live any other way now.” He set down his glass and gave Sera a poignant look. “I killed the witches that made me to serve them. Once I had that taste of freedom, it was so good, but I was lost. It wasn’t until I met Clemente that I realized how good it could be to stop putting everything else before yourself. You can’t draw water from an empty well and you can’t be there for others if you aren’t first there for yourself.”

“I take care of myself,” she said, knowing she was dodging the heart of what he had said.

“I agree. You’re here with me now, aren’t you?”

“I do make time to unload all my problems on you.”

“I’m happy to listen. And tease you some.”

“I’d expect nothing less.”

“Good, because if you don’t do something with those feelings, that little wolf heart of yours is going to burst.”

“I told you, the current strategy for handling feelings is smother and kill.”

“I didn’t want to love Clemente, that obnoxiously wonderful man, and yet here we are.”

“Feelings are terrible.”

“Confusing and delightful.”

Sera thought about the days ahead. “They complicate everything. Hugh, I’m too weak to be who I need to be.”

“Who is it that you need to be?”

“A real Beta, one who’s actually there for her Alpha, not whatever mess I manage every day.”

Sera expected some clever retort, some memory from Hugh’s past delivered as a counterpoint. Instead, she got a simple question, “What does Parisa have to say about all this?”

Sera’s words caught in her throat. She knitted her hands together in her lap. “She doesn’t agree with me in the slightest.”

“She’s a wise one, that Alpha of yours.”

“I’m just worried that because I’m not enough that she’ll — I can’t tell you, but everything could be over. We could lose everything.”

Silence gripped the small space between them as the gravity of the situation seemed to take hold. Sera watched Hugh’s face for any indication of what he was thinking, but of course, he was as calm and collected as ever. The only give away was a gentleness in his gaze.

He rested his palm on top of Sera’s hand. “I sincerely hope nothing that makes you look this scared ever happens. I may not know what’s going on but, so help me, if anyone causes you this much grief, I know they have your pack to deal with, but they also have to contend with me.”

“Run with me tonight?” Parisa paced across the floor in her office. The duel was the following night and tension was thick in the air.

Sera nodded, eager to shed this skin and be her wolf.

They hurried to the back door to let the night swallow their concerns. They shifted not far from the house and Sera kept checking to make sure no one could see her from the windows and turned her back to Parisa. Having Parisa this close was enough to make her skin feel on fire. She knew her pale skin was dotted with pink, blushy splotches. Her heart hammered in her chest in the seconds before the shift and she felt selfish to be so excited given the circumstances that led them here.

Parisa growled behind her. Sera turned to find Parisa playfully baring her teeth. Her Alpha dug her feet into the ground, and took off running. Sera bounded after her, joy rushing through her in waves as she chased Parisa in the moonlight.

When they reached the edge of the woods, Parisa stopped, spun around, and tackled Sera, who yelped and tried to squirm free. Parisa licked her face and sprang back, fleeing into the forest with Sera right on her heels.

They raced through the thick forest, climbing up the old, low mountains near their home. Parisa kept disappearing into the trees only to reemerge in time to launch an attack. Sera would try to dodge, but she didn’t mind when Parisa pinned her to the ground either. Hearing Parisa’s lighthearted yips and seeing the liveliness in her amber eyes was the gift that Sera had needed for so many days.

The trees around them started to thin as they reached the low peak that overlooked the pack house and Hickorywood beyond it. Her legs and lungs burned as they dashed the last several feet, and when they stopped she couldn’t resist the chance to catch Parisa unaware and tackle her.

Parisa whined as her back hit the ground and she feigned trying to break free. Sera knew Parisa could shake her off in a second, but she didn't. Sera dipped her head low and nuzzled into the soft fur around Parisa’s neck, gently biting her to signal her victory. Parisa’s whine grew louder, but she no longer squirmed beneath Sera’s paw.

Parisa nipped at her neck. Sera closed her eyes and buried her muzzle deeper into chestnut brown fur and breathed in the scent of her Alpha drenched in the smell of the forest. Her mind grew fuzzy as she filled her senses with Parisa, saturating her lungs with her scent, her ears with the soft sounds of her panting.

A twig cracked somewhere behind them and Sera snapped out of her trance. She leapt back from Parisa and turned towards the source of the sound, only to find a passing deer who seemed to think better of being near two large wolves and ran into the woods.

Parisa stood and walked towards the edge of a nearby cliff, staring down at the view below. She was gorgeous in the moonlight, and Sera knew that the only place she should be right now, no matter how her emotions warred inside of her, was by her Alpha’s side.

Now, at the duel, and every day after, Sera knew where she belonged.

fifteen

Sera followed Parisa in silence. Her heart pounded in strange, staccato beats during the long walk to the clearing deep in the forest that hadn’t been used for an Alpha duel in decades.

Jason was there at the other end, his hair pointing at wild angles, a smug look on his face. His witness was with him, presumably another wolf from Crooked Creek though Sera couldn’t place him. He had to be a younger wolf because she knew all the others well. It made sense, though. The majority of the pack, especially those who had been with him for decades, would be loyal to Clyde and not to Jason.

“Old rules or new rules?” Jason shouted.

Sera shuddered at the fact that he would even consider such a thing.

Parisa stood up straight and squared her shoulders. She looked him dead in the eye. “New. We left the old ways behind in the past where they belong.”

Jason grinned but it was a terrible, wicked thing. “Some things are meant to be kept. We toss them away without thinking what we’ve lost.”

“And what have we lost that’s so important?”

“The ability to be stronger than wolves, better, more wild and free than even they can hope to be. But we’ve chained ourselves to human laws and, for what? The chance to sell them something? Live where they live? We gain nothing.”

“You’re too young to know what the past was like for us.”

“Enough!” Jason seethed at the comment. “Your words won’t serve you now, only your teeth and your claws.”

“And my mind.”

“Pit your mind against my strength and we’ll see who’s victorious.”

“The baseless confidence of youth.”

The two stared at one another, neither moving to make any preparations for the duel. Parisa’s shoulders were rising and falling rapidly with the quick tempo of her breaths. She stood firm without blinking. Sera felt pride swell in her chest along with the adoration that had taken root in her heart. Fear was still there, but it was quieter now.

Jason was the first to turn his back to transform. When Parisa turned on her heels, she was wearing a sharp smile, full of power and self-assurance. Sera stared at her and couldn’t find a single word to say around the lump in her throat. Instead, she took a deep breath, and nodded at her Alpha.

“He is nothing to me,” Parisa growled.

A shiver ran up Sera’s back. “You are everything to me. And the pack. You fight alone but we’re all with you. I’m with you.”

Parisa wrapped her arms around Sera’s shoulders and hugged her, tight enough to squeeze the breath from her lungs.

They parted. Parisa’s demeanor shifted. She tilted her chin up and stood proud. “I will win.”

Sera didn’t usually watch Parisa transform, but this time she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She gazed at what she hadn’t let herself see, her eyes following the curves of Parisa’s body, drawn to the tight cords of muscle that lay beneath her olive skin. She was beautiful. She was a force to be reckoned with.

Parisa’s wolf emerged, her transition perfected after ages of practice. Her tail flicked. She growled, the sound low and rumbling, then turned, standing her ground at the edge of the cleared circle.

Sera expected some circling around, reading one another, but that wasn’t the case. Jason lunged for Parisa, teeth bared and snarling. Parisa couldn’t dodge his first onslaught, but took it without being knocked to the ground. She kept her footing and tried to use it to pin him to the ground, but Jason refused to go down.

She’d thought that Parisa would have taken him down in one go, proving how foolish he was. But they were more equally matched than she’d hoped.

Jason lunged at her again. This time Parisa didn’t try to dodge. She stood firm and took the brunt of his attack but still remained on all four paws and showed no signs of injury.

Once more Jason came at her, and Parisa dodged to the side at the last moment to make her first move. She sprung into action, leaping at him when he attempted to reorient himself after a failed attack. She managed to nip his ear but he flung her off like she was nothing.

Each time, Jason was the first to attack.

Parisa dodged and defended or attempted to attack. Her feet started to skid a little more along the ground. Her legs buckled beneath her more than once after Jason hurled another attack in her direction. She was counter-attacking when she could but from the start it was clear that she was on the defensive.

Worry gnawed away at Sera’s stomach. Parisa had to have a plan. She had to.

Jason’s attacks didn’t let up. He showed no signs of slowing or burning through stamina. Unlike Parisa, he was firm on his feet and more aggressive with each passing second. He fought like he was trying to kill.

When Parisa hit the ground with a thud, Sera felt it in her chest. Parisa sprung back up, but the milliseconds she was on the ground were the most terrified Sera had felt in ages. The way Jason bounded towards her body with hate in his eyes made her feel helpless to stop whatever was happening.

The longer they fought, the more blood dripped onto the ground below. Some of it was Jason’s. More of it was Parisa’s. Their surface wounds healed instantly, but the deeper ones remained open, spilling on the ground and marking the clearing with signs of their struggle.

Parisa dug her back paws into the ground and lunged at Jason’s throat, claws tearing into his sides as she tried to pin him to the ground. Jason yelped, the sound melting into a fierce growl as he turned back towards her. But Parisa was already preparing another attack.

Sera shuddered, a wave of intense fear and nausea rolling through her. She shook where she stood, but tried to look strong in front of Jason’s witness. Parisa wouldn't want her to show weakness, no matter how much her heart was racing and sweat was dripping down her back.

The world sharpened around her. She could smell the forest in all its richness, could smell the blood on the ground, could hear her own heart beat like a heavy drum in her ears. She knew this feeling. The wolf was coming to the surface. Sera shoved her back inside, but there was no denying she was clawing to get out.

Jason yelped as his back hit the ground and Parisa sunk her teeth into his side. He righted himself, flinging Parisa off. Whatever Parisa had over him in years and experience, he made up for with sheer hatred.

Parisa’s back hit the ground. Jason lunged for her throat. His teeth sunk in as Parisa yelped, straining to shake him off.

Sera’s wolf broke free. Remnants of her ripped clothes dangled from her body as she rushed in to throw him off of Parisa. Jason’s witness yelled, but Sera wasn’t listening. She barrelled into Jason with every ounce of her strength, and he flew off to the side. In a second he was back on his feet, spitting and growling with blood on his teeth, but Sera stood between him and Parisa.

Jason’s witness ran into the clearing. “Get her out of here!” He screamed. “The duel ends with no victor! We will do this again when this Alpha finds a better Beta than this trash who has no respect for traditions.”

The gravity of what Sera had just done hit her.

Slowly she turned around to look at Parisa, knowing she would find only anger, not gratitude.

Sera ducked her head low and refused to look up any more. Jason’s second was still speaking, but Sera couldn’t understand any of it. All she could feel was Parisa’s eyes on her, making the skin beneath her fur hot as shame and guilt washed over her.

Sera ran. She took off into the woods running away from both the clearing and the pack house. She ran until her lungs heaved with the need for breath and her legs collapsed beneath her.

Eventually she made it back into the house and snuck inside in her wolf form, ignoring the worried glances of her packmates and rushed up to her room to catch her breath and think about what she’d done.

There was nothing to say. She couldn’t defend her actions. Sera had acted out of fear.

The transition back to her human self hurt worse than usual, as though her entire body was resisting the change. Sera understood. She wanted to stay as the wolf, too. The wolf didn’t have to try to explain her feelings. The wolf had instincts and acted on them.

Sera had foolish emotions and acted on them.

She flopped down at the edge of her bed, wanting to cry but nothing came. Her stomach turned, guilt and confusion warring within her.

She had proved that she was not good enough to be Parisa’s Beta, let alone love her. Sera didn’t deserve her in any way.

Her fate was sealed. With her head down, skin hot with shame, she walked to Parisa’s study and waited. There was no use in hiding. The least she could do would be to face her Alpha with a shred of whatever pride she had left.

“You’re alright.” Sera jumped to her feet the moment Parisa limped through her study door.

“Why are you here?” Parisa snarled, heaving her worn body onto an uncomfortable wooden chair by the door. It creaked as she slid down into it, wounds already healed.

“I needed to wait for you. I needed to tell you I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? That’s what you have to say? A child’s apology? You made me look weak.” Parisa’s words dripped with anger.

“I’m sorry,” Sera repeated, voice cracking. “That wasn’t what I meant to do.”

“Who cares what you intended? Your impulsiveness means this whole nasty business has to start again.” Parisa stood in front of Sera, her form imposing and intimidating as if her wolf was still in control. “Maybe next time Wilma should stand beside me at the challenge. Not you.”

The last of Sera’s heart split in two. She cast her eyes down on the floor. “I think that’s for the best.”

Parisa laughed, the sound dark and joyless. “So where’s all your bite now, huh? Just like that you’ll bow your head and be done with it? Give up?”

“Yes. I will make amends for my choices as much as I can. I can’t go back and undo it, but going forward I can —”

“Why did you do it? Why did you jump in to save me? Did you think I would fall to him?”

“No! Never!” Sera shouted, her head snapping up so her eyes could meet Parisa’s. That hadn’t been it. Not really.

“Then why did you do it?” The fury in Parisa’s body was coming off her in waves that made the air thick and hard to breathe.

“I don’t know.”

“You cast doubt on my authority and capability in front of a challenger and you don’t know why?”

Sera kept her head bowed as hot tears prickled the backs of her eyes. “I don’t know,” she said again, repeating it like some foolish mantra to keep the truth from spilling out.

“Get out,” Parisa ordered.

Sera left with her head down.

sixteen

There was no need to rush out of bed. There was no meeting with Parisa, just like there hadn’t been yesterday or the day before. The meetings were still happening, of course, but only Wilma joined Parisa in her study. Parisa hadn’t explicitly told her to not come, but her voice saying “get out” still played in Sera’s mind on repeat.

With a heavy sigh, she managed to sit up, but it was another long while before she put both feet on the floor and stood. Going about her day felt pointless, but she didn’t want to disappoint everyone or Parisa even more than she already had.

Her plants were wilting. She’ll deal with them later. She didn’t have the spare energy.

She kept her head down as she rushed through the hallways to the kitchen. Her appetite was minimal, but she still needed to eat if she was going to remain upright at the bakery. Once she set foot in the kitchen, all conversation ceased.

Diah gave her a little wave. “Good morning, Beta,” she said in that soft, sweet voice of hers.

“Good morning,” Sera replied with the best fake smile she could muster.

She turned to Olive, desperate to make this feel more normal. “How did your exams go? Have you gotten your scores back yet?”

Olive nodded. “Did well enough. It’s my third masters. I should be pretty good at taking tests by now.”

Diah’s gaze flittered between them both, her mouth tilted downwards with obvious concern.

“Have either of you seen my — oh hey, Beta.” Lock stopped short, eyes wide with surprise. “I was just looking — not here, I’ll check elsewhere.” He rocked back and forth on his feet. “I’ll see you later. I’m taking over with Wil when you’re done.”

Sera nodded in his direction and gave a quick goodbye to each of them, leaving without any food after all. Her stomach was twisted in knots. Wilma was taking over in far more than shifts. She was what the pack needed. She was what the pack deserved.

Sera was a ghost at the bakery. She did her best but she was haunting the place with her strange mood and the way she felt like she was floating outside of herself. She dealt with customers the best she could.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” she asked the woman on the other side of the counter.

“Two of the pear and sage tarts, please.”

It took Sera longer than it should have to make sense of her words, but she was able to handle the order, and the next. She took extra time to arrange each tart in the little violet box and tie each closed with a soft, silver ribbon. It was unnecessary, especially when they were eating in the shop, but Sera needed the routine of it. She needed the chance to feel like she’d made something beautiful instead of ruining everything.

She’d even let down Hugh. She hadn’t followed through on any of their plans to meet in days and he was being kind and giving her space.

After her shift, she had no plans, so she dragged her feet up the path to the house.

Jo smacked into Sera and started apologizing, but once they realized who it was, they stopped talking and drew Sera in for a tight hug.

“You don’t have to tell anyone what’s wrong. You just need a hug,” Jo whispered, their hair tickling Sera’s ear. “I really hope I didn’t just make things weird.”

Stunned, Sera gave them a little hug in return. It was nothing like the vice grip around her own waist, but it was nice.

“Not weird, I promise,” Sera said. “Thank you. I did need a hug.” Sera’s voice cracked and she closed her mouth up tight to keep anything else from pouring out.

With another squeeze, Jo let her go. “If I wasn’t incredibly late, I’d stick around but —”

“Go ahead. Don’t worry about me.”

“I will, though. And that’s fine.” Jo grinned and waved goodbye, dashing down the path towards the bakery. “Don’t forget we’re all here for you!”

Sera waved at their back and stood there feeling odd but warm in the sunshine.

She made it as far as the front door before deciding she couldn’t do it. She needed more room to breathe and the house was stifling. The outdoors felt better for now. She slumped into a deck chair on the back porch, but all she could think about was how, in the summer months when it was too hot for the fire, she’d sit out here with Parisa while the cicadas hummed.

The back door opened. Sera tensed and gripped the arms of the chair. For a split second she thought it might be Parisa before she smelled Wilma and heard the distinct pattern of her feet on the deck boards. She was both instantly relieved and disappointed. Somewhere in her heart, she was hoping for the chance for Parisa to come to her so she wouldn't have to be the one.

Wilma said nothing as she came around the back of Sera’s chair and sat beside her in another deck chair. From the corner of her eye, Sera glanced over. Wilma had brought a book and was flipping back to the page she was on.

Sera drummed her fingers on the chair arm and followed one racing thought after the other. She was the one who had screwed up. It was her job to be the one to talk to Parisa first, but she couldn’t imagine doing it, not after the way Parisa had yelled at her with such anger in her eyes — justifiable anger, at that.

Throughout their years of running the pack, Sera had always been chasing after Parisa, trying to keep up with what was expected of her. Times changed and Sera tried to change with them. The pack grew, but with each new member added it became clear that Parisa had picked a Beta too soon. If she had waited, she could have gotten someone better than her.

She felt a bead of sweat roll down the nape of her neck despite the chill in the air. Everything around her had sharpened — the colors of the leaves, the sound of Wilma turning pages, the many smells of the packhouse behind her. She could feel the itch to run surging through her body. The wolf wanted to emerge. Frustrated with herself, Sera suppressed it. As much as she wanted to be the wolf now, it wasn’t the answer to any of her problems.

“I messed up,” she said, voice shaky.

Wilma took her time closing her book. “I know.”

“Does the pack know what happened?”

“Not the details, no. They’ve gathered that something happened between you and Parisa and everyone is worried about both of you.”

“You should be Beta, not me.”

“That’s not how this works.”

Sera stared at the forest that surrounded their home. “I don’t know how we could change it, but we’d all be better off with you.”

“That’s not what I think and that’s not what Alpha Parisa thinks either.”

“She already said it should be you that stands beside her at the next duel.”

“That might be true, but she misses you.”

“That’s impossible. You didn’t see how angry she was.”

“And now she’s miserable, too.” Wilma sighed. “You two have been together as Alpha and Beta for so long. You can make it through to the other side of this.”

“No I can’t. We can’t. Not this time.” Sera’s heart sank as she spoke aloud what she’d feared the most.

“Not alone, no. But together you can.”

Sera shook her head. “It’s not about what’s best for me, but what’s best for the pack. I’m not what’s best for the pack anymore.”

“I don’t think a lick of that is true, but I know I can’t change your mind.”

The back door creaked open. Harry stood there with a sheepish look on his face. “Beta Seraphine, there’s a vampire here for you.”

At the front door, Hugh was waiting with two coffees in disposable cups. “Sometimes I know what you need more than you do.”

She took the coffee from his outreached hand. “I don’t deserve this. Or you.”

“You deserve the world, mon lou lou. Now let’s walk and work through this.”

“I’m afraid the more I talk, the more I’ll fall apart.” She glanced over at him as they took their first step away from the house. “How much do you already know?”

Hugh took a long sip of his coffee. “I know that your dear Alpha has been challenged.”

Sera choked on air and whipped her head to the side.

“Don’t be so surprised. It’s big news and word spread quickly once some of your younger members figured it out, too. Though, even before that, I’d guessed from how you spoke about what was happening. I thought, what on earth could she not tell me about? I admit it’s not a topic I know a lot about, but I’ve gathered from her and chats with Clemente about what it was like in the past.”

“I ruined everything.”

“How?”

“Hugh, I —” Sera looked back to see how far away they were from the house.

“If you want to talk around it, that’s fine by me.”

Sera took her first sip of coffee. It tasted of warm vanilla and spicy cinnamon. “I did something that Parisa is rightfully furious with me about. I made her look weak when she is anything but that.”

“Have you two spoken much since?”

“Once and it was terrible. I’m not cut out to be her Beta.”

“But you are.”

“Only because she didn’t wait long enough for better options.”

“Why did you want to be Beta all those years ago?”

Sera didn’t want to dig into the past now, but Hugh looked at her in a way that pulled the words out of her. “I wanted to be there for Parisa as she built the pack she dreamed of, as she grew the bakery from just us in our kitchen to so much more. I was endlessly proud that she asked me, but times were different then.”

“I’ve lived long enough to know that people don’t change all that drastically, no matter what they believe — for better or for worse. If you were her best pick then, those same reasons she chose you are still true now.”

“But what I’ve done is unforgivable.”

Hugh stopped and waited for Sera to look up at him before he spoke. “Isn’t that for Parisa to decide? You need to talk to her.”

“I can’t.”

“Why did you do it?”

Sera pinched her lips together. Admitting this out loud was going to be harder than anything. “I was scared for her. I didn’t act on reason. It was all impulse.”

“Why?”

“Because I love her.”

“Then you need to talk to her.”

Sera clutched a pair of white daisies in her fist. She raised her hand to knock on Parisa’s office door, but before her knuckles touched the wood, there was a call from inside, “Come in.”

Sera took a steadying breath and stepped inside, willing her legs to stop shaking as she did. Parisa was sitting at her desk, leaning back, her hands tucked neatly in her lap. Her mouth was a tight, thin line.

“Hi.” She placed the daisies on Parisa’s desk. “I brought you flowers and a much needed explanation.”

Parisa said nothing. Her eyes tracked Sera as she stepped around the room, wondering what to do with herself. She made several false starts before she shoved her body down in her usual chair across from Parisa.

“Just daisies today.” Her voice sounded strange in her ears. She glanced at Parisa and her heart started racing. Her mouth moved without her permission. “Emmaline said these could mean ‘I’m thinking of you.’ They show attachment. Which is all to say — I don’t know what I want to say. Just that I miss you and I’m sorry. I’ve done nothing but think about this over and over and I want to tell you why I did that horrible thing.”

“Why you made me look weak in front of my challenger?”

Sera dropped her head briefly. “Yes.”

Parisa tented her fingers in front of her chin. “By all means, enlighten me.”

“It wasn’t because I thought you would lose. It wasn’t because I thought you were weak. I never thought you were weak. He’s nothing compared to you.” Now that she was sitting in front of Parisa, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything of the things she’d imagined while she was in the greenhouse. She knew it would be hard, but now it was impossible.

She kept rambling. “I thought I owed it to you to tell you why, but it’s not an excuse. My behavior was inexcusable. I know that, too. It was never my intention to make you seem weak.”

“I never assumed you had bad intentions.”

“You didn’t?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I was furious — I still am — but I’ve known you too long to think ill of you.”

The words lifted Sera’s spirits for half a second before the weight of what she had to say came crashing down on her. Despite everything, Parisa still thought the best of her and now Sera was going to have to reveal everything that made her too weak to be the Beta of her pack by Parisa’s side.

“You should, though. I don’t have a reason for why I did what I did.”

“Then why are you here? You told me you had an explanation.”

Sera gripped the fabric of her pants tight within her balled up fists. “I can’t tell you why.”

Parisa let out an exasperated sigh. Her eyes narrowed. “If I matter to you at all, I’m begging for your honesty.”

“I don’t want to tell you like this. I thought the flowers would help, but this feels all wrong.”

“Tell me what?”

Sera stood. The chair creaked as it skidded along the wood floor. “Please, can I talk to you another time? When I have the right words? When I haven’t made such a fool of myself and —”

“I need to know now or I will assume the worst when I play this over and over again in my mind and try to come up with my own explanations.”

“I can’t explain it!” Sera clenched her hands into tight fists. “The wolf took over. I saw you being hurt and I couldn’t control myself. I’m weak, too weak to handle this, any of this!”

Parisa stood, circling her desk and coming nearer. “Why did the wolf take over?”

Sera’s bottom lip trembled. She covered her face with her hands. “I told you, I’m weak! I was weak when you found me and I’m weak now, too. I haven’t changed.”

“No, you haven’t.”

Sera felt her body shaking with sobs she trapped inside.

“And for that I’m grateful.”

“What?” Sera dropped her hands and stared at her Alpha.

“Seraphine.” The fight had drained from Parisa’s eyes. “I will ask again and I want to know, truly want to know, why you stepped in. Even if you’re not sure, tell me what you’re thinking. I can see the storm behind your eyes. Why did the wolf emerge?”

“I told you. It’s because I’m weak.”

“You’re not weak.”

“I don’t know.”

“Please, tell me.” Parisa’s voice broke as she spoke.

“Not like this.”

“Why? What is it? Sera, if you don’t tell me I can’t help you. If something’s wrong —”

Even after everything she’d done to Parisa and the pack, her Alpha was worried about her. Sera choked on a sob and this time she couldn’t hold it back. “The wolf took over because I saw you get hurt and it set something off inside of me, something I couldn’t contain because I — are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes.”

Sera’s heart was thunder in her chest. Her mouth was dry. She closed her eyes and had to force out every syllable. “Because I love you and it made me act foolishly and dangerously. And I’m sorry. I’ll never speak of this again. I just hope you don’t think less of me after I —”

Parisa cradled Sera’s face between her palms. Sera gasped. She opened her eyes, mouth wide open in shock. Parisa’s green eyes flickered, watery in the dim lighting.

Sera’s lip trembled. “Please don’t think less of me now.”

Parisa shut her eyes and brought their lips together. Sera melted into the touch, her body shaking with the force of her surprise and want swirling together in her chest.

Hope flooded her body, making her fingertips and toes tingle. She was floating and the only thing tethering her to this earth was Parisa’s hands on her skin, and her warm, soft lips touching her own. Her hands shook as she placed them on Parisa’s waist. Parisa gasped against her skin. Decades had led to this moment without Sera realizing it. All the pieces were fitting together.

Parisa pulled back and Sera chased after her, not ready for it to be over. Her eyes fluttered open and she expected to see some of this elation reflected in Parisa’s eyes, but they were dark and empty.

Parisa stroked Sera’s cheek with her thumb. “Seraphine, I have always loved you. But this can never happen.” She fell into the crook of Sera’s neck, her lips brushing against her skin and whispered, “It will never happen.”

Parisa let go of her and took several steps backwards. The chasm between them was wider than ever. “The pack comes first, always. I am not allowed to have everything I want. Alphas and Betas are never involved and there are too many reasons why. Sera, I —” Her voice cracked. “It gets easier to stifle how you feel with time.”

Parisa bowed her head, eyes trained on the floor, and left her study, closing the door with a harsh thud behind her.

Sera stood in the center of the room, stunned from having everything she’d dreamed of ripped away the second she had it. She brought her hand up to her lips. They still held the memory of Parisa’s soft touch, but that’s all it would be forever.

seventeen

Sera walked around the pack house like a newborn foal on shaky legs. Days had passed since Parisa kissed her and the tension in the house had eased. Parisa was talking to her again, but Sera couldn’t force herself to fit into her same routine. Again she felt like she was mourning a life that didn’t get to exist. In some other universe there was a Sera who got to kiss Parisa whenever she wanted and they didn’t have to dance around one another pretending like they both didn’t know how the other felt.

It was a welcome distraction to walk out to see three of her packmates in a circle in the hallway playing rock, paper, scissors. Lock and Harry were howling with laughter as they chose the same thing several times in a row. Diah walked up beside them.

“You both have a pattern,” Diah pointed out.

“No, I don’t!” Harry laughed, throwing out scissors the same time Lock did.

“I think I figured yours out. Let’s go again.” He readied his arm but turned to see Sera at the last second. He stood up straighter. “Hey there, Beta.”

“Good to see you all in high spirits,” Sera said.

“We’re letting fate decide who has to cover for Olive tonight during late shift,” Harry explained.

Diah grinned and waggled her eyebrows. “She’s got a date tonight.”

Sera perked up. “Do we know who with?”

Diah shook her head. “Some mystery person that she’s apparently seen more than once already. Olive’s too good at keeping secrets.”

“There’s no secrets in a pack house,” Lock said with a grin. He glanced at Sera so quickly she nearly missed it, but it worried her all the same.

“Oh yeah, then who is Olive dating?” Harry asked.

Lock looked smug. “Pick up enough of her shifts and you’ll know who comes looking for her.”

“Wait.” Diah’s eyes opened wider. “You actually know?” She grasped Lock’s arm, pleading. “You have to tell me everything. Living room. Now.” She started pulling him away. “Harry, you’re coming, too.”

Sera watched them leave and waited until their happy chatter had faded before sneaking into the kitchen. She was glad to find it empty, but the moment she poured her coffee she wished for more pack gossip as a distraction. She wrapped her hands around her mug and drank it all in a few big gulps. She was going to Parisa’s office early — without flowers. Those didn’t feel right anymore. But she still wanted a chance to talk to her Alpha about nothing in particular and for it to feel somewhat normal before Wilma arrived.

She made it as far as Parisa’s door before that hope was dashed.

Parisa flew out of her study, looking frazzled. She nearly crashed into Sera, but caught herself with one hand on Sera’s shoulder. Sera jumped at the sudden contact and Parisa retracted her hand like she’d been burnt.

“Sorry, didn’t see you.” Parisa sounded out of breath.

“Aren’t we meeting this afternoon?”

“Not today. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Something came up. And we don’t need to meet every day, do we?” She smiled, but it looked out of place on her otherwise strained features. “I know we’re on the same page.”

“Sure. I guess we don’t.”

“Great!” She lifted her hand as if to pat Sera on the shoulder, but pulled it back at the last second. “I will see you later, then.”

“See you.”

Sera realized that she had no idea where Parisa was going. She used to know the ins and outs of her schedule. They were friendly again, but the wall between them was there. It’d taken on a new shape, but it was back and more impenetrable than ever. Parisa was keeping herself and the pack safe by keeping Sera at arm’s length.

Sera looked at her hands and wondered what to do with her sudden free time.

She tried to read the book Edgar had dropped off outside her bedroom door the other night, but found it hard to focus. She’d skim a page only to have no idea what she’d just pretended to read.

Edgar walked back into the house and through the den on his way to the kitchen, looking dapper in his professorial attire. He paused and smiled when he saw what Sera was reading. “Just started?”

“Trying to. It’s hard to focus.”

“That one does start a bit slow.” He settled in the armchair near Sera.

“This is more of a me problem than a book problem.”

“Understandable given how much has happened.”

“What?” Sera sat up straighter. News could spread like wildfire in a packhouse, but she thought her and Parisa’s conversation hadn’t been overheard. Now she wasn’t so sure.

“I mean, with the duel and everything.”

“Oh, right. Of course. Yes, it’s been a lot.”

“I bet. Even more reason to read, though.” He added. “A good escape. Plus that one picks up quickly once you make it through the first chapter. You’ll get invested in no time.”

“I hope so,” she replied, knowing she needed the distraction, but more than anything she wanted Edgar to stick around because this was the most normal she’d felt all day. She tucked a scrap of paper in the book and closed it. “Does the plot pick up quickly or does it get heated quickly?” She asked with a grin.

“Both.” Edgar sat back, crossing his ankle over his knee. “There’s a little espionage in that one. A lot of secrets. And it’s one of those books where the main characters sleep together fairly early in the book but the feelings take a lot longer.”

Sera wasn’t sure if she was in the mood for anyone else’s feelings, however escapist they might be, especially when it came to love. Maybe she needed a nonfiction book about boats or volcanoes or something. “Always a fun dynamic.”

“It’s so satisfying when they finally figure it out.”

Sera shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Maybe she needed to start her bakery shift early today. “And I will look forward to that.” She set the book down. “But I’m due at the bakery.”

Sera wandered up the path to the pack house at a hesitant pace, avoiding going back home. In a matter of weeks, she’d managed to dismantle the core of what made her feel safe and happy. Her pack was the only home and family she had, and now she was suspicious of her packmates and how much they knew and Parisa was further away than ever. At least they were on speaking terms. Though, that hurt in its own way, too.

Parisa had told her she loved her. Parisa had kissed her. And now she was supposed to pretend none of that happened?

Sera started to climb the front steps of the pack house, turned away, and went down the grassy path that led to Emmaline’s cottage instead.

The walk there was its own sort of comforting meditation, but none of it compared to the welcoming warmth of Emmaline’s home as her packmate ushered her inside and gave her a cup of tea. She settled into the couch in her living room.

Emmaline sat across from her and smiled. “How was the bakery today?”

“You’re not going to ask why I’m here unannounced?”

Emmaline waved a dismissive hand. “That’s none of my business unless it’s something you want to share.”

Sera wrapped her hands around her mug and stared at her tea. “I do want to share, but in a really roundabout way, if that’s okay.” She glanced up. “But I shouldn’t just come over and unload my messy brain on you. How are you doing?”

“Don’t mind me. Nothing to share. Just same old, same old. Once you live for nearly a hundred years, the days all blend together. I’m just lucky mine are all content and fairly lovely.” She grinned as she took another sip of tea.

“I’m envious of that, honestly,” Sera said, thinking back to where she was weeks ago, stuck in a comfortable rut before she decided to blow everything up. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough.

“Now why would that be? You’re wonderful in every way. Is someone else ruining your day?”

Sera shook her head. “Only one ruining my days is me.”

“If you’re ready to share, I’m ready to listen.”

“You and your partner, how did you two know you were meant for each other?” Sera asked, hiding behind her mug with embarrassment.

“Oh you just know,” Emmaline replied. “You know because you don’t get sick of him no matter how much he’s around.”

Ernest popped his head around the corner. “And you can’t wait to tell her every minute, boring detail of your day.”

“And you want him around even when he’s made you angrier than a cat in the rain.”

“And you miss her even when she’s just gone for the day.” He winked at Emmaline and ducked back into the kitchen.

“Did you ever —” Sera faltered, not knowing how to phrase her question. “Feel free not to answer if it gets too personal, but did you ever worry about what others might think when you got together?”

“What? A wolf and a bear? Sure, we had some ugly thrown our way, but I always found safety within our pack. I don’t care what others think as long as my family is there for me. Besides, that’s one of the best things about our pack — the disregard for traditions that no longer serve their purpose.”

Except for the rules that Parisa was hiding behind. “Parisa can be strict about things, though.”

“Why? Is there a rule you want to break?” Emmaline leaned forward with interest. “Or one you’ve already broken?”

Sera stared into her tea.

“You don’t have to tell me. Just know that some rules are meant to be broken, especially those that keep us from being happy. Take the two of us, for example. Wolves and bear shifters weren’t mixing when we met, but we smashed right through that wall. And even now, we don’t always play by the rules. We live how we wish. Our life looks however we want it to.”

Sera recognized the knowing look in her eyes. It was the same she’d seen in Lock’s and Edgar’s earlier, but so much more perceptive. Emmaline had known Parisa and Sera the longest. There was no way she hadn’t noticed the shifts in daily pack life. Her advice was too pointed. There was a chance that Sera was just overanalyzing the situation, but something in her gut told her that Emmaline knew.

Sera took a deep breath and let it out. “But you both agree on how to live together. What would you do if one of you didn’t?”

Emmaline took a moment to think. “We’d talk about it. Understand where each other is coming from.”

“And what if you already know where the other person is thinking and you agree with them, but it hurts?”

Emmaline’s features softened. She set down her tea and sat forward, leaning on her thighs with her forearms. “I’d be honest and say I’m hurting, that I can’t move forward like this.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You’re braver than you know, and stronger than you realize. And don’t forget, the entire pack is your family, too.” She smiled. “Feelings like these are a great thing to talk to a lump of dough and an oven about. Should we attempt choux pastry again?”

The challenge seemed like the perfect distraction. Sera nodded, setting down her tea. “Sounds like exactly what I need.”

Back at the house, Sera sat in front of the roaring fire for the first time in days. It hadn’t felt right without Parisa but today it was the only place she wanted to be. This was part of what made her love her home. She enjoyed some rare quiet with a cup of coffee, until Jo appeared in her periphery.

“Beta! How are — are you okay? I can go somewhere else if you need to be alone.”

“No need.” Sera waved them over. “It’s the family room for a reason.”

Jo made a face and held up their phone. “Family is a sensitive subject right now. I got a passive aggressive text from my mom and I was looking for someone to hang out with.”

A familiar bittersweet feeling welled up inside her. “Do you need to talk?”

Jo shook their head. “No. No, no, no. I don’t like to talk about this kind of stuff. I’m just glad I’m here. At home. Back home really isn’t home at all anymore. I could never be myself there, not like here where I can be —” Jo wiggled their arms above their head. “You know, all of this.”

Sera smiled, wrapping her hands around her mug and looking down at her coffee. “I don’t remember my home, so this is the only home I know. And it’s a good one. I’m glad you feel like you can be yourself here.”

“Becoming a wolf was like starting over. I’d bugged so many of the Alphas to turn me, but they all said no, except for Parisa who just told me to wait. At the time I couldn’t see why, but now I’m glad for it.”

“Oh?”

“I needed time to figure myself out a bit more before exploding my whole life, I guess.”

“Do you feel like you exploded your life?”

“Yeah, but in a good way. I wasn’t happy, so it needed some exploding.”

“And you’re happier now?”

Jo brightened. “Definitely. The last year has been both super long, like I’ve always been here, and super short, like I just got here yesterday. Some days I wonder if I’ll ever figure myself out.”

Sera chuckled. “I’m far older than you and still confused. Maybe you’ll do better than me.”

Jo plopped down on the other sofa. “Doubtful. Being a hot mess is, like, my whole thing. But I think the pack makes me less of a mess. Like Wil is always looking out for me. So is Alpha Parisa. Harry feels like the big brother I never had. All of them do, really. It’s like I walked into this enormous family and everything was new and difficult, but it also felt like coming home, you know?”

Sera swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I know exactly what you mean.”

This pack she loved was worth protecting, but she couldn’t forget about herself and what she needed to feel at home. She was done pretending. Sera knew what she had to do.

eighteen

With a no longer avoidable and very important conversation ahead of her, Sera, naturally, procrastinated. It was useful procrastination. At least that’s what she told herself. She had a plan. First she would bake and then she would tell Parisa everything.

“Emmaline, I have a need to bake!” Sera announced, throwing the back door to the kitchen wide open. Her body buzzed with anticipation and nerves.

Emmaline looked up from the tartlets she was decorating and grinned. “Let me finish these and then you can help with the next batch. Go wash up those raspberries for me, will you?”

Sera rubbed her hands together and nodded, getting to work right away. With her hands busy, she felt steadier and could focus on what she had to do. “Can I bring one to Parisa when they’re done?”

“Fine by me,” Emmaline replied. “You make them. You decide what you want to do with them.” She gestured towards a bowl of lemons. “Juice those, if you can. We’re doing raspberries and lemon curd. It’s tart, sweet, perfect. Some things just work so well together, don’t you think?”

She lost herself in the work as Emmaline instructed her and kept her busy, making little room in her mind for anything else. She welcomed the moments where she didn’t think about what she was going to say to Parisa, or replay the moment where she’d stepped into the duel and ruined everything. She cut raspberries, worked the tartlets into their little molds until her fingers were covered in flour and sticky bits of pastry, and did her best to follow Emmaline’s lemon curd instructions.

“It looks so bad.” Sera stared down into the pot. She picked up a bit with a spoon and it fell off in a hardened clump. “See, there’s always a point where it all goes wrong.”

“Nothing’s stopping you from trying again,” Emmaline said.

Frustrated, Sera tried again, following Emmaline’s advice. And again. And again. When burnt lemon curd stuck to the bottom of the pot, she decided enough was enough. “Can you make it and I’ll do something else?”

“What kind of teacher would I be if I did that?”

“A helpful one.” Sera clicked her tongue, but smiled. “Fine, but can you stand here and tell me every little step as I do it?”

With Emmaline’s help, Sera managed to make something passing as lemon curd, though it was still lumpy.

She did manage to start a small fire later, but that was a tea towel’s fault, not hers.

In the end, it was very easy to tell the difference between Emmaline’s professional tarts and Sera’s attempts. Sera’s were burnt on the edges, soggy on the bottom, and she’d worked the pastry a little too much. The curd settled like mountains, not smooth like Emmaline’s. But at least the raspberries looked nice.

“Thank you, Emmaline. I didn’t burn the kitchen down. A good lesson.”

“Never a bad time to try something new.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Emmaline raised an eyebrow.

“Got something else I’m trying today,” Sera said.

“Well, good luck with whatever you’ve got going on,” Emmaline added with a smile.

Sera wrapped one of the better looking tarts in one of the boxes from Violet Moon, tied a silver ribbon around it, and walked back to the pack house. Part of her hoped Parisa wouldn't be home, but while it’d give her more time to think, it would mean she’d sit in her room with a boxed tart, jumping anytime she heard a door open.

The second she stepped over the threshold she could sense Parisa’s presence. Her scent still lingered in the entryway as though she’d only just come home. Sera’s heart raced as she made her way to Parisa’s study. She had to keep switching which hand held the box to wipe her sweaty palms on her trousers.

She lifted her hand to knock, but Parisa’s voice rang out before her knuckles hit the door, “Come in.”

Her hands trembled as she opened the door. Parisa was standing beside her desk, thumbing through an open book. Her smile was warm and welcoming, despite everything that had happened between them, and Sera melted at the sight of her. Her hair was neatly pinned back and her long-sleeved, floral-print dress had a low collar that dipped just past where her tops normally stopped.

Sera took a few steps forward, caught herself staring, and looked at the box in her hands instead. Her mouth was dry. She shoved the box in Parisa’s general direction. “Eat the tart,” she said, voice shaky. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Please eat the tart.”

“What?” Parisa laughed in confusion.

Sera stared at her shoes as she held out the box. “I have something to tell you and I need you to not say anything until I’m done. So, for now, could you please, please just eat the tart?”

Parisa’s fingertips grazed the backs of her hands as she took the box. “I think I can manage that.”

Sera’s breath left her in a rush. “Thank you.” She wiped her hands on her trousers again and clasped them together to keep them from shaking.

Parisa lifted the tartlet from the box. Her eyes darted between Sera and the pastry, worry sinking into her expression. “Sera, if this is about —”

“Let me say this. Please?” she begged, knowing that Parisa could sense her racing heartbeat. Parisa had already pieced everything together and was ready to stop her, but this time Sera wasn’t holding anything back.

Parisa nodded and brought the tart to her lips to take a bite. Sera could sense Parisa’s nerves now, too. She could hear how Parisa’s breath was coming in shorter bursts, and she could smell the subtle changes in her scent that showed she was on high alert.

Now that she was standing here, Sera realized she hadn’t practiced exactly what she was going to say. She had wrongly assumed the right words would come on their own, so she stood silent for a moment before plunging in.

“You saved me,” she said, starting at the very beginning. “I’m eternally grateful for that, but it’s not what draws me to you, or what keeps me by your side.” Her voice sounded far away in her own ears. Sera felt like she was somewhere outside of herself watching all this happen.

“I’m your Beta because I believe in you and this pack. I’m your friend because our chats by the fire over coffee and tea are the best part of my day and you trust me the way that I trust you. And —” She faltered, summoning the strength to continue. “And I love you because I hate going a day without seeing you. I miss bringing you flowers every afternoon and watching your face light up. Your voice makes me feel calm and grounded. Your presence makes me feel like I can do anything. And I’d never forgive myself, ever, if I didn’t tell you all of this.”

She swallowed hard and dared to meet Parisa’s gaze. “I think about you constantly. It’d be stupid of me to not know this was love and I’ve been stupid for a long time now. I know what you’ve said. I know how you feel. But I had to tell you what I felt, too.” She shifted on her feet. “I hope you like the tart.”

Parisa set down the tart and stared, lips parted. Tension crackled in the silence between them.

“The pack comes first,” Parisa said.

“I know the pack comes first, but why does that have to be at the expense of how you feel? How I feel?”

“Because —” Parisa stood, hands clenched at her sides. “We can’t ruin the pack for selfish reasons.”

“What would change? We’re already together all the time.”

“But the pack.”

“I know.”

“Everything would change. How can you not understand this?”

“Think about it, though. Really think about it. How would anything be different if we were happy? We already support each other and spend so much time together —”

“A relationship is different and you know it.”

Sera wasn’t backing down. “The pack is stronger when we’re together.”

Parisa paced in a tight circle. “You of all people know how hard I’ve worked to carry this pack and make the other Alphas respect us, respect me. And you want to undo all of that for the chance that —”

“For a chance? Pari, you told me you loved me. And you know how much I love you!” Her voice cracked and she shut her lips tight.

“I don’t need to look weaker than I already am.”

“Love can make us stronger, not weaker.”

Parisa looked at her and there was a war behind her eyes. “I need time to think.” She sunk down into her chair and looked away. “Alone.”

nineteen

Sera lay on the bed fully dressed. She stared at her hands, wondering if she should give in and let the wolf out. A run in the woods was far preferable to this pity party, but she didn’t want to leave in case Parisa wanted to talk.

She sighed and rolled over, picking at a loose thread on her pillowcase. Her brain was itchy and her body was restless. The urge to welcome the wolf grew stronger.

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. “If this is about the laundry schedule again,” she called out as she walked to the door, “I still can’t do anything to change it. If you need to swap with someone, you’ll have to —” She flung the door open and saw Parisa standing there.

Her hair was free of all its pins and hung loose around her face. She stood barefoot in the hallway, wearing an old gray sweatshirt over her neatly pressed dress. Her shoulders were slumped as she curled in on herself.

“Can we talk?” Parisa whispered.

Sera nodded and stepped aside. As the door shut behind her, Sera realized this was the first time Parisa had ever been in her room.

“Last time you asked me if you could speak without me saying anything, and now I’ll ask for the same.” Parisa’s voice was small and grew quieter as voices passed by in the hallway.

“Of course.” Sera braced for the worst.

“I didn’t bring a treat for you.” Parisa chuckled weakly, her expression strained. “I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about everything. I guess what I wanted to tell you is — if I really think about it — what I’m trying to say is okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ve got to just say it, don’t I?” Parisa took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She looked Sera in the eyes. “Eshgham, I’m all in. If you’re still ready, then I am, too.”

“I’m ready!” Sera blurted.

“Just like that?” Parisa took a step towards her.

“Yes, it’s what I want.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It can be.”

Parisa took another step. Sera held her breath.

“So, what do we do now?” Parisa puffed out a soft laugh that Sera felt on her skin.

Sera steeled her nerves and took Parisa’s hands in her own. “We do what we always did, only now we can —” She couldn’t finish the thought. Her cheeks flushed with warmth.

Parisa leaned in closer. Sera’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned in, too, ready for a kiss that was even better than the one earlier. But it never came. She opened her eyes and Parisa was inches away from her, her face scrunched up in frustration.

“Why is this so hard? I already kissed you once,” Parisa whined.

“Because now it means something.”

Parisa’s features softened. “Everything with you means a great deal to me.”

Sera closed her eyes again as the pull between them took over. Their lips brushed, soft breaths passing between them. Parisa gently held her face, guiding her closer and flooding her with feeling, the kiss much more intense than their first.

It was over before she wanted it to be, and she chased Parisa’s lips as they pulled away.

Parisa stroked her thumb along Sera’s face, grinning wider until it spilled over and Parisa burst with laughter. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She tried to catch her breath as her laughter turned into high-pitched giggles. “I just can’t help it.”

It wasn’t the reaction Sera expected after their first proper kiss, but, like everything with Parisa, she loved it. Her own small smile broadened until she was swept up in her infectious laughter.

“I played this out in my head so many times,” Parisa said, trying to calm herself, “and never once did I start laughing. I have no idea where this is coming from.”

“Don’t worry. I like it.”

Parisa’s cheeks were rosy. “It’s so embarrassing. I’m just happy. That’s all.”

Sera’s heart warmed at the sight. She squeezed Parisa’s hands tighter.

Parisa wiped away a tear. “The pack is going to hear us,” she warned. “Though the second I showed up outside your door, I bet someone sensed me and already started wondering.”

“You think?” Worry began to slip in alongside Sera’s joy.

“I never come up here.”

“Have you really never —”

“Never. I had to avoid this space because it’s so filled with you. I couldn’t handle it and still keep you at arm’s length.”

Sera skimmed her hands up Parisa’s arms until they were hooked behind her neck. “You don’t have to anymore.”

“This isn’t going to be easy.”

Sera rested her forehead on Parisa’s. “I don’t know. Feels pretty easy to me right now.”

Parisa ran her hands up Sera’s back. “You’re sweet, but you know what I mean.”

“I know, but like everything we’ll find a way through all of this together.”

“I feel like I’m being selfish.”

“So what? You’re allowed to once in a while. You do so much for everyone. You deserve something for yourself. Hugh said love is all these wonderful things, but it’s selfish, too. It’s a good thing to want to cherish someone.”

“Hugh said love is selfish?”

Sera nodded.

“I agree. Absolutely I agree. I’ve been selfish all this time.”

“Not nearly enough.”

“But I’ve kept you by my side for years without being honest with you. Meanwhile, you apparently recognize your feelings and tell me within a few —”

“Weeks.”

Parisa grinned. “So delightfully impulsive.”

“Overthinking things for weeks is hardly impulsive.”

“What are a few weeks to a werewolf?”

“Agonizing. But better now.”

Parisa pulled her into a tight hug. She dipped her head and nestled her nose along Sera’s neck, running her fingers through her short hair. “I haven’t let myself dream of having this in so long. It got so easy to rename the ache I felt as the loneliness that comes with leadership. I could fill every waking moment with work so that I wouldn't linger too long on any one thought of you.”

She clutched Sera’s shirt. “I hate how worried I still am. Someone has to be the first to do anything, and I guess that’s us. I just can’t shake the fear that perceived weakness will continue to follow me after I spent so long trying to fight it.”

“Maybe these feelings don’t make us weak.” Sera started, not knowing what to say. “Maybe it has happened before — an Alpha and a Beta — but it’s one of those things we don’t hear about. And I know you make me stronger. I don’t know what I have to offer you, but I’m stronger by your side.”

“You don’t know what you have to offer me?” Parisa lifted her head. “Then it looks like I have the job of making you see what I see in you.”

Sera flushed a deeper shade of pink.

A group of their packmates passed by Sera’s closed door, talking much too loudly for this time of the morning when most of the pack was asleep. Sera startled, pulling away as though they were about to be seen, but Parisa held her close. She buried her face against Sera’s neck and pressed a kiss to the soft skin there.

Parisa gave her another squeeze and pulled back, her hands falling away. She had a sideways sort of smile. “I have no idea what to do now.”

“We don’t have to tell them all right away.”

“No, I mean, right now. Like, in this moment. My body is simmering with nervous energy and adrenaline and I have no idea what to do with any of it. I was so scared.” She laughed again.

Sera’s eyes lit up. “We could run.”

“We should sleep,” Parisa replied.

“Which one’s more fun?”

They exchanged glances and Sera raced to her door, flinging it open and scurrying down the empty hallway with Parisa behind her. She looked back over her shoulder and reached for Parisa’s hand, linking their fingers as they hurried towards the back door, feeling giddy and daring.

There was someone in the kitchen as they raced through the house, but Sera skidded past, stifling another fit of giggles before they were out the back door and in the early morning air. Sunrise would come soon and Sera could feel a weary ache in her bones, but she was too weightless and high on the feeling of love and being loved in return that she didn’t care. They ran to the edge of the forest, sprinting past each other like two kids.

When they reached the treeline, Parisa whipped her sweatshirt off over her head and Sera quickly looked away, afraid she’d combust if she saw anything. She could only hold back her desires for a moment, though, and she dared a glance behind her. Parisa stood proudly in the pre-dawn light, all muscles and soft curves. Sera shuddered with the realization that after everything that happened tonight she could dare to dream of skimming her fingertips along Parisa’s skin and doing much more than a chaste kiss in her bedroom.

Nerves washed over her. She looked back at the forest, heart thundering in her chest. She welcomed the chill in the air as it touched her skin in the moments before her transformation. The wolf was itching to be free. It clawed its way to the surface and reshaped her body faster than usual. She hit the ground with four feet, ready to run.

Parisa took off, dashing along the treeline away from the house. Sera followed behind, teeth bared in a wolfish grin.

They ran until Sera’s lungs were starved for breath. Parisa rounded on her and pounced before Sera could dodge. Sera whined as her side smacked into the ground and she rolled onto her back, feet kicking as she pretended to struggle. Parisa nuzzled into the fur around Sera’s neck and nipped at her skin. She held Sera down with a firm paw to the chest, light enough to let Sera know Parisa was being careful, but strong enough to remind her that her Alpha was still her Alpha, no matter what happened between them.

Sera yelped and squirmed. She swung her neck to the side and snapped her teeth as close as she could get to Parisa’s front leg. Parisa growled and pressed down harder. Sera wriggled beneath her hold as she bared her neck so more of it was exposed. Parisa bit down gently, and a jolt of danger and desire rolled through her. Sera stopped trying to free herself. Parisa lifted her head and stared down at her, predatory eyes locking on Sera’s for a moment before she growled again and backed away. Sera got up slowly, feeling dazed, and readied herself for another pounce that never came.

Parisa turned towards the woods, glanced back at Sera, and dashed away.

There would be time for more of the things that made heat pool low in Sera’s belly. That was for another night. As night bled into day, all Sera wanted was to share Parisa’s joy.

Back outside the house, Parisa pulled Sera out of the line of sight of the windows and held her close. “Thank you for this,” she whispered along the shell of her ear. “The second challenge is soon. I needed this. I needed time with you.”

Sera’s joyful expression was wiped away. “When is it?”

“In a few days. I’m sorry for cutting you out.” Parisa held Sera’s hand, winding their fingers together. “I’ve told Wilma that you’ll be my witness again.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“But what if I —”

“You won’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

“No, I can’t know for sure, but I know you after all these years. Now that you’re not burying how you feel, it probably won’t try to escape any longer.” Parisa ran her thumb over the back of Sera’s hand.

“I don’t want to ruin anything.”

“But there’s no one else I’d rather have there with me.”

Sera shook her head. “Pari, I don’t know.”

Parisa squeezed Sera’s hand tighter. “You make me stronger, remember?”

“Now what am I supposed to say to that?”

“Just say you’ll be there with me.”

“Of course I will.”

“As my Beta, but also as my Sera.” Parisa tugged her close and planted a quick kiss on her lips before grinning and disappearing through the back door, leaving Sera stunned and blushing.

She brought her hand to her lips, grazing the spot that tingled with warmth. There was no way she was getting any sleep that morning.

twenty

Sera startled at a knock on the bakery office door, tossing the pen in her hand. Wilma appeared as the door opened.

“Your shift ended ten minutes ago,” she said.

Sera’s eyes snapped to the clock on the computer. “I’ll be finished soon, I just need to —”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I can finish it. Besides, you have a visitor.”

“Hugh!” Sera realized, jumping up from her chair. “Yes, thank you. If you don’t mind finishing. It’s nearly done. I was just going through this evening’s orders.”

“Go, go.” Wilma shooed her out of the office. “I’ve got it.”

Sera thanked her and stepped out into the bakery to find Hugh peering at the treats in the case and chatting with Lock.

As he noticed Sera out of the corner of his eye, he turned and feigned disappointment, his smile betraying his true feelings. He touched his hand to his chest. “Mon lou lou, did you forget about me today?”

“Never! Just lost track of time.”

“At work? What a busy little bee you’ve become.”

“I told you I was getting my life together. But Hugh!” She stepped closer so she could whisper. “I have news and none of it can be shared here or anywhere within earshot of here.”

“Then let’s not waste any time.”

“Wait, don’t you want something from the bakery?”

“Is the news delicious?”

“Yes,” Sera replied, eyes as wide as her smile.

“Then I’ve got all the treats I need. Let’s go.”

Sera kept a lid on her secret until they were seated in a back corner seat in their favorite coffee shop with her rose and vanilla latte and Hugh’s adorably small, but dignified-looking espresso. She was shaking with the force of her news.

“Hugh,” she said.

“Please, I’m dying to know. I have hopes but I’m not willing to entertain them until I know one way or the other.”

“Hugh,” she said again, beaming. She wanted to tell him. The words danced on her tongue. But she couldn’t stop smiling long enough to say anything.

“Save me from this anticipation.”

“We kissed.”

Hugh sat down his espresso with a clatter. “You and —”

“Yes.”

Hugh sat back in his chair. “I never thought I’d see the day.” He paused. “And everything you were worried about?”

“Still there. Still one hundred percent there and weird and stressful, but we’re going to figure out a way. Together.”

“My dear, I’m so happy for you. For her, too, but mostly for you. You know where my most treasured loyalties lie.”

“Thank you. It feels surreal.”

“I can imagine. You’ve certainly waited long enough.”

“I waited weeks. She waited years, Hugh. Decades.”

“What?”

Sera’s words spilled out faster the longer she spoke. “She’s loved me for a long time and kept her feelings buried so she didn’t act on it. And she said no at first, that it would be easy to shove down our feelings with time, but then I was brave. Hugh, I was brave and told her that it’s okay to be selfish and want something and that love makes us stronger. And she kissed me. Then, we went running in the woods.”

“The mating habits of the modern werewolf.” He leaned forward with his arms on the table and smiled. “Mon lou lou, I am over the moon. You deserve this, both of you.” He winked. “Also I told you so.”

Sera had known that was coming at some point. She puffed out a laugh. “Yes, you did. This is, honestly, in part thanks to you and your teasing.”

“Just let me be the first to speak at your wedding and we’ll consider us even.”

“Don’t jinx anything,” she warned. “I’m trying not to think about what happens if this all blows up horrifically.”

“And if it does — which it won’t — you’ll find a way forward. Together. Though, as we’ve just proven, I'm always right.”

“Sometimes.”

“Always. I know nothing is set in stone and forever is an awfully big word, but what you two have runs deeper than a surface-level connection that can be so easily broken.”

“I hope so, but the pack —”

“The pack will be there for you, too, just as you two help them.” His smile slipped into a sharp smirk. “Plus, you have no idea how many of them have been rooting for you two this whole time.”

Sera choked on her latte.

“I won’t name names, but they’ve been trying in their own way.” Hugh lifted his espresso to his lips. “Don’t you think it’s odd that you two always had the living room to yourselves when you needed it?”

“I thought that was because the pack puts distance between them and their Alpha.”

“I’m sure that’s partly true, but the other part is everyone who knows you both can see how much you mean to each other.”

Sera was equally touched and horrified that the others had known before she did and had been trying to push them together. “So that’s me. What’s new with you?” she asked, hoping to change the subject.

Hugh raised an eyebrow. “Not much. Just dealing with the rather eccentric new Creative Director over at the theater and, you know —” He shot her a look. “Basking in the glory of me being right about everything.”

“I feel like it’s been ages since we got to do this,” Sera said, body buzzing as Parisa took her normal seat across from her in the living room. She’d gotten everything ready before Parisa arrived — added logs to the fire, steeped a fresh pot of tea, and placed a few tartlets from the bakery on a plate, one of which was missing because she had needed a treat while she waited.

Parisa sat at the edge of the sofa and reached for her tea. “Life’s been a little irregular lately.”

Sera’s stomach churned. She was part of that problem. In all her happiness, she’d thrown a sunshine-colored cover over the less than wonderful recent happenings.

“But good,” Parisa continued. “Sometimes change is good. It forces us to see things differently.”

“I need some more normalcy. I like my routines — our routines — new routines.” She kept correcting herself as she tried to land on what she wanted to say. “I want things to feel like before, but better.”

“Before but better,” Parisa echoed. “I like that.” She took a sip of her tea, then pinched off a bite of an apple tart. “I haven’t said a word to anyone yet. Have you?”

“Hugh,” Sera replied.

Parisa waved a hand. “That goes without saying. Although, that probably means the coven will know now, too.”

“Just Clemente!” Sera defended. “Hugh’s good with keeping secrets, but he does like to share the best with him.”

“And this is juicy gossip, I’d imagine.” Parisa paused. “I’d rather control the narrative, if possible. I worry about what Clyde will think. Our bonds with that pack are strong, but his ties to tradition are stronger.”

“He accepted you as a fellow Alpha, didn’t he?”

“After a lot of aggressive convincing. It wasn’t easy.”

“Then this might not be easy, too, but not impossible.”

“Just like the duel.”

“Right.” Sera nodded. “Like the duel.”

Parisa placed her palm on Sera’s knee and waited for their eyes to meet before she spoke again. “I’m in a very different place than I was a few weeks ago. It won’t be the same this time.” She squeezed her leg before sitting back in her chair.

“Do you still want me there?”

“There’s no one I’d rather have by my side than my Beta, eshgham.” There was a tender lilt in her voice for the last three words.

Sera felt heat in her cheeks. “You can’t just say things like that now.”

Parisa smirked. “I thought you said it should be like before but better. I’ve always called you my little pet names,” she repeated with the same tone.

“But not like that! You’re saying a new one. What does that mean?”

Parisa’s smirked slipped into a soft smile. “It means you have my heart and that I treasure you.”

“One word means all that?”

“When I say it to you, one word can mean everything.” Parisa smiled.

Sera’s cheeks were on fire. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Parisa laughed. “Why?”

“Because now I feel all melty and gooey inside and there’s no way I’ll function now.”

“Good thing all you have to do now is enjoy your coffee and our little chat.” She drank some of her tea. “I finished another one of Edgar’s books, and I have a theory.”

Sera raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Have you noticed a common theme between the ones he lends us?”

“Besides romance and enough heat to cause a metaphorical burn? No, nothing.”

“Do you have the one you’re reading now nearby?”

Sera nodded and got up to grab it from another nearby table before taking a seat again. She held the book out for Parisa to take. “Have you read this one?”

“No, but I have to test something.” Parisa took the book and searched the front and back covers. “Mm, this one’s a bit of a stretch, but I think it still fits.”

“Fits what?”

Parisa held the book in her lap and turned to look at Sera. “I don’t think I’m the only one who knew I had feelings for you.” She tapped the book. “And I think we’ve had some well-meaning puppetmasters behind the scenes.”

“Hugh said the same thing earlier.”

“See! I must be right. And if you look here, this book has two artists as the main characters, right? One is more well-known than the other. The other book had a captain and a first officer. Edgar has tons of books, but the ones he lends me always has two people with some sort of power dynamic —”

“But they meet on equal ground,” Sera said, realization dawning.

Parisa leaned closer. “Remind you of anyone?”

Sera froze, her heart rate picking up. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Parisa laughed. “Despite everything I’m concerned about, it’s nice to know we have people in our corner.”

“How long do you think they’ve been doing this?”

Parisa patted the spot next to her on the sofa. “Does it matter?”

“No, I guess it doesn’t. I just feel foolish for not seeing what everyone else did.” Sera stood on shaky legs, heart hammering in her chest, then sat beside her with stiff arms and legs, leaving some distance between them.

Parisa shifted in her seat, closing the small gap, and placed a hand on Sera’s thigh, rubbing her thumb along her trousers. “Feelings make us all a little foolish.”

Sera’s leg tingled where Parisa touched. “Me more than most.”

“I doubt that. I think I’d tie for who let love make them the most foolish.”

At the word ‘love,’ Sera inhaled, her gaze snapping to Parisa’s face.

Parisa smiled and leaned in closer. She squeezed Sera’s leg. “I do, you know. Love you.”

Sera nodded, unable to find words with Parisa’s gaze so focused on her and only her.

Parisa’s hand slid up a little higher. Sera jolted as Parisa continued to move closer, their faces only inches apart.

Sera’s skin itched with anticipation, little pinpricks of nerves spreading throughout her body. Parisa was so close and she loved her. She glanced down at Parisa’s parted lips and settled her hand on Parisa’s shoulder before slowly sliding it into her thick, brown hair. Parisa’s eyes fluttered shut, a soft sigh on her lips, and Sera sealed their lips together.

Parisa was a stiff brick wall at first and Sera wondered if she’d misread the moment. She started to pull away, but Parisa grabbed onto her shirt, pulling her back into place. Sera smiled against her lips and let her eyes close so she could better feel everything Parisa was willing to give her.

Sera pulled back and smiled at the way Parisa chased after her lips. “I love you, too — in case that wasn’t clear.” Puffing out a soft laugh, she whispered, “Just because they’ve been trying to get us together doesn’t mean we should be doing this where everyone can see. We can stop or we can —“ Sera grinned, imagination taking off with everything they could do now.

“I don’t know,” Parisa whispered, stroking her thumb across Sera’s cheek.

“Don’t know what?”

“If I’m ready.”

Sera placed her hand on top of Parisa’s and leaned into the touch on her face. “We have time.”

“I know, but there are things — Sera, I have so much that I want.”

“But you’re not ready?”

Parisa shook her head and cast her gaze to the side. “No. I’m tense and my stomach’s in knots. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Sera moved Parisa’s hand and crushed her in a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of Parisa’s neck. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“It should be easy. Being around you is always easy.”

“We can take our time.”

Parisa waited a beat to respond. “I don’t want to, but I think I need to. At least for tonight.”

Sera pulled back from the hug to look Parisa in the eye. “Give me a good night kiss before you go?”

“Or —” Parisa started.

Sera held her breath.

“Or you could allow me one more selfish indulgence and stay with me tonight. Just to sleep,” Parisa added. “I don’t want to say good night yet.”

Sera sat back to see Parisa better and let her hands slide down Parisa’s arms to catch hold of her hands. “I’ll need pajamas,” Sera said, and immediately felt embarrassed after.

“Okay. I’ll make sure my room is — that it’s — that you can — that it’s neat.”

Watching her Alpha become more flustered by the second was a new experience. She liked it but it made her own cheeks flush hotter.

“Okay,” she echoed.

Neither of them moved.

The sound of a nearby door creaking open made them spring apart.

“Pajamas!” Sera yelled and rushed towards her room.

twenty-one

Sera shut her door and leaned against it, feeling a giddy sort of dizzy and hoping to catch her breath. Her gaze fell to her unmade bed where last night’s pajamas were crumpled in a small pile — an old t-shirt she’d gotten as a souvenir when Billie traveled some years ago and some warm socks.

That wasn’t going to be good enough.

Rifling through her drawers, she tried to pick the least threadbare shirt, but so many of them were neon souvenir shirts. Was this a thing with the pack? Did everyone else get them or did they just think their Beta needed twenty different shirts with beaches and weird sayings on them? To be fair, she did wear them every night, but this wasn’t just another night.

Too much time had already passed, so she took out the newest one — a light blue oversized shirt from a brewery downtown — and threw it on the bed so she could hunt for some socks without holes and shorts. Those would no doubt be buried somewhere in the back because she never wore anything besides underwear to bed, but that seemed much too forward, so shorts it would be.

Taking one more steadying breath, she pointed at herself in the mirror and whispered, “You got this. Just be so normal.” Her pointing morphed into two thumbs up.

She burst into the hallway, riding the high of her nerves and anticipation, before remembering it was just past dawn and most of her packmates were still asleep.

“Beta Seraphine? You’re up early.”

Except Carina. School started early in the morning, even if the teacher was a werewolf, and Carina was awake to take on another day at elementary school.

“Can’t be ‘up’ if I never went ‘down,’” Sera replied with an awkward chuckle. She tugged on the end of her shirt and ran the hem between her fingers. “Just getting some water.”

“Oh!” Carina’s eyes widened. “Then don’t let me keep you.” There was a teasing lilt to Carina’s voice that made Sera suspicious of Carina being one of the ones who’d been secretly pushing them together.

“Have a good day with the kids.”

Sera slid past her in the hallway and scurried across the house until she was back in front of Parisa’s door. Hand on the doorknob, she thought about just going in so no one else would see her, but what if she walked in on something she shouldn’t see yet?

“Parisa,” she whispered. “Can I come in?”

There was no reply.

“Pari,” she said louder.

The door whipped open. Parisa’s long hair was in a messy bun on top of her head and she was wearing a soft sweatshirt. She grabbed Sera’s arm, pulled her inside, shut the door, and started giggling.

“I feel so sneaky.” She said through her laughter. “It’s fun.” She spun on her heels and shuffled on bare feet towards her bed.

Sera couldn’t hold back giggles of her own. Seeing Parisa like this made that lightheadedness return in the best way. Then her eyes traveled downwards and her world shifted. Just below the hem of Parisa’s sweatshirt were the cutest underwear dotted with cartoon lemons with smiling faces. Before this moment, Sera hadn’t understood how something could be so cute and hot at the same time. Her thoughts dripped out of her head like warm honey and she knew she was staring but she couldn’t blink.

Parisa turned before she got into bed, facing Sera, and covered her face. “Oh my god, my face is so red, isn’t it?”

“About the same as mine.”

Parisa peeked from between her fingers. “I’m going to get into bed and you can get into the other side. Or not yet. It’s up to you.” She dropped her hands to her sides and straightened her back, squaring her shoulders as though she was summoning her Alpha presence. “We are going to talk like normal and then we are going to be calm enough to sleep.”

Without another glance at Sera, she hurried under her covers and slid down until the comforter was at her chin.

“Calm, I can do calm,” Sera lied as she rounded the bed to the other side. Parisa’s room was tidy and filled with paintings and knick-knacks collected over the years. Everything in there smelled like Parisa. Sera’s senses were in overdrive taking it all in. Of course she’d seen her room before, but it had been quite some time since she’d actually stood in it, let alone plan to sleep there.

With a trembling grip, she pulled back the covers and slipped inside on her side, aligning her back with the far edge of the bed. Parisa smiled at her and Sera melted. Loose strands of her hair were in front of her face, her bun was a mess on top of her pillow, and she was smiling because Sera was there. She was perfect.

“Talk like normal, right?” Sera’s voice cracked.

Parisa nodded, lips in a tight line curving up at the corners.

The silence between them crackled in the air as it stretched on for minutes.

Parisa shifted closer and wrapped her hands around Sera’s. “This okay?”

“Of course.” Sera felt the heat from Parisa’s palms against her skin and the reality of the moment struck her. Parisa was warm and real right in front of her. She was in Parisa’s room, in her bed. She was more than likely going to kiss her Alpha again before she pretended to sleep.

Parisa slid closer until her head was resting at the bottom of Sera’s pillow, her face tucked near Sera’s collarbone, her soft hair tickling her chin. “This okay?”

“Very okay.” Lifting her arm, she hovered above Parisa before letting it curve around the shape of her body. She stroked her fingertips along her back as the nerves and tension gave way to a happy comfort.

“I ran into Carina in the hallway. She definitely knew I wasn’t headed to the kitchen.” Sera laughed. “Do you get nervous when you think about telling everyone?”

“Absolutely. It makes my stomach flop around inside me,” Parisa replied and snuggled closer to Sera’s chest. “But, on the other hand, I’m the fucking Alpha so who cares what anyone else thinks?”

Sera blinked. “Well that was a sexy thing to say.”

Parisa propped herself up on one arm and peered down at Sera, feigning innocence, but her grin said everything. “Was it? I’m just stating facts.”

Heat flooded Sera’s body. “Can you say it again?”

Parisa leaned in. “I’m the fucking Alpha,” she whispered and leaned in for a kiss before she reclaimed her space on Sera’s shoulder and cuddled closer. “I worry more about Clyde,” she admitted, “but if I need to fight him again to win his respect, then I guess I will.”

“Surely it wouldn't come to that.”

“He’s made of tradition through and through and if you want to challenge any of that, you have to prove he needs to listen.”

“He will.”

“One way or another, he will.” Parisa sighed. “I’m so tired of fighting to prove what I am. I shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to.”

Sera held Parisa tighter.

“I thought I’d reached a point where I no longer had to and then all this happens with the duel,” Parisa continued. “I was naive to think so.”

“Times had changed. No one saw this coming.”

“I should have. Progress marches on, but some things never change. I can have all the pride and confidence I’ve earned, but to some I’m still an easy target because of who I am.”

Sera remembered Jason and the way he’d looked at Parisa and felt a growl rumbling up from her chest.

Parisa puffed out a laugh, patting Sera’s side. “There’s my Beta,” she whispered. “I don’t need you to defend me, but there’s something good about knowing you would.”

“Always.”

“I’m sorry I brought the mood down.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you’re sharing this with me.”

Parisa curled an arm around Sera’s middle. “I haven’t had anyone else I trusted enough. And I’ve kept things from you, too, over the years. It’s all so tightly coiled up inside of me and I’m worried that the moment I share too much, it’ll all come pouring out and I’ll send you running.”

“You know I wouldn't leave.”

Parisa pressed her face closer to Sera’s chest. “I know,” she whispered. She tightened her grip around Sera. “Thank you for everything. I’m able to be who I am because I know you’re right there beside me.”

Sera felt a sting at the back of her eyes and blinked it away. “There’s nowhere else I could be — nowhere else I’d want to be.” She nuzzled her face in Parisa’s soft hair.

The silence that stretched on was filled with quiet comfort. Still, Sera searched her mind for other topics, things that would take Parisa’s mind off the duel. A jolt of excitement ran through her when she landed on one. “We should go somewhere together — properly.”

“You mean a date?”

Sera nodded, smile stretching wide.

Parisa sat up and took both of Sera’s hands in hers. Their gazes locked as she smiled. “Seraphine, would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Definitely yes.” Sera’s heart fluttered in her chest.

Parisa paused, a contemplative look on her face. “Do you wonder now about how many of our other outings were dates?”

“Not until you just said it.”

“I think we’ve been dating for some time, eshgham.”

Sera groaned, burying her face into the pillow. “How did I never notice?”

“I didn’t either. I never dared to hope for anything like this. Now that you’re here, I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

Sera lifted her face enough to see Parisa. “I’m going to melt if you keep talking like that.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to.”

“Pari,” Sera whined, feeling her cheeks get hotter.

“I am lucky, though. I have a Beta who’s a great leader in our pack, strong enough to take me on, gorgeous enough to take my breath away.”

“Pari! Stop.” Sera covered her face.

Parisa laughed. She gently pulled Sera’s hands away, wrapping them inside her own. “I’ll stop tormenting you with compliments.”

“Good.” Sera pushed her face deeper into her pillow. “I want to — I think those things about you, too. They’re just hard to say right now.”

“You don’t have to say them. I know.”

“But I want to.”

“Do you want to try?”

Sera nodded, cheek rubbing against the pillow. Her words got caught like a lump in her throat and she strained to speak around it. “You’re the strongest person I know. You saved me. I owe you my life in every sense of the phrase. And I’d be your Beta every single time if given the choice again. You’re —” She faltered, not knowing how to speak with Parisa focused only on her. “You’re beautiful, inside and out.”

Parisa’s face was even more lovely with a rosy hue. She giggled and took her spot lying against Sera’s chest again, her arm wrapped around her middle. “You’re right. Compliments are hard to hear.”

“Told you.” Sera pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Sleep well, eshgham.” She nuzzled into the crook of Sera’s neck.

“Sweet dreams.” Sera smiled, closing her eyes and breathing in the scent of her Alpha, her Pari.

Sera woke without her alarm, blinking at the sun pouring through a window that was on the wrong side of her room. It took her a second to piece the prior evening back together, and when she remembered why half her body was so warm, her eyes flew open wide and she startled into alertness.

“I dreamt about you,” Parisa whispered beside her.

Sera’s cheeks flushed pink. “Hello,” she said, chest straining to contain her drumming heart.

Parisa propped herself up to gaze down at her and smiled. “You’re cute when you first wake up.”

Sera’s sleepy brain didn’t allow for a filter. “You’re hot.”

Parisa giggled. “I’m flattered.”

“And I’m embarrassed.” Sera could feel her blush spreading down her chest, but she couldn’t look away from Parisa. She was captivating in the afternoon sun that peeked through the curtains in her room. More of her hair had fallen free from the loose bun and Parisa’s face was framed in a chaotic beauty that suited her.

“You’re cute and honest in the afternoon. I like that. Maybe I should ask you some more pressing questions.”

“Oh, please don’t.”

Parisa grazed her fingertips across Sera’s nose. “I’ll spare you for now.” She grinned as she stretched her arms above her head “I absolutely do not want to get out of bed, but the day is marching on without us.” She tried to get out of bed, but Sera held onto her.

“Let it.”

“What?”

“Let the day march on, at least for now.”

“I’ve got a pack to run,” Parisa protested, even as she settled back down.

“And a Beta to keep happy.” Sera smiled before remembering herself. “But if you need to go, I’ll understand. Don’t let me keep you.”

“I’m happy to stay a little longer. Everything else can wait.” She slid back under the covers and rolled onto Sera’s pillow, pressing their foreheads together. “This is where I want to be.”

“We can’t stay here forever.”

“We can stay here for now. Besides, who’s going to say anything?”

Reminded of her pack, Sera felt a knot in her stomach. “Oh god,” she whispered, “I’m going to have to walk out of here. In broad daylight. In my pajamas.”

“It looks like we have some news to share.” Parisa laughed.

Sera looked Parisa in the eyes, searching for an ounce of worry but finding nothing. “How do you look so calm right now?”

“Because I’m happy.”

As Parisa leaned in towards her, she held her breath until the moment their lips touched. Sera wrapped her arms around Parisa’s back and her Alpha pressed against her. She could feel the tension in Parisa’s body and longed to be the one to guide her into truly letting go. She slid her tongue along the seam of Parisa’s lips.

Parisa pulled back and gasped. Sera didn’t move, worried she’d ruined the moment. Parisa stared down at her, lips parted. Seconds ticked past and Sera thought of what she could say to ensure Parisa knew she wasn’t pushing her into something she wasn’t ready for, but the moment she opened her mouth to speak, Parisa closed her eyes and leaned back in towards her.

Parisa took the lead, running the tip of her tongue along Sera’s lips. She parted for her and Parisa kissed her, hesitant at first, but gradually turning into something slow and deep. Sera melted at the feeling of Parisa licking into her mouth and she shuddered when she felt Parisa’s fingertips slide just under the hem of her t-shirt. The slight touch and the way Parisa’s kisses were growing hungrier were enough to let a moan slip from her lips.

Parisa yanked her head back and looked down at her, a wild but sad look in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she panted.

“For what?”

“I don’t want to stop, honestly I don’t. But there’s something that’s still holding me back. I’m sorry,” she repeated.

Sera carded her fingers through loose, thick brown hair. “We have time,” she reminded her. “And all I want is to spend that time with you. I’m not in any rush.”

Parisa worried her lip between her teeth and slowly nodded. “You’re sweet.”

“And you’re as sweet as you are strong.”

Parisa smiled but her eyes wandered towards the door. “Ready to tell the rest of our chaotic little family today?”

Sera puffed out a laugh, shaking her head. “Not in the slightest, but let’s do it.”

“We should close the bakery for a few hours tonight and have a pack dinner. I’ll talk about the challenge and then —” She trailed off, smiling too hard to speak.

“Tell them about this.”

“About us,” Parisa added. She looked at the door again. “You can leave through my study, that way it won’t look too suspicious.”

“I’m still in pajamas.”

“Right. Not much we could do about that. I could give you one of my dresses but I fear that would be much more telling.”

“I’m just going to make a run for it.”

With a few more kisses to start their day, Sera finally got out of bed and walked to Parisa’s study through the adjoining door. She took a deep breath, put her hand on the doorknob, flung the door open, and dashed through the house, passing surprised packmates until she was back in her own room, panting and grinning like a lovesick fool.

twenty-two

Going about their day as though nothing had changed in their lives was harder than Sera thought it should be. Any time she saw Parisa, it was difficult to stifle giggles or stop blushing. Because she had permission to touch her, not brushing her fingers along Parisa’s skin or pushing the hair from her face was tougher than any task she tackled throughout the day. The bakery had been busy, but it had done nothing to keep her thoughts from straying back to Parisa’s bedroom and what happened, what could have happened, and what would happen in the future.

When her shift was done and they were closing down the bakery for the pack dinner, nothing could keep Sera’s nerves at bay, not even the mini blackberry and lemon tartlet she gave herself as a treat for a job well done. Or just done. Sera wasn’t sure how she’d actually done that day.

She walked back to the house in a happy daze until she saw Jo huffing down the path in a torn shirt, eyes red and face puffy.

Sera caught up to them. “Jo, what’s wrong?”

Jo looked at her, bottom lip trembling. “I’m not good at any of this! And families can be awful.”

“What happened? Do you want to tell me?”

Jo nodded, glancing up at the sky as they sniffled. “All they do is judge my choices and tell me I’m doing the wrong thing, when they have no idea who I am now and don’t bother to try to get to know me at all. So they call, I pick up, I get worked up, and I almost wolf out — making this happen.” They picked at their torn shirt and let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know why I keep picking up the phone.”

“Almost?” Sera asked. “You mean you didn’t fully transform?”

Jo shook their head.

“That’s fantastic. I mean, not everything else, but look what you did. You managed to control your wolf.”

“Not really.” Jo shook their head. “Wil had to help me.”

“But you still did it. Only you can keep yourself grounded enough not to change.”

Jo shrugged their shoulders, staring at their feet as they kicked their toe into the dirt.

“And you managed to do it when you felt terrible,” Sera continued. “You really have grown so much.”

Jo looked at her. “Really?”

Sera smiled, finally able to get a good look at Jo’s face. “Absolutely. You’ve come so far in such a short time. I’m — I’m really proud of you.”

Jo pitched forward, wrapping their arms around Sera’s middle and squeezing her tight. They tucked their head over Sera’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

Jo waited a long moment before they spoke. “For being my family.”

Sera returned the hug. She had avoided Jo for so long not knowing this was something she needed. They stood there for a while in silence until Jo sniffled and pulled away. Jo smiled but it was nothing like their normal expression.

“I’ve got an idea,” Sera started. “But you tell me if you’d rather sit down and talk, or if you’d like a distraction.”

“Distraction,” Jo replied. “I know, I know, can’t bottle things up, but I am not in a place to go through all that now anyway.”

“Then we go for a run,” she suggested.

Jo quirked up an eyebrow in question.

“As wolves,” Sera added.

Jo shook their head. “I still can’t control it.”

“You can. I know you can. And I’ll be right there if anything happens.”

“I don’t know.” Worry crept into Jo’s features.

“We don’t have to. We can do something else, but I know it helps me, getting out of this skin for a little while.”

Jo waited a beat, fiddling with the hem of their torn shirt. “That would be nice. Being a human is the literal worst sometimes.”

Sera puffed out a quiet laugh. “Yes, it is.”

Jo stood up straighter, squaring their shoulders and wiping away the last few remaining tear trails with the back of their hand. “So where are we running to?”

“Anywhere. Or at least far enough away that you feel better, but close enough that we’ll make it back by dinner.”

“And you promise you’ll help if I can’t come back?”

“I don’t think you’ll need it, but I promise I’ll be there.”

Jo let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “You have no idea how much I needed someone to say that to me.” They sniffled. “Oh my gosh, enough of that. No more crying today. So —” They turned towards Sera, sounding more confident than they looked. “We running or what?”

By the time they made it back to the house, Jo’s smile had returned. They’d managed to shift back on their own. It wasn’t perfect, but Jo was improving.

Dinner was simple — a hearty beef stew that was easy to make in bulk to feed thirteen hungry stomachs. As the rest of her pack wolfed it down, Sera sat with her hands knotted in her lap, eating only when she felt like she must. If what Hugh had said was true, then this wouldn't be earth-shattering news, but Sera couldn’t shake the fear of disapproval from any one of her packmates.

“I wanted to speak to you all about the upcoming duel,” Parisa said towards the end of dinner, breaking Sera free from her spiraling thoughts. She stood and straightened her tailored, cherry-colored, quarter-sleeved dress.

“Last time, I was in the wrong. I’ll admit that. I prepared on my own for days, leaving the pack to fend for itself. And I left it to Wilma to inform you all because I thought that was for the best. Now I see that keeping the entire pack involved is what is best for all of us, me included. It took a reminder from our Beta Seraphine to make me see that.”

Sera glanced away, unable to look Parisa in the eyes as she felt heat blooming on her cheeks.

Parisa continued to explain the procedures down to every last detail. Most of the pack knew, but for those like Jo, who only knew modern werewolf life, a duel was ancient history.

Jo was full of questions that Parisa answered in a straight-forward way.

Yes, it would take place in a few days. Yes, Jason was challenging her authority over her pack. No, the pack couldn’t attend. Yes, Seraphine would be the only witness. No, their opponent’s death was not the final goal for either of them. Yes, if Parisa lost, the pack could stay with Jason or follow another Alpha.

“I’ll stay with you, win or lose,” Jo announced. “But you won’t lose.”

Several of their packmates nodded in silent agreement.

“Thank you, Jo. I do not intend to lose, but we are prepared for all eventualities.”

“Even the ones that won’t be necessary,” Sera added, unwilling to let any of them dwell too long on the idea of Parisa losing.

Parisa gave her a warm look before clearing her throat. “And in the spirit of sharing more to strengthen pack bonds, I have one more bit of news. I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just let the words tumble from my mouth,” she said, but then waited, a charged silence gripping the table. “Your Beta and I, that is to say, Seraphine and I are — we promise it won’t negatively impact anything and if it does, please just tell us and we’ll rectify the situation immediately — now together. As in, a couple. We’re a couple. Together.”

Seraphine stared holes into the table.

Edgar stood, clapped once, raised his hand in victory, and yelled, “Finally!”

Harry, Benny, and Jo shared a look of surprise, but the others exchanged knowing glances and grins.

“Congratulations. Wonderful news,” Carina said.

Diah stood up from the table, held out her arms for a hug and, realizing it was impossible to do so across the wide table, settled for clapping. “I’m so happy for you two.”

There was a chorus of congratulations, until Olive chimed in, “Everybody pay up. I was the closest.”

“Wait, what?” Jo turned towards her.

Olive waved her hand. “Just a pool we had going on that I just won. I knew it. I knew they’d take forever.”

“But not as long as I thought!” Emmaline laughed. She looked at the two of them. “I thought you two would take another year, at least. Not in a bad way, of course. Good things take time, you know?”

“I was the optimist. I lost by several months.” Edgar grinned at them, rubbing the back of his head.

“You all knew?” Benny’s eyes were open wide..

“I thought maybe, but never believed —” Harry trailed off.

“When you’ve been around these two as long as we have, it’s impossible not to know,” Lock said.

Billie laughed, the sound turning softer as she turned towards Sera and Parisa. “We were rooting for you two.”

“We just really, really wanted it to happen.” Emmaline threw her long braids over her shoulder and rested her chin on her palm. “We may have all tried to push the odds in our favor, too.”

“Like with certain book choices,” Edgar said.

Diah added, “Or by keeping everyone out of the living room.”

“Or by reminding you two about your alone time and then asking the restaurant to get you two good and wined up.” Carina grinned.

Sera was equal parts touched and mortified and sat there with her lips parted, saying nothing.

Parisa stood still as stone with a bewildered expression on her face until she shook herself out of it. “I’m not sure how I feel about everyone toying with their Alpha.”

“It wasn’t toying with you. We were helping,” Emmaline corrected her as a hush fell over the rest of the group.

“And none of you thought to tell either of us?” Parisa asked.

“You can’t force these things,” Emmaline continued. “You can give little pushes, but you can’t force anything to happen.”

Parisa looked at Sera, her cheeks dusted a rosy pink. Sera knew she was far more red because she could feel it spreading up her neck and meeting her bright, wide smile.

Days passed as the pack helped Parisa prepare and Sera spent the night cuddled up next to her in bed. It was just like Sera had wanted everything to be — like before, but better.

Leaving the greenhouse with a handful of brightly colored autumn mums, Sera hurried back to the pack house. The second duel was the following day and she had a plan to hopefully help with Parisa’s nerves. The flowers were the first step. The second part was asking her out on a date. Sera had everything planned. It was going to be bold, new, and out of their ordinary.

She had a short speech prepared, something more eloquent than she could usually manage, and was ready to tie the flowers together with some ribbon then knock on Parisa’s door, but she came face-to-face with the object of her immense affections as soon as she opened the back door.

“Pari!” Sera squeaked.

“There you are,” Parisa said. Her cheeks were flushed and she was dressed in casual clothes, skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat as though she’d just been running. “I was looking for you and could sense you were around here somewhere.”

“Flowers!” She blurted, holding out the tiny, loose bouquet. “I got you flowers.”

Parisa took them. “They remind me of the sunshine outside today.”

“A date!” Words were flying out of her louder and faster than she wanted. “I’m here to ask you on a date. Well, not here exactly. I was going to ask you in your study and had a whole thing planned, but now you’re here, and I already gave you the flowers, so now’s the right time, I guess. And maybe it’s not the right time, but I thought you might want a happy distraction tonight, but now I’m second guessing everything and, honestly, whatever you need to do to prepare tonight, I will help.”

“A date sounds perfect. And not as a distraction, but as a wonderful way to spend the evening.”

“Good.” Sera caught her breath. “Good,” she repeated, not knowing what else to say because the way Parisa was looking at her wiped her brain clean of all thoughts.

“What’s the plan for tonight? How should I dress?”

“Anything you want. I’m going to try to look nice, but you always look nice, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I always look nice, do I? Even like this?” She tugged on the end of her sweatshirt.

“Yes.” Sera could feel her skin warming.

“I’ll do a bit better than a matching sweatshirt and pants tonight.”

“You could wear that and still be the most perfect person in the room.”

Parisa pressed her palm to Sera’s cheek. “Your words are sweeter than honey and yet somehow I still believe them. You flatter me. I’m a sweaty mess right now.”

“You look strong.”

Parisa licked her bottom lip as she held Sera’s gaze. The heat in Parisa’s stare sent a shiver through Sera’s body.

“Thank you, my Beta. I feel strong today. And I’m certain a night out of the house will only improve my condition.”

“I have everything planned. Be ready around nine?”

“Looking forward to every moment of it.”

Sera’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned into the heat from Parisa’s palm.

Parisa kissed her other cheek and Sera’s eyes shot open. She grinned, a pleased laugh rumbling up from her chest. She swept Parisa into her arms and peppered her with kisses until they were both smiling too hard to continue.

twenty-three

Sera stood in front of her mirror in the outfit Billie and Harry had helped her pick out. They tried to make something date-worthy from her “sea of brown.” There was color in the pattern on her trousers. Parisa would like that.

“You can do this,” she said to the mirror, flashing two thumbs up. It didn’t help. Her palms were sweaty and her voice cracked when she spoke. It was a shame her wolf couldn’t go instead, but the wolf probably wasn’t a great dinner companion.

Gathering her courage, she stepped out of her room and rushed towards the front door, ignoring the knowing glances and grins she received on the way. Parisa was already there, waiting patiently in a long-sleeved navy dress with crisp white and gold details on the pockets and collar.

“Hi,” Sera said in a tiny voice, taking her in. Not a single hair was out of place. Parisa was perfect most days, but now she was well beyond that in a realm that only consisted of Parisa and people like her — no, no one else was like her.

She whipped her head around at the sound of shuffling behind her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw faces disappear around a corner.

“Hi,” Parisa echoed, pulling Sera’s attention back to her. “I’m ready if you are.” If she was nervous like Sera, she was hiding it well.

Sera felt eyes staring at her back. She nodded, heading for the front door. “Let’s get out of here.”

Once the door shut behind them, Sera took choppy steps down the path that led from the house to the bakery and the busy street it was on. Silence with Parisa had never been anything but comfortable, but now it was stifling.

Parisa’s earlier confidence had vanished, as well. She wrung her hands together and kept glancing in Sera’s direction.

“I thought we’d try somewhere new,” Sera said, once they reached the sidewalk in front of the bakery. She weaved past a tourist couple that weren’t paying attention to where they were going. “I may have asked every single one of our packmates for places to go tonight. I got too many different opinions, often conflicting, and ended up more confused than when I started, but I did find one place I wanted to try. Up for a drink to start the evening?”

“A drink first? Feels naughty, like having dessert before dinner.” Parisa bumped their shoulders together. “I like it.”

Sera’s shoulders relaxed. Parisa stopped wringing her hands. They fell by her side, gently swinging where they poked out of her warm coat.

“Harry and Billie helped me get dressed today.”

“I think they did well.”

“I didn’t give them much to work with, but I did make sure to include color. Have you spotted it yet? There’s orange and red”.

“That orange is definitely brown, but I happily accept your offering of red.”

“It’s orange and you know it.”

“Sera, I have excellent werewolf abilities, but even I can’t see colors that don’t exist.”

“Where’s the line between a warm light brown and orange anyway? It’s orange.”

“You look good in all your neutrals. I wouldn't worry so much.”

Staring at her shoes, Sera mumbled, “You look nice, too.”

Parisa’s hand wriggled against hers before their fingers slotted together. Sera inhaled with surprise and the light touch made her skin tingle.

“So, tell me, what’d I miss at the bakery today?” Parisa asked.

Sera took a moment to find her voice, but with each word, she settled into something more comfortable with Parisa. Swinging their hands at their sides, she told Parisa about her day, about their favorite regulars at Violet Moon, and complained about some of the less than wonderful moments. Parisa chimed in as she did, adding a quick burst of laughter or her own thoughts, and it felt a lot like every night that’d come before in front of the fireplace, but so much better.

Sera led them to the bottom floor of one of the more expensive, trendier hotels in the city. She peered inside and got a sinking feeling she was underdressed.

“Carina recommended this one,” she said as she opened the tall glass door.

She bumbled her way through their reservation with the sharply dressed man out front and they were shown to a linen draped table towards the center of the creamy white room with chandeliers dotting the ceiling. With every step, Sera felt her unease creeping back in. She tensed and curled into herself.

Even after trying to settle in, it didn’t get better. She stumbled her way through ordering and failed to find ways to make conversation. She wished they were back out on the sidewalk, talking and holding hands.

When their drinks came, she stared at the small sphere filled with smoke floating on top of her drink. It looked interesting, but her first sip was awkward because her nose kept pushing into the sugar sphere and smoky bubbles kept bursting up from the bottom.

Parisa laughed and Sera jolted upright.

“So help me, I didn’t think the simple act of drinking a beverage required so much work.” Parisa held up two pipettes of liquid that had been served on a plate along with her cocktail. “It’s interesting. New.”

Sera searched for positive words, but found none. “I keep wondering what Jamie would make for me tonight.”

“I often wish to be somewhere with taxidermied animals staring at me. There’s a distinct lack of dead, empty eyes looking at me right now and I miss it.” Parisa grinned. “I was going to suggest we eat here, too, but I saw the portions floating around and they’re not nearly enough for two hungry wolves.”

Sera sat up straighter, a hopeful smile on her lips. “I think this warrants a visit to our favorite place.”

“I was just about to suggest the same thing. Quick, swallow your sphere and let’s get out of here.”

Back out on the street, giggles claimed them both as a sense of relief washed over Sera.

“I adore Carina, but that might be the last time I take one of her suggestions,” Sera said.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Parisa consoled.

“Please, it was ridiculous. And now I’m starving.” Sera took a deep breath to steady herself and then wound her fingers through Parisa’s. “I wanted our first night out to feel new and special, but —”

Parisa squeezed her hand and ran her thumb along Sera’s skin. “It is special, though. We can go to all our favorite places.”

Sera smiled as she tugged her coat tighter around herself. Maybe this is what ‘before but better’ could look like. Maybe not everything had to change to be special. Everything they already had was special enough. It was what got them here and Sera wanted to celebrate that.

The restaurant was busy when they got there, but the staff recognized them and managed to find a spot for them near the back.

Parisa sat with a contented sigh. “This feels better.”

Sera took the seat opposite her. “Now it’s a date,” she said. She gazed at Parisa across the table in the flickering candlelight. “I can look at you properly now, and you’re as gorgeous as ever.” She felt heat in her cheeks as she said it, but she maintained eye contact, not shying away.

“You couldn’t see me properly before?”

“I was a ball of nerves before and you’re really hard to look at when I’m nervous.”

“And why’s that?” Parisa asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

Sera gave her a look. “You know why.”

“No, please. Enlighten me.”

“It’s the same reason you kept wringing your hands together on the walk over.”

“You noticed that? Fine. I also find it hard to look right at you when my heart is doing somersaults in my chest, but you’re particularly dapper this evening.”

“‘Dapper,’ huh?” Sera smirked.

“Yes.” Parisa grinned. “But it’s not the clothes that make you exceptional this evening.”

The noise of a busy restaurant surrounded them, but all Sera could see was Parisa, all she could hear was Parisa’s soft breaths, all she could smell was the inviting scent of her Alpha. It was hard to concentrate on eating, but somehow she managed, and by the time they were back out on the sidewalk, Sera was full and content, if a bit chilly with the autumn wind whipping past them.

Without needing to discuss it, they headed in the direction of their favorite bar and ordered the same things they always did when they got there. Parisa had her Old Fashioned and Sera let Jaime make whatever she was feeling that night, which ended up being a bourbon-based drink with herbal and cherry notes.

With beverages in hand, they looked for a spot away from the crowd at the edges of the room. Finding nothing downstairs, they climbed the creaky steps up to the rooftop and settled in to a loveseat near a heater. They’d sat together like this hundreds of times before, many times at this same bar, but with everything feeling so new, Sera felt her body grow warm at every point where they touched. Her hand itched to reach out towards Parisa, but she stopped herself, looking around the rooftop at the other faces around them.

“Do you think —” Sera started, unsure of how to finish. She thought of Jaime downstairs. “Do you think someone looking at us now, someone who knows who we are, would notice anything had changed?”

Parisa followed her gaze around the rooftop. “I don’t believe so. We’ve always been close.”

“But do you want them to notice something different?”

Parisa leaned in towards her, their eyes meeting. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, should we be —” But the rest of her words died on her tongue as Parisa leaned in towards her. Sera no longer cared that people could see them. She leaned in the rest of the way and slipped her fingers into Parisa’s hair. Parisa’s lips were soft and warm against her own, and she tasted like her Old Fashioned, smoky and little sweet, with a hint of the bitters settling on her tongue as she slid it across her Alpha’s lips.

Awareness of where they were began to hit her once again. She started to pull away, but Parisa held onto her, deepening the kiss and refusing to let go. Sera sat down her drink and gave in, resting her other hand on Parisa’s hip as she leaned into her.

Maybe it was getting out of the pack house. Maybe it was the fact that this was a date. Whatever the reason, Parisa was far more open and willing and Sera couldn’t let herself spoil the moment with something as silly as decency. It was dark up here, after all. She let her hands roam and slid her tongue into Parisa’s mouth because there was no more tense resistance. Parisa was hers and she was high on the feeling of it.

Parisa’s palm pressed into her thigh and heat spread through Sera’s body, her mind flooding with images of Parisa against her white sheets, naked with her hair splayed across her pillow, sounds of pleasure dripping from her lips. Sera needed to hear those. She needed to know what Parisa was like when she finally let go. She was just now getting a taste and it only made her starved for more.

Sera slid her hand up Parisa’s stomach and dared to let her fingertips graze her soft curves through her dress.

Parisa pulled back on a laugh, guiding Sera’s hand away. “Now that might be a little much for our current surroundings.”

Sera’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You make me want to get carried away, too.” She paused, cupping Sera’s cheek. “I’m getting there eshgham, I promise. It’s just that these casual touches were all I allowed myself for decades and now that I can do more — it’s overwhelming sometimes. I’m very aware that everything is new and yet nothing is new because it’s you.”

“Exactly, so how do we do this?” Sera asked, settling back in her own seat. “What’s supposed to change?”

“I don’t really want anything to change.”

“So it’s just the same?”

“With more?” Parisa added.

“With a little more. Like a really good ice cream from that place downtown only now it’s got sprinkles on top.”

“Like a good meal at our favorite restaurant but it comes with a perfectly paired wine.”

“Yes.” Sera smiled. “I like that.”

“Me, too.” Parisa paused. “Are kisses the sprinkles?”

Sera sputtered as she took a sip of her drink. “That was a ridiculously adorable thing to say. And maybe.”

“If it’s not kisses, then what are those ‘sprinkles’ you mentioned? What are we adding to what we already have?” Parisa leaned in with a sly grin. She lowered her voice, “What do I get to look forward to?”

“I don’t know,” she deflected, embarrassment washing over her again “What’s the wine you mentioned, then? You just like to see me flustered, don’t you?”

“Yes. Absolutely,” Parisa admitted with a laugh. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“And you’re sexy when you do literally anything.” Parisa froze and Sera felt victorious. “I like to see you flustered, too.”

Parisa ran her finger around the edge of her glass. “So this is what we’ll do, then? Make flustered messes out of the other to see who wins?”

“If we make it a game, then I’m definitely playing to win.”

“I wouldn't expect anything less from you.” Parisa got quiet for a moment, staring across the rooftop without looking at anything in particular. “Honestly, though, I’ve got a lot going on in the back of my mind — of course I do given the circumstances which I’m choosing to ignore — not the least of which is how I’m supposed to act now that we’re this and not just friends anymore. It’s been ages since I’ve dated, so I’ve forgotten how to do this, and the only thing I know is how I always am around you.”

“I like who you are around me. Nothing needs to change.”

“But some things will. Good things, right?” Parisa’s lips quirked up in the corners. “Like before, but better.” She took a long sip of her drink and looked Sera in the eyes. “After tomorrow, everything will be better,” she said with finality.

Sera nodded sharply as pride, more than worry, filled her heart. “It will be over before it begins.”

“He’s a tough adversary.”

“Not nearly as strong as you.”

“It won’t be like the last time,” Parisa repeated, more to herself than to Sera. “Everything is different now.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“I know. I was wrong to keep everyone out. And even though I allowed you to be there physically, I didn’t let you support me, not in any real way. I focused only on what I could do alone, which was less than I thought I could do.”

“You would have won last time. I know it. If I hadn’t —”

“If you hadn’t interrupted, I don’t know what would have happened. I was surprised and overwhelmed from the start, always playing catch-up.” She paused. “I was furious with you for not trusting me, but truthfully, I didn’t trust myself in that moment.”

“You would have won,” Sera repeated.

“I will this time.” Parisa’s gaze was intense. “There will be no question about who is the stronger Alpha when I’m finished.”

twenty-four

“You ready?” Sera asked Parisa, but she already knew the answer.

Parisa was shedding layers, face twisted in determination. “Ready,” she growled. Gone was the softness from last night. In her place stood a woman who’d been tested time and time again and come out on the other side stronger than before.

She was dauntless in the face of her challenger. Jason was jumpy, itching to fight and hurling taunts across the clearing. Parisa didn’t dignify any of it with a response until she’d finally had enough.

“Stop wasting my time,” Parisa called out. “Are we talking or are we fighting?”

She turned towards Sera, placed a hand on the back of Sera’s neck, and pulled her in for a kiss. Parisa grinned. “Now I’m ready.” She played with the short hairs at the nape of Sera’s neck. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“Always.”

“I love you. Don’t worry.”

“I love you, too.”

Parisa stepped back, stripped, and shifted into her wolf. She was confident before, but there hadn’t been this self-assured calm in her actions. She moved around the edge of the clearing as though she’d already won. Perhaps, in her mind, she had.

Jason snapped his teeth and growled at the other end, his gray and white fur standing on end.

Parisa didn’t wait for him to attack first. She went on the offensive from the beginning, barrelling into him and knocking him off his feet. He flew back into his witness, but got up, angrier than before. He rushed to retaliate, but Parisa was ready. She lunged at him before he could reach her, going for his neck. He dodged at the last second and she only grazed his side, but she’d still made contact and her message was clear. She wasn’t backing down today.

Jason’s rage grew with every slash of teeth, every time he was knocked to the ground. He moved with a desperation to prove himself while Parisa was smooth and in control with every step. Jason became harder to predict as his anger boiled over, and Parisa misstepped, giving him an opening to bring her down.

Sera clenched her hands into hard fists at her side. Her pulse was racing as she was forced to watch and, despite what Parisa said, worry. For all the faith she had in her Alpha, it was still hard to watch her go through this.

Jason dove in towards Parisa’s neck. Sera gasped, staggering forward, but Parisa growled and shoved him off, flinging him to the side as she stood. He crumpled when he hit the ground and he had deep gashes in his skin as proof that Parisa had gotten the best of him more than once. Parisa bore her own wounds, but far fewer and they were shallow enough that they were already healing.

Jason snarled as he tried to stand, but Parisa was already on him, pinning him to the ground as he attempted to bite her legs. Parisa sunk her teeth into his neck as a warning, but Jason refused to give up.

“Yield!” His witness called out from the edge of the clearing.

Jason let out a sickening growl. He snapped his jaws, still trying to tear out bits of Parisa’s fur, but it was futile. She had a hold on him and he was growing weaker from blood loss and exertion. Parisa had won from the very beginning. It was clear to everyone except Jason.

Parisa bit down harder and he howled in pain.

“Yield!” his witness shouted again.

Parisa gave him one final shove into the ground and backed off, giving him space to breathe. Jason stood on trembling legs, still trying to dash forward, but stumbled and fell before he could reach Parisa. He started to shift back, yelping in pain as his bones cracked and reformed. It wasn’t a planned transformation. It was his wolf retreating.

His witness rushed over to tend to his wounds and Parisa walked over on all fours towards her pile of clothes. She let go of the wolf and emerged as her human self with a heavy sigh. She got dressed in the loose-fitting dress she’d worn here and finally turned to Sera.

“I told you not to worry.” Parisa’s chest heaved with the need for deeper breaths.

Sera opened her mouth to speak, but Jason shouted, “It’s not over! I haven’t yielded!”

Parisa grit her teeth. She swung around, fists clenched at her sides. “It’s over.”

“I don’t yield!”

“He yields,” his witness said.

Jason flung his witness off of him and tried to look as intimidating as he could manage from the ground. “I don’t yield, so you’ll have to kill me.”

“Never. The old ways are dead.”

“Just like you’ll be if you let me live.”

“Are you trying to provoke me? It won’t work. You’ve lost. You and I both know it.”

“I don’t yield to you!” Jason screamed. His witness tried, and failed, to get him to stop talking. “I don’t recognize you as an Alpha!”

“Your opinion means nothing,” Parisa responded, shoulders squared, chin tilted up as she walked towards him. She stopped next to his prone body. “Yield,” she ordered.

“Never.”

“I don’t need your agreement.” With one swift smack to the side of his head, Jason was knocked out cold, falling into his witness’ arms.

Sera rushed to Parisa’s side as she walked away from Jason.

“It’s done,” Parisa said.

“I never had any doubt.” Sera wanted to hug her, but she was aware of making her look weak in front of others, so she stood back, arms twitching at her sides.

Parisa had no such reservations. She grabbed the front of Sera’s shirt and pulled her forward, bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss. Sera gasped and Parisa slid inside of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut as she held on to Parisa to keep standing, kissing her back and trying to match Parisa’s fervor, but coming up short. Parisa was as much a dominating presence as she’d been minutes ago, claiming Sera as hers with every lick and nip of her kissed-red lips.

Behind them, Jason coughed his way to alertness. Parisa pulled away, leaving Sera with a need for more of whatever that had been.

“I didn’t yield. It’s not over.”

“You passed out. It’s finished,” Parisa snapped.

Jason’s witness tried to tell him the same, but Jason got to his feet on shaky legs. He jabbed a finger forward towards Parisa. “I don’t adhere to the new rules.”

“And I don’t recognize the ones we’ve left behind.”

“I don’t recognize your authority.”

“I don’t need you to. It’s already mine.”

Jason seethed for several moments before he shouted, “Fine! I yield, but I can’t go back to my pack! Clyde knows what I’ve done here. I don’t fit there. I never have. I have nothing!”

“And so you try to take from me what I have built? Try to take my family from me?” Parisa laughed. “Do you think your experience is unique? The only difference is the rest of us don’t go around trying to claim a pack they have no right to.”

“But I —”

“Already have a pack.” Sera stepped in. “And you still might have one if you learn to control the gift you’ve received. It’s up to you to decide to embrace it or let it curse you. Learn from Alpha Clyde. He’s more of an Alpha than you could ever hope to be.” She turned her back to him.

“I’m finished here.” Parisa said, wrapping a possessive arm around Sera’s waist. She nuzzled into Sera’s neck, her breath hot along her skin. “Let’s go home.”

The moment Parisa’s bedroom door closed, she pressed Sera against the wood, kissing her hard enough to give Sera no room to think of anything other than what was happening. Parisa tasted like sweat and felt like power beneath her palms. Sera tried to fill as many of her senses with Parisa as she could — the taste of her skin, the sound of her panting breaths, the sight of her Alpha focused only on her. Parisa was an entirely different version of herself with victory running hot in her veins.

Sera tried to rise to the level of her Alpha. She met every passionate kiss with one of her own. Her back kept hitting the door, rattling it on its hinges, and the thought of their packmates on the other side knowing what they were doing made Sera shiver. She pressed closer to Parisa, sliding her arms around her waist and wishing their clothes weren’t between them now.

Parisa pulled back, her stare searing. She licked her lips, eyes flashing a wolfish amber. She gripped the front of Sera’s shirt and pulled, making two buttons fly off somewhere in the room.

“Pari!” Sera gasped.

Parisa dove into the crux of her neck, licking at the supple skin. Sera melted into the feeling until two sharp teeth scraped along her neck. Her eyes bolted open wide as a moan slipped free from her throat. Her Alpha growled in response, those teeth pressing in just a bit harder.

Heat pooled between Sera’s legs as Parisa’s tongue lapped at her skin and her Alpha’s hands wandered her body. Sera relaxed and gave into it, letting her head hit the door behind her as she tilted her neck to give Parisa more skin to touch. Her Alpha licked a long line up the length of her skin and didn’t stop, licking into her mouth with a growing hunger. Parisa was everywhere. Her scent and the feeling of her hands on her skin filled her senses until there was nothing left but Parisa.

She gripped her fingers into Parisa’s thick hair and pulled, eliciting another low growl from her Alpha. Parisa yanked on the button and zipper on her trousers. Again, the door rattled on its hinges.

“Pari, we should —” Move to the bed. Be anywhere but here. But Sera couldn’t manage another word because her Alpha was drinking her in with her stare, eyes amber, features sharp. Parisa wasn’t transforming, but she was riding the edge of untamed wildness.

In one swift motion, Parisa slipped her arms around her and hoisted Sera up by her thighs. Sera wrapped her legs around her as they fell back together, sharing open-mouthed kisses and panting breaths. They stumbled backwards towards the bed and collapsed in a heap when the backs of Parisa’s legs hit the mattress. Straddling her Alpha, Sera felt her own want stirring low in her belly. Her Alpha was soft but strong beneath her hands, and she felt the same kind of power laced with tenderness when Parisa’s hands slid up under her shirt along her back.

They melted into one another, Parisa’s heat pouring into every inch of Sera’s body. Sera spread her legs wider on the bed and pressed her body against the firm muscles and soft curves below her, opening herself to feel Parisa everywhere. Her Alpha fit so well in her arms and along the lines of her body. Their lives fit together and had for decades. It didn’t need to be any more complicated than that.

“Pari,” she gasped.

Parisa stilled for a moment, pulling back to look Sera in the eyes. The amber in her eyes gave way to an emerald green. “Eshgham, please, can I —”

“Anything. You can do anything.”

Parisa nuzzled against her neck. Her warm breath and her touch made Sera shiver, and she sighed into the touch as Parisa began peppering her neck with kisses. She rolled them both to the side until Sera’s back was against the soft, white sheets.

Parisa gave Sera a look that pinned her in place, and stood. She reached behind herself and pulled at the zipper of her dress until it loosened around her shoulders and fell to the floor. Everything else soon followed. Parisa stood there, naked and confident. Sera couldn’t tear her eyes away. Parisa eased back onto the bed and slowly unbuttoned the rest of Sera’s shirt, kissing each inch of skin as it was revealed.

Sera squirmed under the attention, part of her wishing they could go back to how it was before — fast and frantic. It was so much easier not to think that way. With Parisa making her way down her body, there was nowhere to hide.

Parisa pressed kisses up her body and claimed her lips once again. Sera could lose herself in this. With Parisa’s bare chest against her own, the weight of her pressing her into the bed, Sera kissed her back, desperate to rediscover the same hunger they’d had moments before. Parisa answered every kiss, every touch with one of her own. Back and forth, they traded need until soft moans passed in the scarce space between them.

It would have gone quicker if they could separate, but Parisa managed to get Sera’s trousers off. They were tossed somewhere in the room, along with her shirt and everything else, until they were a tangled mess on Parisa’s bed, rocking together to feel more of each other, to take everything they were offered.

Parisa’s skin felt sacred beneath her palms. She worshiped every inch of her that she could reach with her lips or her hands. She was corded muscle and strength. She was soft curves and tenderness. Parisa was everything.

Parisa’s hand wriggled between her thighs, fingers slipping past her sensitive skin. Sera broke their kiss, her head pushing back into the bed on a gasp. Her Alpha trailed a finger along where heat pooled between her legs before gently slipping in. Sera choked on a stuttered moan and Parisa was there to taste the sound with her tongue, sliding into her mouth as she moved her finger.

The touch was gentle, barely there, but it was enough to wipe Sera’s brain clean. Parisa responded to every buck of Sera’s hips, every moan and gasp. She was unraveling at the hands of her Alpha.

Parisa straddled her thigh and Sera could feel her heat pressed against her skin, rocking gently, but deliberately. Her Alpha was using her body to feel good and that made Sera’s need burn hotter.

She ignored what lay beyond these walls and was as loud as she wanted to be. The louder she was, the more Parisa gave her until she felt telltale prickles of pleasure building. She cried out Parisa’s name, and her Alpha kissed her the moment her pleasure overtook her.

Parisa pulled her head back on a shuddered sigh. Her eyes were closed, mouth open, hair falling loose around her face and past her shoulders. The most beautiful sounds poured from her lips as she rode Sera’s thigh, parting her legs until Sera’s skin was wet. She was perfect as she finally let go. Sera cupped her chin, in awe of what she was allowed to see. Parisa’s hips stuttered and her hands gripped Sera’s waist as she rode out her release.

Sera needed more of this version of Parisa. She took hold of her sides and flipped their positions, settling between her thighs and kissing her way down her body.

“Sera! What are you —”

She nestled between Parisa’s breasts and kissed her soft skin. She mouthed along her curves, stopping to flick a pert nipple with her tongue. Parisa squirmed and Sera grinned against her skin. She licked a long stripe in the valley between her breasts before sucking a nipple into her mouth, her free hand wandering to the other to gently pinch it between her fingers, harder when it made Parisa hiss and lift her hips up from the bed.

Slowly, she let her hand glide down Parisa’s body, down her stomach, past her waist, until she could tease her with the tip of her finger. Parisa squeezed her thighs together, hands flying up to clutch at Sera’s back and the nape of her neck. Sera rubbed a soothing palm along her stomach, then did it again, slipping inside a little more each time, and Parisa responded loudly, encouragingly, chasing more of her touch.

Emboldened, Sera kissed down the same path, taking her time to give attention to every bit of skin she passed, burning this feeling into her memory as she mapped Parisa with her lips. Parisa tensed the lower she got, but she had no plans on stopping unless Parisa told her to. She’d listen to the sounds she made, listen to her body, but she was high on the desire of giving everything she could to her Alpha.

Sera reached the heat between Parisa’s legs and with the first pass of her tongue, Parisa cried out, gripping the back of Sera’s head involuntarily as her hips bucked up from the bed. Her thighs squeezed around Sera’s head as she moaned, the loudest of the night so far. Sera felt prickles of pleasure between her own legs. She tried to slow herself, but the want inside of her was too great. Sera grabbed hold of Parisa’s thighs, guiding them apart as she tilted her head to give Parisa more of what she was crying out for. Parisa squirmed under her attention, but Sera held her still, focused on coaxing more unbridled shouts of pleasure from her Alpha.

Parisa’s groans became a litany of Sera’s name. She gripped the sheets for anything to hold onto as her words melted into a low moan that hitched every time Sera gave her what she needed. Sera buried her tongue inside of her, licking her warmth with gentle but firm, insistent strokes. Parisa let out a primal growl and Sera glanced up to see her face pinched in pleasure, eyes screwed shut. Her chest rose and fell in quick, shallow breaths.

Parisa rocked her hips to meet every pass of her tongue. “There. Right there. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

With her breathless demands making her want run thick and hot through her veins, Sera gave her more of what she needed until her mouth was tired, until spit and her slick dripped down her chin, and Parisa came, moaning and crying out, hand gripping the back of Sera’s neck. Sera slipped her tongue through the mess as much as she could before Parisa was writhing from overstimulation.

Sera crawled back up the bed, falling beside Parisa. She heaved out a breath as Parisa collapsed against her, hair spilling everywhere as she found a place for herself in the crook of Sera’s neck.

“So that was nice,” Sera panted, stroking her fingers through Parisa’s hair.

“Everything with you is good.” Parisa’s voice was muffled by Sera’s body. “But heavens, that was something else. I’ll have to pay you back for that soon.”

“Anytime, Pari. There’s no rush.”

Parisa lifted her head, fondness in her gaze. “There might not be a rush, but I tend to do what I want to do.” She glanced at the floor and made a face. “Sorry about your shirt.”

Sera puffed out a laugh. “I really couldn’t care less at this point.”

“I got a little carried away. Adrenaline can do a lot to a person.”

Sera curled her lips into a grin. “Would you like to get carried away again?”

“Absolutely. Yes.” Parisa yawned. “Just give me a few minutes. After that last burst of energy, I think I’m spent.” Her eyes fluttered shut.

“Take as much time as you need,” Sera said, snuggling into the sheets and closer to her Alpha. It took her a moment to realize Parisa was already asleep, her lips parted as steady breaths came in and out.

With everything that happened today, Sera was far too awake to sleep now. She hadn’t fought like Parisa had and, after what they just did, her body was buzzing with energy. Her mind raced after each passing thought until she wasn’t sure what she was thinking about. She lay there, staring at the ceiling with Parisa next to her, and finally let herself process the day.

She could have lost everything. She could have lost Parisa. In her rational mind, she knew that it wasn’t going to happen, but her emotions refused to listen. The delayed fear set in and she rolled onto her side to hold Parisa closer.

She couldn’t make it through losing the family she had now. Losing her family once already made this one even more precious.

Sera buried her face in Parisa’s thick hair and breathed her in.

Parisa awoke some time later, slowly stirring to life. Sera had spent that time swaying between worry, grief, and gratitude for what she had.

Wrapping an arm around Sera’s waist, Parisa whispered, “Nice to wake up and find you so close.”

“I wasn’t going to leave.”

“Somehow I knew that.” Parisa buried her face against Sera’s chest.

Thoughts swirled within her and Sera knew she could choose to bury them again or open the door wider and let Parisa in. “Do you ever think about your past? Your human past?”

“Sometimes, but it was so long ago that often it feels like it happened to someone else. Why? Do you?”

“More lately than before.” She paused, feeling that twist in her chest. “Jo reminds me of my brother. Memories that were fuzzy are clearer now and I see his face in people I see at the bakery or around town. It’s like he’s haunting me.”

“Or still with you.”

“But that’s the thing. Can he still be with me when I barely remember him? Or any of the rest of my family? The transformation took so much away from me. So did those years of madness. You helped piece me back together —” Sera turned onto her side to face Parisa. She grabbed hold of her hand and intertwined their fingers. “But there’s so much I lost. Can’t it all stay buried?”

“Do you want it to?”

Sera nodded against her pillow. “It’s easier that way.”

Parisa snuggled closer, tucking her head under Sera’s chin and resting against her chest, their hands still woven together between them. “I used to think the same. I pushed away any thoughts of my family because they’d never been who I’d needed them to be for me. And it worked for a long time, but slowly, those bitter memories were replaced by softer ones and I began to long for their company even though many of them were long since gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I made my choice and I don’t regret it. But you didn’t have a choice.” Parisa pressed a hand to Sera’s heart. “I mourn for you, those years you lost.”

Sera wanted to brush it off with some dismissive remark, but instead she sat with the feelings that welled up inside of her. “I wish I could forget, but there’s something bittersweet about not being able to. It hurts, but I want it to.” She shut her eyes tight. “Not that I want to hurt, but at least then they’re not —”

“Completely gone,” Parisa finished.

Sera wrapped her arms tight around her back and nodded into her hair.

“It hurts to remember but it’s a good kind of hurt,” Parisa added, giving voice to the feelings Sera had been trying to figure out all this time.

“It’s hard to know what to do when what I do remember is strong but fuzzy. I can’t make out details most of the time, and then other times, it’s crystal clear, like I’m still there.”

Parisa wrapped an arm around Sera’s waist. “Thank you for telling me. I don’t talk much about my past, but I’ll try. I’ve had too much practice burying it and what I let out is only what I choose and only small bits that don’t hurt much. You’re brave, you know that, right?”

Sera laughed.

“I mean it. You tell me how you feel even when I’d said that you and I couldn’t be together. You share your deepest wounds with me so openly.”

“I wouldn't call this ‘openly,’ it’s just me —”

“Own it for once, will you?”

“Is that an order, Alpha?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t always follow the rules,” Sera deflected.

“Sera,” Parisa said in a warning tone.

She broke their stare to look up at the ceiling. Despite everything that she’d said out loud, this was even harder. Sera blinked back the stinging behind her eyes and sighed. “Sometimes I’m brave.”

Parisa cuddled closer again. “Was that so hard?”

“Yes. Yes, it was.” Sera poked her in the shoulder.

“Keep doing it and maybe I’ll be brave, too. I have things I haven’t allowed myself to think about in decades, let alone speak aloud.”

“Take your time.”

“I need to be at least as brave as my Beta.”

“I don’t think you need to worry about that. I saw you fight today.”

Parisa sighed against Sera’s skin. “Your bravery is a much scarier thing to embrace.”

“Maybe.” Sera ran her fingers through Parisa’s hair. “I don’t want to get so caught up in chasing these pieces of the past that I forget the present. What I have now — you, the pack — is so important to me. I feel a heaviness inside about the life I didn’t get to have, but I have this one now and I wouldn't change anything.”

She tucked her face against Parisa’s hair and held her close. “I’m glad you’re here. Now. Everyday. I’m so glad I have you.”

Sera felt it again — a good kind of hurt. Laying herself bare was frightening, but as she held Parisa in the quiet moments after, she felt more whole than she had in years. There were no more pieces missing.

twenty-five

By the time they finally made it out of Parisa’s room, the pack was busy preparing a celebration dinner. It was late for some of them, but the energy in the house was electric. The quiet tension that had gripped them for weeks had finally relinquished its hold and everything was springing back to life.

Sera tried to sneak back to her room for a moment’s peace before the festivities, but Emmaline grabbed her instead.

“I’ve got a task especially for you. Let’s go bake.” She winked and Sera found herself being dragged all the way to the Emmaline’s where some choux pastry was waiting for her.

“How come you always poke at the pastry like it’s going to bite you?” Emmaline asked with a chuckle.

“How do you know it’s not going to bite me? I just don’t like getting my hands sticky.”

“Sure it’s not anything else?” Emmaline bumped their shoulders together. When Sera said nothing, she relented. “Alright, if there’s something you don’t want to talk about, you can just say so.”

“I did talk about some things today, thank you very much,” Sera said. “With Parisa. And it was terrible. But okay, I guess.”

Emmaline smiled. “You seemed a little less tightly wound. I figured that was for more scandalous reasons.”

“Emmaline!” Sera scolded with a laugh.

“Didn’t know it was because you spilled out some of those ooey-gooey, messy parts of yourself to somebody. Always important.”

“Is it, though? Can’t I just keep closing things up in the little safe I built in my brain?”

“Did that work?”

“For a long time it did.”

“And then?”

“Then it only worked sometimes and other times it slipped out and poisoned everything.”

Emmaline’s features softened. “Things can’t stay buried forever. Heaven knows I’ve tried.”

A tiny smile crept onto Sera’s face. “Good to know I’m not alone.”

“We’re all trying to bury something, but sometimes you’ve got to unearth it so you can keep on living.”

“Why can’t things just stay buried?”

“Because that’s not how our brains work. I don’t know who’s in control up there, but it ain’t me.” Emmaline laughed.

Sera did, too, and she felt the tension drain from her shoulders.

“Whether or not you can bake, you’re still a great Beta.”

Sera stopped working the dough between her hands. There were still some things she couldn’t say out loud, couldn’t own enough to tackle them head on, but she was getting closer. She could get there.

Instead of making a joke, Sera said, “Thank you. Sometimes I need to hear that. I don’t like to need it, but I need it.”

“Sometimes we all need some validation.”

“You, too?”

“Always!”

“Well, then you’re an excellent baker. You make those cases in the front bloom with the most beautiful tarts.”

Emmaline smiled. “Now that we’re all feeling good about ourselves, these eclairs aren’t going to make themselves and I know that this particular recipe is one of Alpha Parisa’s favorites.”

“Is that supposed to make me want to bake them more?”

“Of course it is! So grab that bowl of chocolate and help me out.”

The pack closed the bakery and gathered around the old oak dining table again to celebrate. They laughed, drank, and ate too much food and too many desserts. Wilma had led the cooking team to victory, preparing enough dishes to be worthy of being called a feast. Billie and Lock brought tartlets from the bakery. Sera and Emmaline’s eclairs were vastly different shapes depending on who made them, but they all tasted great.

“You outdid yourself.” Parisa smiled, putting the end of another eclair in her mouth.

Sera beamed with pride and reached over to use her thumb to wipe Parisa’s cheek. “You’ve got a little something.”

At the last second Parisa turned and gently pulled Sera’s thumb into her mouth. Sera leapt back, eyes darting around the table to see if anyone saw.

Emmaline gave them both a look.

Parisa smirked, pleased with herself.

“So what was it like? The challenge?” Jo asked, reaching for another tartlet.

Wilma elbowed them.

“It’s fine,” Parisa said to Wilma. “That’s partially what we’re here to celebrate, isn’t it? He fought well, like before, but my victory was decisive this time”

“That means she kicked his ass,” Jo said, sitting back in their chair looking smug on behalf of their Alpha.

Parisa opened her mouth, but Sera spoke first, “Since I was there, I can agree with that.”

“Awesome. I knew everything would be okay. But still, glad it’s over,” Jo said.

“As am I. Time to put that mess behind us and focus on what’s next,” Parisa added.

Emmaline turned towards Parisa with a sly grin. “So what is next for you two? Another date night? A trip somewhere? I’ve got suggestions.”

Sera rolled her eyes with a grin. “You know she was talking about the pack.”

“Yes, but I have things I want to know. The pack will grow and flourish because that’s what we do. What we all need to know is what’s happening with you two next.” She gestured between them with her drink and winked.

Ten other faces turned to look directly at them.

Sera cleared her throat and responded, “That’s for us to know and you all to place bets on, apparently.”

“Don’t worry. There’s plenty more for us to guess. For example —”

Billie interrupted, pointing with her fork. “No way. That’s interfering with the results.”

“Just letting them know won’t impact anything,” Edgar said.

Billie shook her head. “That’s just because you need it to happen sooner.”

He held up his hands. “What can I say? I’m forever a romantic optimist.”

Parisa laughed. “Now I’m curious. What other milestones are you all tracking with us?”

“I don’t think I want to know.” Sera tried to hide her grin.

“That’s for us to know and y’all to figure out naturally without interference.” Billie shot a glance at Edgar.

“I have my ways.” Edgar smirked.

After dinner, away from the carnage of the table, the pack gathered in the living room. Sera stood in the doorway with Parisa.

“We should play Monopoly,” Jo suggested.

“No!” yelled a few packmates in unison.

“Charades?” Emmaline asked the group.

Carina shook her head. “We all know such different movies, books, and shows from all sorts of decades. It never works out.”

The group continued to debate what to do with their night off while Sera tapped her foot, eager to be with her pack. But this time, she wasn’t going to be a part of the fun by herself.

“You should join in,” Sera said under her breath.

Parisa chewed her bottom lip. Her hands toyed with the sash on the waist of her dress. “I don’t want to intrude. The pack needs time together without me around.”

“They get enough of that. Come on. For me?” Sera took hold of her hand, lacing their fingers together.

Parisa made a face like she was going to protest further, but then gave in with a nervous nod.

“Mind if we join in?” Sera asked, leading Parisa into the room by her hand.

A couple of the younger wolves averted their eyes, but Emmaline and the others welcomed them both with enthusiasm.

“The more the merrier!” Jo threw their arms wide. “Apparently Monopoly is out. So is charades. I think we should all draw pictures and try to guess. Anything with drawing.”

“Why? You’re terrible at drawing,” Harry teased.

Jo laughed. “That’s half the fun! We have to make sense of each other’s nonsense. Well, except for Wil. She’ll draw masterpieces.”

“I can draw monstrosities with the best of them.” Wilma grinned.

“I’m ready to add my awful pictures.” Sera rubbed her hands together, glancing at Parisa.

Parisa smiled. “Sounds like fun.”

twenty-six

Sera woke up in Parisa’s bed, dressed in one of Parisa’s sweatshirts and little else. She rolled her head to the side to find Parisa reading next to her — one of Edgar’s books if she was judging correctly by the saucy cover.

Parisa noticed her stirring and set down her book. “Hello there.” She smiled and pressed a kiss to Sera’s forehead.

“Hey,” Sera whispered as a smile took over her face. Parisa was adorable with her hair mussed first thing in the afternoon.

“I hate to have you wake and leave, but I’m already running behind. I was waiting for you to wake up.”

“You didn’t need to wait for me.”

“I didn’t need to, but I wanted to. You look extra sweet when you first wake up, especially when you wake up in my bed.”

Sera struck a pose, throwing her arm over her head and resting it on the pillow. “I am rather dashing in the afternoon glow, aren’t I?” She laughed, reaching up to stroke Parisa’s cheek. “Nothing compared to you, though.” Shifting closer on the bed, she threw an arm around Parisa’s middle and rested her head on her chest. “Where are you off to so early?”

“Crooked Creek. I’m telling Clyde about us.”

Sera pulled herself up onto her elbow to look Parisa in the eye. “Already?”

“Chances are he’s already heard something. I’d like to not give him too long to stew in his own thoughts.”

“Guess we can’t remain in our little pack house bubble forever.”

“No, I’m afraid not.” Leaning on her palm, Parisa pressed her face closer, rubbing their noses together. “But I want to show you off, so this is an important step.”

“I don’t know what you’re showing off. Everyone’s always looking at you.”

“But I’m always looking at you.”

It was well after the lunch rush at Violet Moon, but the front of the store was packed. A tour bus had set its riders free and tourists crammed into the shop along with their regulars. The end of Sera’s shift had come and gone, but she wasn’t about to leave her pack to handle this without her.

In the middle of the crowd, over by Lock, stood two small siblings holding hands and clutching their animal-shaped change purses. The hair color was wrong, but Sera’s chest clenched all the same. From here she couldn’t even tell if the younger brother had freckles, but it didn’t matter. Her mind was already not her own. Her breathing quickened. Her hands shook. She forgot what she was talking about with the customer in front of her.

She smiled at the customer and ducked behind the counter to grab his order. Taking her time behind the glass, she closed her eyes and took a breath so she could let the grief wash through her. She didn’t fight it or try to shove it back in the locked box in her brain. It stung, but she allowed it to hurt and when she stood she saw a face that rooted her firmly back in the present.

“Hugh!” She smiled, boxing up the customer’s order and handing it over. “Thank you. Come back and see us again.”

Jostled in the crowd, Hugh waved and smiled. “I came to see what was holding you up, but I think I answered my own question.”

“Tour bus.” She gestured across the street. “Your coffee shop looks about the same.”

“Luckily, I’ve already taken off my customer service face for the day.”

“I was supposed to be gone by now.”

“Go!” Lock walked up behind her, planting a hand on Sera’s shoulder. “We got this. Get out of here before we kick you out.”

‘But I —”

“Need to leave, I know. I was serious about kicking you out.”

Sera grinned. “Fine. I know when to take a hint.”

“It’s not a hint if it’s a threat.” Lock laughed, turning towards the next customer in line and putting on his brightest smile.

“Guess I’m free now,” Sera said, swinging around the edge of the counter.

He held out a hooked elbow for Sera to loop her arm through. “Shall we?”

Sera stepped beside him and joined their arms together with a laugh as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. “Feels like we’re on a date when we walk like this.”

“I’m flattered, but you’re not my type.”

Sera smacked his arm. “Cheeky.”

Hugh smirked.

“So, how’s your newest, little vampire, Eugene?” Sera asked with a teasing lilt to her voice.

“Now who’s the cheeky one?” Hugh shot her a look. “You used to avoid all romantic talk unless I brought it up for decades. You finally get together with the love of your life and now that’s all you want to talk about.”

“That must mean the gossip is good.” Sera waggled her eyebrows at him.

Hugh sighed. “There’s nothing to discuss.”

“Yeah, that means it’s good.”

“Fine, mon lou lou. Then how have things been for you two between the sheets lately?”

“You know what? Excellent. Outstanding. Mind-blowing and I’m not even ashamed to admit that out loud.”

Hugh laughed. “That’s growth.”

“What? To be able to talk about my sex life?”

“Well, that, yes. But also, look at you. If you got stars in your eyes when talking about her before, now you’re glowing. Your smile’s so wide I wonder if your face hurts.”

Sera put the back of her hand to one cheek. “It does a little.”

“This is a much better change than a book about baking.”

“It is. It really is. And Hugh?”

He glanced down at her, patting her arm with his other hand.

“I’ve been working on changing in some other ways, too. Ways I don’t really ever talk about.” She paused as their steps slowed on the sidewalk. “Do you remember much of your past?”

“All of it,” he answered. “It might take some time to recollect, but it’s all there. I think it has everything to do with being made to be this way and never having been human. And you?”

“A blurry mess,” she responded. “But one I’m trying to make sense of in my own way now instead of shoving it down until it’s even foggier. I see their faces in unexpected places — my family, my brother especially. I can’t remember a lot of my life, but I can recall our home and the beach we used to visit. I never wanted to remember what I’d lost, but now — Parisa called it ‘a good kind of hurt.’”

Hugh unhooked their arms and slid his hand down to hers, locking their fingers together. “My life is filled with that kind of hurt. It is good, even when it rips you to pieces sometimes.”

Sera nodded. “I feel more together now that I’m not ignoring it on purpose.”

“Because you’re no longer severing one part of yourself from the rest.” He squeezed her hand. “Every day you find more ways for me to be a little more proud to be your friend.”

“Even when I’m a mess?” Sera laughed.

Hugh smiled. “Especially when you’re a mess.”

“Welcome home.” Holding her coffee cup to her lips, Sera grinned as Parisa shook a few stray raindrops from her coat.

Beside her, she’d set up a fresh pot of tea, two white roses from the greenhouse, and some blobby, flat macarons she’d attempted to make with Emmaline earlier.

“Good to be home, eshgham.” Parisa shed her coat, revealing a dark green dress with embroidered details on the scalloped collar.

“How was Alpha Clyde?”

“Boisterous and opinionated, as always.” Parisa took her seat diagonally from Sera. She sighed with contentment as she sunk into her armchair. “Oh Sera, these are lovely!” Parisa dipped her head to sniff the roses up close. “Picture perfect.”

“Unlike the macarons.”

Parisa smiled. “No, those are perfect, too. Especially with a fresh pot of tea to warm me up after a chilly run.”

“So Alpha Clyde —“

“Was grumbling about traditions and rules at first, but he genuinely wishes us well. I barely had to argue. I think he’s a real softie now under all that beard.” Parisa poured herself a cup of tea and took one of the misshapen macarons.

“With him supporting us, it shouldn’t be too hard to deal with the rest of the local packs,” Sera said.

“I wouldn't go that far. I think we still have an uphill battle with some of them, but knowing the Crooked Creek Pack is in our corner does a lot to bolster my spirit.” Parisa leaned forward, a gleam in her eye. “Would you fancy a run tonight?”

“Isn’t it raining?”

“Hardly.” Parisa waved a dismissive hand. “And when has that stopped us before? I’m buzzing with energy and possibilities right now and I need to run.”

Sera smiled, setting down her coffee cup. “I’d love to.”

For the first time in years, maybe ever, she didn’t feel that insatiable urge to transform and leave this body behind. She would have been perfectly content to stay here — stay Sera — by the fire with Parisa.

Parisa stood.

“Wait, you mean now?” Sera balked.

“I can’t wait. I meant it when I said I was buzzing.” She bent over to plant a kiss on Sera’s lips and broke it off with a smile. “It’s a good thing. I just don’t know what to do with it.” She kissed the tip of Sera’s nose.

Parisa’s energy was contagious. As she got up, Parisa took hold of her hand and led her outside.

They ran through the misty drizzle to the stable where they caught their breath in between fits of laughter. Parisa was so bright when she was like this, Sera had no choice but to take her in her arms and kiss her smile until it melted into something sweeter.

Pulling back, Sera rubbed the tip of their noses together then nuzzled into the crook of her neck, dotting Parisa’s skin with gentle kisses there, too. Parisa giggled. Despite the chill in the air, the world felt warm and full of possibilities.

They snuck glances at one another as they shed their clothing, both grinning until the moment came to welcome the transformation. Sera held onto herself, her own laughter, her own smile, until the last moment she could. When the wolf finally claimed her, she stood on all fours feeling joyful and strong.

Parisa came up beside her, brushing their sides together before she playfully nipped at Sera’s fur. She jumped back, her tail wagging, and Sera leapt after her. Parisa took off running in the opposite direction, out into the night.

Sera followed after her — wild, free, and very much in love.

Thank you for reading!

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About Mel E. Lemon

Mel has been writing stories since they could hold a crayon. The first time they thought about being a writer was when their 4th grade teacher praised the mystery they wrote with their spelling words. They want to write stories that make people happy and share cozy feels. Also, they want to help spread the word that werewolves are the best.

Their favorite tropes are friends to lovers, second chances, and there was ONLY ONE BED. Happy endings are a must.

They live in Oregon with their spouse and adorable baby cat, Jasmine.